In my past life, when I infiltrated a luxury yacht to assassinate Umboshi.
At the very moment I was about to point a gun at his head and pull the trigger, I discovered that little children were climbing onto his lap and playing there.
I felt it once again.
Life... never goes according to plan.
That realization remained just as true after I recovered my memories of my past life and went on living this one.
Life was like a rough river crashing against rocks and churning along winding currents.
Even the one living it... in the end, gets swept away without ever being able to predict where it will go.
-
The next day after Director Gotanda emailed me the script.
Because Director Moriyama Kogoro had suddenly collapsed from an acute cerebral hemorrhage and been hospitalized, filming on the drama was suspended indefinitely.
Fortunately, his wife found him collapsed in the bathroom, called 119 immediately, and he was rushed into surgery in time. He was said to be recovering without any aftereffects.
With filming still left to do, the atmosphere had grown chaotic as they scrambled to find a temporary replacement director and adjust the schedule. To calm things down, executives including the drama chief and the station president even visited the set in person to offer encouragement.
Thanks to that, even Kaoru’s cameo appearance had to be postponed for the time being.
Four days later, Director Kogoro woke up again as if nothing had happened. Considering that it could take as long as a month or more to regain consciousness after surgery for a cerebral hemorrhage, his recovery was astonishingly fast.
A photo his wife had taken showed him grinning broadly and giving a thumbs-up.
With Director Kogoro’s comment apologizing for causing concern and promising to take even better care of his health, the cast and crew finally let out the breath they had been holding.
So Kaoru quickly rescheduled the cameo.
He had heard that the conversations with the temporary director were progressing quickly now that filming had moved into the middle and latter half, and since no one could say how the schedule would be adjusted from here on out, he figured it was best to handle the urgent cameo first.
But then.
The day after Director Kogoro woke up, the new director chosen to lead the middle and latter half of the production was announced. It was Tsukasa Kawamura, who had recently wrapped up a lyrical human drama successfully on NHK.
A highly respected director, one of the few female directors in the film industry, and a woman who had even won awards at the Japan Academy Film Prize for her delicate, meticulous direction and her uniquely melancholy, lyrical mise-en-scène.
Because she had long been close with Director Kogoro, the brief backstory reported by the media said she had gladly accepted the offer to lead the latter half of [Usurper]. Kaoru was immediately thrown into the resumed drama shoot.
However, as fate would have it, trouble arose somewhere unexpected.
"Oh, on Tuesday... you mean the drama shoot?"
"Yeah! Why?"
Ai still didn’t know about Kaoru’s cameo appearance because it was meant to be a surprise, so at her husband’s question she asked back with sparkling, puppy-like eyes.
Fresh out of the bath, her cheeks still flushed pink, Ai hugged the pillow that was full of Kaoru’s scent tightly to her chest.
"Ah, no. Nothing. I just thought that if the timing works out, maybe I could see your face for a bit after your schedule ends that day. Haha."
"Ah! Yes, yes, yes! I hope so too—please~ Kaoru, I miss you—I want to hug you—mmph."
Kaoru shot upright in bed and sat back up properly. If that happened, he might have to adjust the schedule again. But since the cameo had already been booked first, [Usurper]’s filming schedule had been arranged around it, and there were other smaller commitments besides the drama, so pushing it back again was hardly practical.
Kaoru brushed his bangs back and stood from the bed.
"Is it morning filming, by any chance?"
"Mm-mm—no? Afternoon... I think! Yeah. It was afternoon. So I moved the original photoshoot to the morning!"
"Oh, really? That’s a brutal schedule from first thing in the morning. Make sure you eat properly, Ai. Oh, and what about your supplements?"
"Yep! The pills are small, so they’re easy to swallow. It feels like I’m getting healthier with all of Kaoru’s love packed in~☆"
"...Heh. Good to hear."
Kaoru glanced at the corners of his own mouth lifting in the mirror, then awkwardly forced them back down.
That smile, reserved only for his beloved wife and his twins, was... a little embarrassing even to Kaoru himself.
Anyway, his shoot was in the morning, and it was only a cameo anyway... so he wouldn’t run into Ai.
And so, on the day of the cameo shoot.
"Still, it’s a relief that he’s recovering well!"
"...I had no idea he had a chronic condition. He looked healthy."
"That’s why even if someone looks healthy all the time, older people really do have to stay careful. Alcohol, cigarettes, overwork. They’re all the root of every illness. Stress too. Kaoru, you’re still young so you may not get it, but once you’re past your mid-twenties, your body changes completely. Sure, alcohol is something you might end up drinking for social reasons. But cigarettes are really nothing but harm, you know? Just the smell alone tells you that. So..."
"......"
For the past thirty minutes, Rentaro had been delivering a long lecture on health while holding the steering wheel, and Kaoru was about ready to have it drilled into his ears.
Thinking of Rentaro, whose weak personality was a lifelong complex, and the sight of his office desk drawer packed with expensive supplements, Kaoru remembered how, ever since signing with Kaoru and finally getting some breathing room, he had become serious about taking care of his body—buying and taking health supplements, and even importing a premium ginseng set all the way from Korea.
It was practically a health-anxiety-level overreaction. Kaoru coughed lightly and quietly turned up the radio volume.
"So—huh? It’s a Beatles song? Damn... as expected of a legendary band. Hey Jude~"
"......"
Having finished his lecture and now belting out "Hey Jude," Rentaro’s nonstop mouth finally made Kaoru let out a long sigh and shake his head.
He’d touched the radio volume for no reason... and ended up trading one wolf for a tiger.
Kaoru sincerely prayed that this nightmare-like time would end as soon as possible.
But then—
"Huh? Why is traffic so bad?"
"......"
For some reason, the road suddenly jammed up and traffic began to crawl.
Since this wasn’t usually a congested stretch, both Rentaro and Kaoru had no choice but to frown.
The current time was 10:20 a.m. If traffic flowed normally, they still had about forty minutes to go. If it stayed like this, it could take more than an hour.
Something was off.
At the creeping unease curling around his intuition, Kaoru quietly exhaled, his blue eyes flashing with a strange light.
-
"......"
"I’m sorry I’m late."
When Kaoru bowed politely, Gotanda clicked his tongue and shook his head.
Noon.
He already knew from the explanation that the road had turned into chaos after a multi-car pileup caused by a drowsy-driving accident and a truck overturning.
What was he supposed to say to someone who had been delayed by something no human could control?
Gotanda patted Kaoru’s shoulder and said, "It’s fine. As long as you got here safely."
"......"
Looking at the burning artistic passion in Gotanda’s eyes, Kaoru was briefly at a loss for words.
But there was something else he had to deal with first.
"Director-"
"Ah. Right. I know what you’re going to say. Well, things got a little tangled up, that’s all."
Gotanda scratched his head with a troubled expression, as if he already knew what Kaoru wanted to ask, and let out a deep sigh.
"You’re not the only one who’s late."
"Pardon?"
"According to the script, the actress playing the heroine who’s supposed to film with you... seems to have been on that road too. Far behind you."
"......"
"I called again right before you arrived, and she said it would probably take another thirty minutes or so. Honestly... it’s only a cameo and the part is small, but it’s awkward to push back the idol’s schedule too. I’m embarrassed this turned out like this."
"Ah, no. What can we do? It’s not something we can fix with manpower. Once she gets here, we should finish filming as quickly as possible."
Kaoru comforted the apologetic Gotanda, who kept sighing over and over, then went into the private waiting room prepared for him by the director’s consideration.
He thanked the makeup team and the costume staff for bringing a particularly high-quality school uniform for the cameo.
It felt strange, returning to [student council president] after so long.
"Hmm-hmm."
Since the student council president in the script was not a strict, rule-bound type like [Kiriyama Ryota], but rather a bright, cheerful boy who felt like a typical teenager, Kaoru loosened his outfit slightly to match.
To play the already-graduated third-year senior and popular student council president seen in the heroine’s memories, he needed to shed a little weight from the role.
Kaoru made do with a sandwich the staff brought him for breakfast and lunch, then discussed with Gotanda that they would start by filming the scenes that didn’t require the lead actress, who still hadn’t arrived.
"......"
Before filming began, Kaoru quietly gathered himself, feeling the gazes of the staff and the other actors watching him without even trying to hide it.
The rising genius actor who had broken into a getsuku before even becoming an adult.
After [Coming Closer to You: Love Line School], he had delivered outstanding performances in works like [Red Sun] and [Listen to the Seashell], all of which became hits.
It was only natural that attention would gather when a famous face already known in the industry appeared right in front of them.
"Okay. Scene number 337. Stand by—action!"
The scene was a casual conversation with the student council officers in the hallway in front of the clubroom. Kaoru wore a bright, cheerful smile that showed no trace of his usual indifference.
"...The next meeting topic is..."
Gotanda, who captured Kaoru’s first take as he transformed into someone else in an instant, finally let his eyes blaze with excitement like a man who had just gotten his hands on a long-awaited sweet fruit.
Different.
Even in this childish school drama, in this silly little piece of fluff, Kaoru’s acting never wavered. Instead, it drew the surrounding actors deeper in with a stability that made the scene more immersive.
The student council president’s bright, cheerful energy reached even Gotanda beyond the camera.
A first-rate performance and then some. The boy was proving his worth for all to see, and the faint red starlight blooming in his blue eyes sucked Gotanda’s gaze in like a black hole.
"...Cut."
"Thank you, Director."
He didn’t want to end it, but he forced himself to swallow the regret and call cut.
They hadn’t even properly matched lines with the lead actress yet, and he was already seeing this level of performance. Gotanda let out a few helpless laughs, as if he’d gone back to being a teenager the way he had when he first picked up a camera.
Rolling up the script, Gotanda tapped Kaoru’s shoulder and walked over to him.
"Just stay here. I’ll handle the rest."
"If Director Kogoro finds out, he’ll come running out of his hospital room."
"Ah... what a shame. There are still so many scenes left... honestly."
Kaoru smiled at Gotanda, who was clicking his tongue in disappointment and looking thoroughly regretful, then shrugged.
"If there’s a chance later, let’s definitely work together. On a proper project."
"Hmph. Yeah. The conditions are a little demanding, but... I’d be grateful."
The staff and actors watched Kaoru, who stood with his arms crossed and chatted comfortably with Gotanda despite the director’s reputation for being strict, stubborn, and impossible to predict on set.
Then, the sound of running shoes came from the direction of the set as a young woman rushed in, breathing hard, and shouted, "I-I’m so sorry! I’m terribly late! I’m sorry for causing trouble."
The drama’s lead actress, Yoshikawa Yuriko, bowed repeatedly to Gotanda and the staff with an apologetic face.
Gotanda shook his head at the girl, whose bright, innocent eyes and cute appearance were her defining features, and said, "What can you do if you’re late because of an accident? We just shot one scene, so get ready and we’ll continue right away. Ah, introduce yourselves. This is the one you’ll be working with today-"
At Gotanda’s glance, Kaoru gave his usual indifferent smile, bowed politely toward the girl, and said, "I’m Kamiki Kaoru. Please take care of me today."
At Kaoru’s indifferent smile and polite greeting, Yoshikawa Yuriko blushed without meaning to and widened her eyes.
With her ears turning red too, Yuriko flustered, bowing over and over as she hurriedly returned the greeting.
"Ah, yes! I-I’m Yoshikawa Yuriko! It’s really, really an honor to meet you! I’m a huge, huge fan!"
"Ah. Haha. I’m the one who should be thanking you."
After greeting him, Yoshikawa Yuriko hurried off to get ready. Gotanda looked quietly at Kaoru and said with a somewhat bitter expression, "You should pay more taxes."
"...Pardon?"
Once Yoshikawa Yuriko had finished preparing, filming resumed immediately. Since this cameo itself was a scene built from the heroine’s memories, the location was simply the end of the hallway.
The heroine, who had collided with the student council president and dropped the books she was carrying, was approached by him as he kindly and gently picked them up, asked if she was okay, and recognized at a glance which club she belonged to.
It was a scene of the student council president’s collision with her, a brief encounter that ended without any connection, all while he remained unaware that he had given the heroine an unforgettable moment.
Yuriko seemed nervous about her first scene with Kaoru, and while holding the prop books she kept licking or biting her lips, fidgeting restlessly.
By contrast, Kaoru stood perfectly still, his expression so calm it bordered on indifferent.
"Stand by. Action!"
"Aaaah—! I’m late!"
"......"
Thud!
"Kyaaah!"
"Ah."
The moment they turned the corner, Kaoru and Yuriko collided, and the books she had been carrying scattered across the hallway floor.
"Are you okay? Sorry, I wasn’t paying enough attention."
"N-no, I’m fine! It’s my fault!"
Yuriko stumbled over her lines from nerves, but Gotanda understood how she felt. In fact, if she had delivered them without stumbling and acted perfectly natural, her evaluation would have gone up by at least three levels.
"Are you hurt anywhere?"
"I’m okay... Ah, s-student council president!"
Only belatedly realizing that the person she had collided with was the student council president, Yuriko flushed deeply and avoided Kaoru’s gaze.
Kaoru smiled gently and kindly, picked up the books she had been carrying, and said, "Haha. Don’t be so startled. You’re making me a little embarrassed."
"I-I’m sorry. Because of me..."
"No, I’m more at fault. Here. Can you get up?"
Instead of the books, Kaoru stood and held out one hand to Yuriko in a friendly gesture.
Long, beautiful fingers and a large hand that looked strong by comparison. Yuriko swallowed unconsciously, looking back and forth between Kaoru’s hand and his face.
Gotanda silently cheered inside. This phenomenon where an actor’s natural behavior, rather than something carefully calculated to fit a script, blended perfectly into the character.
Kaoru also observed Yuriko’s reaction and smiled even more.
At Kaoru’s appearance, like a prince from a fairy tale come to life, Yuriko couldn’t tell whether the pounding in her chest was false or sincere.
She lifted her trembling hand, took Kaoru’s warm hand, and stood up. Then she swallowed hard, unable to even meet his eyes properly.
"Should I carry them for you?"
At Kaoru’s line, Yuriko blanked for a moment, then jerked her head up in surprise and asked back, startled, "Huh?"
Even after Yuriko missed her cue and repeated herself, Kaoru didn’t panic. He just smiled and pointed at the books.
"Haha. These books—should I carry them for you?"
"Ah, n-no! It’s okay! I can carry them myself. I’m so sorry!"
Gotanda didn’t call cut. Instead, he watched the whole sequence of Kaoru completely taking hold of the scene and leading it along, and swallowed his saliva in satisfaction.
"Come to think of it... you look familiar... hmm... are you perhaps Miss Hinami from the library club?"
"Ah, ah, uh, th-th, yes, yes?! N-nice to meet you. I d-don’t know how you remembered, b-but! I-I’m Hinami Seika! P-please take care of me!"
Fortunately, Yuriko managed to remember her lines and, with her face bright red, succeeded in delivering the line she had barely memorized.
Compared to her, Kaoru smiled calmly and carefully handed the books back to her.
"Be careful, Miss Hinami. If you carry something this heavy and aren’t careful, you could get badly hurt."
"Ah."
As she took them and their hands touched, Yuriko let out a breathless sound instead of her line, as if electricity had shot through her.
Regardless, Kaoru already knew the script by heart and decided there was no need to push Yuriko to force out any more lines. He smiled gently, bowed his head a little, and whispered, "Then. Goodbye?"
"......"
As Yuriko stood there dazed and turned to watch Kaoru’s cool retreating back as he walked away—
Gotanda unfolded his arms and called cut in a loud voice.
"Cut! That was good!"
"Good work, everyone!"
"G-g-good work..."
It almost sounded like a pfft of steam escaping from Yuriko. Embarrassed by the mortifying behavior she had just put on display, she kept fanning her flushed face with her hands.
"Good work, Yoshikawa."
"N-no, not at all! I’m the one who should apologize for acting so amateurishly. I stumbled over my lines so much... I was basically just causing trouble..."
"Haha. Don’t worry too much. It was good acting."
Gotanda walked up quietly and patted Kaoru on the shoulder as he casually offered Yuriko a stock compliment, giving him a thumbs-up.
"Can’t I just not go?"
"......No."
"...Sigh. What a fleeting dream. Thanks for coming, and good work."
"No, not at all. It was quite an interesting experience for me too. It was my first cameo appearance, after all. And it had been a while since I wore a school uniform, so it felt especially meaningful."
"......Can’t you really not go?"
"......"
With the rough-looking, bearded middle-aged man getting clingy again, Kaoru’s expression hardened and he coughed before walking toward the actors’ waiting room.
Gotanda also ordered the crew to reset the shoot according to the main script now that the cameo scene was over, and followed after Kaoru.
"If there’s another chance, then once more..."
"Aren’t you asking too much of me?"
"Well, the insurance payout is a little too much... hmm? What is it?"
Kaoru suddenly stopped. Gotanda tilted his head and looked at him.
There was clear bewilderment in Kaoru’s blue eyes as he stared ahead, his gaze trembling.
Gotanda looked forward to see what was wrong.
"...Ah."
That was the only word he managed to say.
Gotanda scratched his head without realizing it, frowning as if he’d run into trouble.
Kaoru felt his heart thud hard and his breathing quicken, so he steadied himself as calmly as he could.
Right in front of him.
"...Kaoru?"
Ai was looking at him with a startled, flustered expression. And not only that, Miyako was sweating even more nervously than Ai herself.
"...Pa-!"
"Shh!"
And then Aqua and Ruby, the twins as well.
Kaoru clenched his teeth and quietly looked into Ai’s starlit eyes.
On the surface, there was no relationship more awkward than the two people at the center of a false love affair scandal.
Outside, they had managed and acted as though their relationship had completely collapsed, to the point where even speaking each other’s names aloud was taboo.
Because he had judged that to be the wise thing to do. Because it was not yet the right time to reveal everything, and because he believed that was the proper course.
So Kaoru avoided Ai’s eyes and said in a quiet voice to Gotanda, "I’ll head out first."
"Ah, uh... yeah. Good work."
Gotanda, equally flustered, nodded and answered, and Kaoru slowly began to walk away.
Yes. After leaving the set, he could just explain the whole situation by phone or text.
That it had been a surprise. That because she was appearing in a drama, he wanted to help too, so he had decided to make a surprise appearance without telling her.
That their filming schedules had overlapped, so he had tried to shoot early in the morning. But because something came up and delayed him... he had ended up running into Ai after all.
Sorry. For lying.
That was all he had to say. Ai would understand.
Kaoru recalled one thing he had learned since his past life.
Life... never goes according to plan.
That realization remained just as true after he recovered his memories of his past life and went on living this one.
Life was like a rough river crashing against rocks and churning along winding currents.
Even the one living it... in the end, gets swept away without ever being able to predict where it will go.
That was all he had ever been able to be.
Remembering that, taking those steps, and trying his best to ignore Ai’s gaze full of startled questions as he passed by her side—
"...Papa."
Ruby’s voice, held as low as possible, flew into his ear and struck him. It was such a tiny, tiny voice that even Ruby herself might not have heard it.
His foot stopped for an instant and would not move, as if stuck to a magnet.
Why... Kaoru clenched his teeth and quietly exhaled.
Why.
Life never goes according to plan.
Sometimes, even when your beloved wife and children are right in front of you, you still have to pretend not to see them and walk on by.
For a greater cause. Because he had no choice. No choice at all.
He had to endure bearing the unjust stain of a false love affair scandal, being branded and forced to flee, avoiding the world’s gaze and denying the relationship as he lived on.
"......"
But did that mean he had to live like that, tossed around by uncertainty and simply swept along?
Was the one living life truly nothing more than someone who had no choice but to be helplessly carried by its current?
After dying once and coming here, after enduring so many trials only to face them again.
Did he really... have to keep living that way?
Kaoru quietly stopped walking and turned his head to look at Ai.
The sound of Miyako drawing in a sharp breath reached his ears.
The worried gaze of Gotanda, the Ai whose starlit eyes shone with sorrow.
Aqua’s blue eyes and Ruby’s brilliant golden hair.
Life never goes according to plan.
Then.
Wouldn’t that also include the married couple’s promise never to acknowledge each other in public?
"Hello, Ai."
"......Kaoru."
The starlit eyes trembled violently in surprise. But Kaoru, as always—
Just like the promise they had once made while sitting on that bench in Uminomori Park, when the cold wind was blowing.
With the red [star] shining brightly in his blue eyes, he smiled, swallowing down the feeling that he was sorry he hadn’t said this to her sooner, and said, "Have you been well?"
At Kaoru’s gentle greeting, which carried a strangely familiar sense of déjà vu—
"...Yeah. Thanks to you."
In that brief instant, in the pulse of countless tangled emotions that had felt like forever—
Ai’s answering starlit eyes finally wavered with tiny droplets of tears.
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