Losing the most precious and beloved existence in one’s life is, in itself, no different from a death sentence for a human being.
The sense of touch, the warmth of a body, a voice, body heat, a scent. And all the countless emotions felt while holding that existence in one’s eyes.
Memories bound to the one who was lost, recollections, even the heart itself—everything.
The great pillars and axes that had formed one person’s life are reduced to ashes in an instant.
And because the one left behind must live their whole life with misery and a pain so deep it cuts to the bone.
"……."
The child sat in a chair and quietly watched Ruby and Ame, who were huddled together on the sofa and playing.
The 【love】 contained in those brilliant starry eyes was shining brightly without wavering.
And inside the script volume she had just closed, it felt as if the emotions of 「Aizawa Honoka」, the role she would have to play tomorrow, were still alive and breathing.
If my beloved children were to die before their parents.
The child, who had still never lost a beloved existence before, suddenly felt her chest grow heavy and tight.
Just by calling up emotions and imagining things for acting.
'It hurts.'
Aqua’s blue eyes, as he stood holding Amber in her place, shone brightly toward his younger sisters.
If this happy everyday life were to vanish in an instant.
Her childhood, deeper and darker than the abyss, where she struggled to feel 【love】.
In days of endless loneliness and sorrow, she had met her husband like a miracle.
Thanks to the baby angels who came to her at such a young age, she learned 【love】, learned the 【happiness】 of life, and finally understood what 【joy】 was.
Aqua, Ruby, Ame, Amber—so beloved that even all of her own everything combined still wouldn’t be enough to compare.
If you all.
Were to go far away to a place I could never see again.
If you were to leave farther away than me.
If you disappeared.
"……."
I...
What should I do-
"Ai."
A large, warm hand gently settled on both of her small, fragile shoulders.
A familiar voice, yet one she always wanted to hear, reached her ears.
The dark, pitch-black emotions that had been vanishing like a lie.
The pain pressing down on her chest faded, and the five senses that felt reality became clear again.
"...Huh? Oh, Kaoru."
"Relax. Come on, slowly. Breathe."
"Eh—suddenly?"
"Hoo~ one. Two. Hoo. Come on, slowly, follow me."
"Hoo... ssshh- hoo..."
With her husband’s delicate hands kneading her shoulders, the tension in her body loosened on its own.
The child quietly closed her eyes and, as Kaoru instructed, took deep breaths and let herself be carried by them.
As the gentle massage continued and the comforting, warm feeling gradually brought the child’s heart back to calm—
Kaoru spoke in a low, quiet voice.
"You’re here with us right now."
"……."
"Aqua, Ruby, Ame, Amber. Our babies are growing up bright and healthy. Because you’ve been sharing your beautiful love with them."
Slowly, when she opened her eyes, the child’s starry gaze shone brilliantly.
Kaoru slowly took the script volume from Ai’s right hand and placed it on the table.
"Tomorrow’s shoot... you just need to cry with Honoka. And then for the shoot after that, you can laugh with Honoka."
"...Mm."
"I’ll be there too. And, um... tomorrow night, let’s make omurice, since our Ame likes it. How about that?"
"Puhuhu. Good! Yeah! Ai will handle the sauce."
With a bright, happy smile, his wife looked up at him, and Kaoru lowered his head to briefly press one last kiss to her cheek.
As an actor, when you immerse yourself in a role, there are times when you end up pouring more heart and emotion into the part than necessary.
Unlike the 'method' acting approach, where one deliberately plunges into the role, this is when the control line that should be manageable by reason alone is crossed without the actor even realizing it.
At least, Kaoru had often seen that kind of thing over the more than fifteen years he had spent at theater troupes and film sets.
Since Director Gotanda had poured more effort into this drama than any experience before, writing the character 「Aizawa Honoka」 himself with great care for his wife, who would be appearing alongside him.
Hoping that Ai would not have to bear even the sorrow and pain of 「Aizawa Honoka」 in her place...
"Then~ since Ai needs to sleep soundly today too. I’m counting on you again tonight, Kaoru-★"
"...Huh?"
At Ai’s sweet voice whispering by his ear.
Kaoru’s blue eyes shook violently like a boat caught in a typhoon.
-
The next day, early morning.
"Huuuu~! Hup!"
Kana, who had gotten out of the van, stretched her arms and let out a breath.
After listening to the 'private advice' Aqua had given her yesterday and practicing hard in her own way, she had made some real progress.
The direction she hadn’t been able to grasp finally felt like it had snapped neatly into place.
It felt very good as an actor. She hadn’t slept much, so she had dozed off briefly in the van and her body was stiff, but...
"...Whatever!"
Adjusting the slightly crooked beret, Kana gave a small nod and headed into the studio.
Inside, the staff were busy assembling the hospital room set and setting up the lights.
It seemed Fuji TV really had poured a huge budget into this, because instead of a small, recycled hospital room set like a daily drama, it looked carefully arranged down to the medical bed, the interior, and even the furniture placement, just like a real hospital room.
Seeing the lights adjusted so precisely it felt like actual sunlight, Kana could only part her dry lips.
'This is even more intense than a movie shoot.'
Kana clenched and released her fist once, then looked around for Director Gotanda to greet him, but he was nowhere to be seen.
When she asked a nearby AD, she heard that he was in a meeting with the on-site directors in the office upstairs.
'A meeting... so this is because of the scene I’m shooting with Ai-senpai today, right?'
Letting out a small sigh, Kana bowed politely first and then, with no other choice, headed to the dressing room.
The appearance of 「Aizawa Yui」, who had been given a terminal diagnosis from intractable blood cancer, was exactly as she had imagined and pictured while reading the script.
"……."
Her lively complexion and pretty eyes disappeared beneath heavy makeup, gradually turning into those of a weak girl waiting for death.
Pale, lifeless skin. Cheeks thinned by grueling chemotherapy. And red hair covered by special-effects silicone on the eyebrows and hidden beneath a hat so it could not be seen.
All through the makeup process, Kana kept the script volume neatly on her lap and stared into the mirror at herself.
The thought that today would be her last shoot and, at the same time, the final moment of 「Aizawa Yui」 briefly flashed through her mind.
It left a sting in one corner of Kana’s chest.
"All done. Hehe, you must’ve been sleepy waiting, so thanks for your patience."
"Not at all! Thank you so much."
After more than an hour of makeup, Kana bowed to the makeup team and, guided by an AD, headed to the costume booth to change clothes.
Her neck and lower back were stiff from sitting so long, and sleepiness was creeping in, but she tried not to lose her professionalism as a pro child actor.
'I wonder if Ai-senpai... if she feels the same way I do?'
As she changed into the patient gown, Kana suddenly had that thought.
Today, as they prepared for the ending.
What kind of feelings was Ai-senpai preparing with for their final acting together?
With what feelings would Honoka accept Yui’s end?
Kana’s right fingers, holding the script volume, twitched, and on her small, fragile shoulders as she quietly looked at the set—
"Kana!"
Two warm, gentle hands softly settled there.
When the startled Kana turned her head, those brilliant starry eyes, as always, welcomed her with a bright eye-smile.
'Ah.'
Aqua, that boy, was not just a perfect copy of his father.
Like the Milky Way. A gaze that was always bright and beautiful, able to become a signpost when you were lost and wandering.
A gaze you could lean on when tired, one that always held its core steady without wavering.
When the abstract, vague feeling Kana had sensed in yesterday’s meeting finally met those starry eyes and became clear—
"Puhuhu—Kana-chan. Even with makeup on, your smile is just way too pretty, isn’t it~?"
"Eek...! Thank you. But— you startled me."
"Yep, Kana-chan. Hehe—sorry if I surprised you-★ But you didn’t seem to hate it, did you? Right?"
"Th-that..."
At Ai’s blunt, no-distance style of speaking, Kana’s ears turned bright red with embarrassment.
Still unable to be honest with her own feelings, the girl’s shoulders were patted gently by Ai, who smiled with starry eyes.
"Do your best for today’s shoot too, Kana-chan!"
-
Even after the meeting, Director Gotanda had not found any good solution and had no choice but to end it.
With shadows still hanging over his face like a student who had failed to turn in an assignment by the deadline, Director Gotanda could only ask Ai and Kana, in the guise of directing, to basically rely on the cast’s own ability.
As for this part, he had no excuse no matter how many mouths he had, but forcing it would not solve the fact that he himself had failed to pin down the point he needed to direct.
He had clearly written the scenario with all his heart, staying up two nights in a row. And yet he still couldn’t figure out how to bring out the unique direction he wanted to capture on camera.
Thank goodness that neither Ai nor Kana seemed particularly surprised or confused by his so-called direction, which was really just a declaration of surrender(?).
In fact, Kana’s reaction—nodding with a relieved expression, as if that was the answer she had wanted—made him wonder if he had looked that pathetic(?).
Director Gotanda clicked his tongue and scratched his head, then sat down in his chair with an uneasy look and picked up the megaphone as previously decided, since they would go straight into the main shoot without rehearsal.
"...Alright. Hmm. Scene number 250."
Director Gotanda’s voice echoed through the studio via the megaphone.
Several cameras kept their focus on Ai—
And Ai, standing perfectly straight and still in the hospital corridor set, quietly closed her eyes and gradually called up the emotions of 「Aizawa Honoka」 in her heart, waiting for the cue.
"Ready— action!"
As soon as Director Gotanda’s cue dropped, Ai shouted to the supporting actor playing the doctor in a voice so urgent it sounded as if she might lose her breath at any moment.
"P-preparing myself? Y-you, y-you didn’t say that at first...! You said our Yui could live again if she got treatment. But then..."
"I’m sorry. The cancer had already spread too quickly to other areas, including the lungs and small intestine.... We really had to assume the worst, so I truly... have no words..."
At the doctor’s words, Ai clenched both fists and let out a scream-laced voice as if she did not want to hear it.
"Lies—!!! Lies! Lies. Please. Stop... Doctor. I’ll do anything. I’ll somehow make sure the hospital bills are never late again. So please... please save Yui for us. Okay? Okay?"
"I’m sorry."
"Ah... ah..."
It hurt.
Ai, struck by pain as if her heart were being sliced apart, unconsciously lifted both hands and clutched at her chest.
Her brilliant starry eyes instantly lost their life and sank darker than the abyss.
Facing the cruel reality that she could not save her beloved daughter.
The tears of a mother, forced at last to sink under an inescapable fate, burst from Ai’s eyes and streamed down her cheeks along her jaw.
"……."
Watching Ai’s acting, Director Gotanda could only swallow dryly without realizing it.
While writing the scenario, imagining Ai as she played 「Aizawa Honoka」, Director Gotanda had enjoyed and looked forward to the catharsis he felt whenever he witnessed an actor’s performance that evoked emotions beyond the lines and stage directions written in the script.
The fun and fascination of filming the work he wanted and directing each part himself carried a force no other experience could match.
But this time was different.
Even though Ai was clearly bringing the character he had created in his scenario into the real world and performing her, Director Gotanda realized that instead of catharsis, he was feeling pity and sympathy.
Wasn’t there a word for a child losing a parent, but no word for a parent losing a child?
Even he, living as an unmarried man while caring for his mother, was still just a young and clumsy child in his mother’s eyes.
And perhaps—also in the matter of the directing toward Ai and Kana that had remained vague and indistinct throughout the shoot so far—
A premonition flashed through his mind that he might finally be able to grasp its true form.
"...Cut! That was excellent."
At Director Gotanda’s slightly flushed cut signal, Ai slowly closed her eyes and took a deep breath, collecting herself.
After taking the tissues handed to her by staff and wiping the corners of her eyes and nose, Ai smiled and bowed her head.
"Thank you~!"
Right after Ai’s shoot, Kana’s shoot began.
「Aizawa Yui」’s body had already been ravaged by grueling chemotherapy, rapidly metastasizing to other organs and becoming beyond help.
Every day, she tried to dull the pain with narcotic painkillers, but the horrific agony of her body being eaten away was nothing but an unbearably cruel time for a middle school girl.
"Ugh... ngh- hhhngh...!"
Kana, sweating coldly and clutching the bedsheets, endured painful groans.
The daughter’s heart, not wanting to show her pain to her mother who had gone out to call the medical staff again, was laid bare in her eyes and spilled out from them.
Despair and pain in Kana’s red eyes, fear toward the unexpected end of life— and.
As love and pity for her mother, 「Aizawa Honoka」, mixed together and shone precariously—
"……."
Director Gotanda could only stroke his beard and swallow dryly once more.
Simple, yet different. As if proving that the most important element for an actor is not line delivery or gestures, but sincerity in conveying emotion with the eyes alone.
What emotions does a fictional character who exists only in the script feel, and what kind of heart does she live and breathe with?
Not merely relying on the information handed over by the writer, but the actor herself either calculating it with great thoroughness and precision, or coloring the script itself with her own hue and turning it into her own 「world」.
An actor who rises one step above the world imagined by the writer and director.
Only such an actor is finally qualified to be called a 「genius」.
And so, Arima Kana was personally proving why she was, without question, called by the epithet of 【genius】.
With the power to make her performance shine like the sun through nothing but her eyes, without a single line—
"Cut. Well done."
Director Gotanda called cut in a similarly more energized voice.
Kana, who had actually broken into sweat while acting as a suffering patient, stood up from her seat while taking the tissues brought by staff.
After a short break, filming continued, and at last the final face-to-face scene between Ai and Kana remained.
"……."
The surroundings were noisy with staff preparing for the shoot, but Ai said nothing and simply sat quietly in the chair beside Kana’s hospital bed.
A staff member who had come to film the making-of footage captured the scene, and Kana also lay there awkwardly, wondering how she should react to Ai’s gaze.
'Is she tired? It’s been scenes like this all morning, so it would make sense. But lying here and pretending not to care feels rude too... Ugh, maybe I should get up and say something...!'
Wondering whether she should say something to Ai-senpai, Kana slowly raised her upper body.
Ai, who had been quietly staring at Kana, smiled softly and said,
"I’m disappointed!"
"...Huh?"
Still not used to her sudden, blunt way of speaking, Kana blinked blankly and asked back—
Ai suppressed a chuckle, closed one eye slightly, and winked.
"It’s our last shoot together with Kana-chan, so I’m sad. Kana-chan isn’t sad?"
"Ah, I, I am too..."
Fidgeting with her fingers by her reddened ears for a moment, Kana lifted her head and met Ai’s starry eyes.
At that gaze, as if gently patting her for being unable to be honest with her feelings, just as before—
'Ahh.'
All at once, Kana realized it.
She wasn’t the only one.
'Ai-senpai too...'
Just as Kana found it sad that today was her last shoot and that she would have to part with 「Aizawa Honoka」 forever,
Ai also found it sad and regretful that today was the last shoot, and disliked this process of preparing to part with 「Aizawa Yui」.
At last, Kana smiled back, feeling as if the heavy emotions that had been suppressed deep in her chest were being cleanly released.
With a strange light lingering in her red eyes, Kana bowed politely to Ai and—
for the first time, took Ai’s warm, soft hand in both of hers and said,
"This isn’t something I should say in advance, but thank you for all this time—for kindly encouraging and guiding someone as lacking as me! The time I spent learning so much from you, senpai... was truly an unforgettable and precious experience for me!"
"Kana-chan...."
"Hehe... it’s a regretful goodbye with 『Yui』 now, but 『Kana』... Kana can always meet you again, senpai!"
Kana’s 【sincerity】, which had never been conveyed because she was embarrassed and unable to be honest.
Enough to make Aqua and Ruby intensely jealous!
The warm 【love】 Ai had shown her all this time had, without Kana even realizing it, already been steadily piling up inside her heart.
So Kana, still embarrassed and unable to be honest, finally gathered her courage and placed her hand over the back of Ai’s hand.
"Until the very end, I may still be lacking, but please take care of me. Senpai!"
"……Mm! Kana-chan. Thank you! Please take care of me too."
The staff member filming the making-of footage, capturing Ai and Kana’s final exchange on camera, wore a smile of pure fan satisfaction—but
fortunately, no one noticed it.
Comments (0)
Please log in to leave a comment. Login or Register