"Phew! That was really fun~★"
"Here."
"E- thanks, Kaoru♥"
Seated on a bench, the two of them took a moment to catch their breath.
Ai drank the warm barley tea Kaoru handed her, letting the heat seep into her chilled body. As she sipped from the thermos cup, her face carried not only an innocent smile, but also a look of relief, as if some nameless worry had been neatly solved. Had she been troubled by something? Kaoru swallowed his curiosity and quietly watched her.
"Phew— I feel alive again."
"Want some more?"
"Mm-mm, I’m fine now! It’s your turn, Kaoru, so I’ll pour for you."
Ai lifted the thermos, poured some into the cup, and handed it to Kaoru.
Kaoru accepted it and slowly took a sip, one mouthful at a time.
Ai gazed up at the night sky, where the snow had finally stopped falling, and swung her legs in the air like she was riding a swing.
"Even after the [Budokan] performance ended, I was busy for a while, so— my body was a little off."
"!"
The moment he heard that, Kaoru snapped his head around like a meerkat, stopping mid-sip and staring at Ai.
Ai let out a little "puh-huh-huh" laugh, as if she had expected exactly that reaction, then shook her head.
"Scary— Kaoru! I’m fine now, so don’t worry. It was just nonstop busy for a while. Yeah— I guess that’s only natural, right?"
"...You worked hard. I’m sorry I couldn’t go see the performance. Don’t push yourself."
"Huh? Kaoru! We said no more apologizing, remember~! Besides, it wasn’t even pushing myself. I’m doing it because I like being an idol, after all."
"Still... I don’t want you forcing yourself and getting hurt or sick. I want you to stay healthy all the time. Even a little cold... I’d worry."
"......"
Kaoru had always seemed so indifferent, so manly and unshaken, but he had this weak(?) side too. Seeing the boy’s worried expression, so full of concern that it stirred something protective in her, Ai couldn’t hold back the laughter spilling out of her.
She shifted her plump body and slipped right into her lover’s arms.
"Mm~ so warm, Kaoru!"
"...I’m serious."
"......But I’m happy that it’s you, Kaoru, who worries about me and not someone else. I think I might be the happiest person in the world! I’m sure of it!"
As his beloved lover said that with her starry eyes sparkling, an indescribable feeling welled up inside Kaoru.
"......"
With damp blue eyes, he caressed her face and silently pulled Ai into a tight embrace.
Ai closed her eyes and let herself rest in his arms for a moment, unwilling to let go of his warmth.
"Kaoru... loves me so much that even me being in pain makes him anxious."
Thinking of the feel of something in her pocket, Ai tried to shake off the unease, impatience, and worry gnawing at her heart.
How much time passed?
With her eyes closed, sorting through her thoughts, Ai finally opened them and slipped out of Kaoru’s embrace.
"Kaoru. I... have something to tell you."
"?"
At Ai’s words, delivered with a grave, resolute gaze fixed on him, Kaoru could only tilt his head slightly.
What was it?
He couldn’t even begin to predict what would come out of Ai’s mouth. Swallowing dryly, Kaoru nodded with a face full of question marks and tension.
"Yeah. Go ahead. Take your time."
"Hoo."
Just what kind of thing required such a deep breath?
Ai, too, took a breath to soothe her trembling heart, now tense and anxious. Her hands shook, and she was even sweating. But she believed in Kaoru.
If it was Kaoru.
If it was Kaoru, then he would surely accept her wish and understand.
Bolstered by her firm faith and love for her lover, Ai made her decision and took a long, white, slender object from her pocket.
Kaoru watched closely, wondering what it was, and then—
"Kaoru."
"Yeah?"
"I...."
After starting to speak once, Ai seemed to steel herself and showed Kaoru the mysterious object.
"I’m [pregnant]."
"......"
Kaoru blinked for a moment after hearing Ai’s words. His mind froze at the sound of them, and he said nothing for a while, simply reaching out and taking the pregnancy test from her hand.
Kaoru knew enough to know what the two lines on the test meant.
Two lines.
Even in the dark night, those two lines were unmistakable, and they brought Kaoru confusion amounting to exactly five times the shock and astonishment he had felt when he woke in the hospital and realized he had the memories of a past life.
It felt as if the reality he lived in had become a lonely universe, floating through the void. What in the world was going on? What was this? What the hell was this? His mind went blank from the impact, as if he’d been struck in the head with a hammer, and Kaoru missed his chance to react, staring only at the pregnancy test while his lips moved soundlessly.
Watching Kaoru fail to react at all, Ai was instantly flooded with anxiety, but she forced herself to hide it.
"!"
The moment Ai’s breathing grew rough, Kaoru snapped back to his senses and turned to look at his lover.
With a resolute, strong gaze and tightly pressed lips, she looked like a general standing on the brink of a decisive battle. Paradoxically, that only made it clearer how desperately she was holding back her fear.
Seeing that, Kaoru realized exactly what he had done wrong.
The one who had endured a terrifying, unimaginable time alone was none other than Ai.
When he thought about how much time she must have spent agonizing, fearing, and suffering alone before telling him she was pregnant, he felt unbearably sorry for her—sorry as her lover, sorry as a man—and guilt surged up in him.
So Kaoru’s blue eyes shone with [star light] as he said nothing and—
"!"
He took Ai’s hand and pulled her into his arms.
Apparently not expecting this, Ai jerked in surprise and let out a startled breath from within his embrace.
Kaoru held her tightly, stroking her hair and comforting her as best he could so the frightened girl could calm down.
"...Sob. Hic— hhh..."
Ai had been so tense, so prepared herself for the worst, but when Kaoru said nothing and hugged her first—
the dam she had forced shut burst all at once.
She couldn’t hold it back anymore. The storm of emotion that had been churning up from her chest and bursting into her throat came spilling out as tears of relief, washing away the fear and anxiety that had stained her recent days.
She was happy. Simply because he hugged her. Because this moment, right now, where she could cry in Kaoru’s arms, was so happy. She sobbed out the tears she had been holding back, certain that she was the happiest person in the world.
After some time, Ai finally managed to collect herself and slipped out of Kaoru’s arms, her face red and soaked with tears as she sniffled.
Kaoru quietly took out a tissue and handed it to her. Ai wiped her tears with it and sniffled again.
Kaoru reached out with his right hand and gently stroked her face. Ai seemed to like the touch and unconsciously lowered her head into it.
For a while, the two of them shared each other’s feelings, warmth, and sincerity.
Once Ai had calmed down somewhat, Kaoru asked in a low voice,
"Can you tell me when you took the test?"
"Yeah.... I took it two days ago. My body felt weird, and my period didn’t come, so... I thought maybe, and took it... and it was positive."
"Haha."
Only after hearing Ai’s explanation did Kaoru look back at the pregnancy test and become swept up in a strange, indescribable feeling—embarrassed, yet so happy he wanted to jump around.
He felt like laughing.
Was he happy? Or—what was this? He was going to be a father? Him? Kamiki Kaoru? He was going to be a father?
Kaoru stared at the test as if he might melt it with lasers, half laughing and half crying, and clenched both fists at the electrifying rush surging through him.
But then...
The moment a forgotten fact flashed through his mind, the joy, exhilaration, and trembling that had been rushing in went cold as if doused with ice water.
Crack! Feeling a grief that pierced his heart, Kaoru clenched his jaw until his teeth ground together and retraced his memories.
That night. The mistake of a night spent without contraception had snowballed and become a massive avalanche in the present.
Rationally, calmly speaking... Ai should absolutely not be pregnant right now. She was an idol.
After devoting nearly four years of her life to reaching [Budokan], she was now just one step away from the top.
If she gave birth here, not only Ai’s life, but her dreams and everything she had achieved so far would turn to foam and vanish.
Kaoru had vowed to protect Ai no matter what.
And yet.
Even if he didn’t know, she had endured that grueling schedule and all that hardship on her own while not being alone at all. If things had gone wrong, even Ai’s body could have been in danger.
Because of his own mistake—no one else’s—he had nearly dragged Ai’s brilliant present, and the brilliant future that should have continued shining, straight into the abyss.
That self-reproach... more than the joy of becoming a father, Kaoru was tormented by the aftermath of the mistake he himself had made.
To Kaoru, the most precious existence in this world was still [Hoshino Ai]. So Kaoru gripped the pregnancy test tightly, looked down at the hand clenched into a fist, then turned his gaze back to Ai and watched her quietly.
He felt deathly sorry for the baby in her belly for bringing this up, and all he could feel was pain greater than anyone else in the world.
Kaoru looked at her still-damp starry eyes and her tear-flushed face, and forced out the words that had been stuck in his throat—
swallowing a breaking sigh as he finally spoke.
"Ai. First, I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I... I’m sorry I made you endure that hard time alone because of me. So, Ai. Please don’t misunderstand me."
"...?"
"I’m so happy, so happy I feel like I could fly, but... I think every thing has its own ‘timing.’ No matter how much this baby came to us like a miracle, Ai, given the current situation and your health, realistically..."
"No!!!!!"
A piercing scream rang out through the park. Kaoru stopped speaking and could only stare at Ai, who was sobbing while clutching her stomach tightly.
Overwhelmed by sorrow and terrible emotional pain, Ai trembled all over and wrapped both arms around her lower belly as tightly as she could, doing everything she could to protect the baby inside.
[Motherly love].
For a tiny life not even the size of a fist, Ai, now a mother, curled up so desperately to protect her child.
Tears streaming down her face, Ai looked up at Kaoru with eyes full of resentment and pleading.
With a voice choked by desperate longing, Ai sobbed toward Kaoru.
"No... no... absolutely no... I’m going to have it... I want to have it... How can I give up on something I found out was happiness? It’s a baby that Kaoru gave me like a miracle... How could I give that up so easily...? I know, I know what Kaoru is going to say... I know, but... sob— I know, I know, but... I want to give birth... I want to be a mother... I want to make a family.... I want to sing lullabies to my beloved baby, and feed them, too...
When I imagine the baby sleeping with Kaoru... I want to talk about how cute and wonderful they’ll grow up to be later... I want to show our baby how I sing... and tell them what an amazing dad Kaoru is... I want to make lots of delicious snacks, too... Can’t we just rest for a little while—just a little while—and then have the baby? It’s the [truth], please! Huh? Kaoru— please! Ju— ngh!?”
Kaoru, who had been silently meeting her eyes and staring at her, couldn’t listen any longer and pulled Ai into his arms.
Without caring that the thermos full of barley tea spilled out beneath the bench, Kaoru wrapped his trembling hands around her body in a desperate embrace, as if terrified she might disappear.
For the first time. Tears he had never shed in the three years since recovering his memories from his past life.
Kaoru absolutely did not want to admit it. That because of his mistake, the person precious to him was hurting. So he hesitated and feared without even realizing it.
But the moment he realized that was exactly what was hurting the Ai he truly loved—Kaoru finally understood, with complete sincerity, what mistake he had made.
Ai’s true dream, the one she had dreamed of, longed for, admired, and yearned after as a lonely girl.
[Beloved family]
Hadn’t Kaoru been working harder than anyone else, using the memories of his past life, to become [family] with Ai?
When he remembered that, his mind went blank as if he’d been struck in the back of the head with a hammer.
"I didn’t notice Ai’s true feelings, and I didn’t even try to understand them. What the hell—what future was I even pretending to prepare for?"
His guilt over not understanding Ai’s heart, his self-reproach for his selfishness, and the pain of not being able to stand with the miracle baby all mixed together, stabbing into Kaoru’s heart like a red-hot dagger.
For his stupid behavior just now, Kaoru could only grit his teeth and cry in regret.
"I’m sorry, Ai. I’m sorry. I didn’t understand how you felt. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!"
"Kaoru..."
"Becoming a father doesn’t scare me at all. I was just... just afraid that because of me, you might end up in real trouble, that I might get in the way of your dream. I hesitated because I was afraid that a guy like me would make you give up everything."
Kaoru pulled Ai out of his arms and wiped away her tears with his right hand.
In his lover’s blue eyes, [star light] flickered and shone brilliantly with firm resolve.
"Let’s have it."
"...Really? Kaoru? Really?"
"Yeah. It was a miracle that would come to us someday anyway. It just... came a little earlier than expected. Haha."
"Hic! Thank you! Thank you, Kaoru...! I love you. Thank you! Thank you so much... for loving me...."
"I’m the one who’s grateful—so grateful you gave me my child. I love you! Ai!"
Kaoru stroked her tear-soaked face and kissed her, sharing in that deep happiness.
And the instant relief arrived, followed late by joy and excitement so intense it felt like he might float away. Kaoru broke off the kiss, stood up from the bench with a grin so wide it nearly reached his ears, and laughed happily.
"Hahahaha! Me, a dad? No way. Hahahahaha! Wow— wow!!! I’m a dad!!! Ai!!! I’m going to be a father!!!!! No way! No wayyyyyyyy!"
In that ecstatic, electrifying mood beyond words!
Kaoru clenched both fists, kissed Ai on the bench again, and then held the pregnancy test high in the air like a trophy, cheering as if he’d just won the World Cup.
"I’m going to be a father!!!!!!!"
Kaoru’s thrilling shout thundered through the snow-covered park, echoing loudly in the empty night.
-
Of course, it would have been nice if things had ended there, like a drama with a happy ending, and we could move on to the next chapter.
Becoming parents is a heaven-sent miracle and a bond ordained by heaven.
Across all of history, in every age, becoming the father and mother of a child has been enough, by itself, to make one a true [adult].
Becoming parents was also a chance to prove one’s sense of responsibility after the father and mother both worked hard to create the conditions so that there would be no difficulty in the “preparation” and no hardship in raising the child.
Yesterday, after sending Ai back to her lodging, they promised to meet again next time and said their farewells with a deep, lingering kiss.
And then—he stayed up all night staring at the pregnancy test.
He was perfectly fine without sleep. No, if anything, he felt as alert as if he’d been injected with a stimulant.
The moment it became 9:00 a.m., Kaoru picked up his phone and called Saito Ichigo, arranging a meeting by saying he earnestly requested to meet with him and his wife.
As expected of Ichigo, someone who worked in the entertainment industry, he called Kaoru to a place with few people and little foot traffic—his own home.
At their previous meeting, Ichigo had felt anger toward the human being called [Kamiki Kaoru], and beyond that, a very human curiosity. So he welcomed Kaoru readily, almost like a father with a daughter.
And then, what?
"......Haa."
Saito Ichigo was genuinely seized by the urge to smoke at home.
The sky looked yellow.
Yellow.
...Yellow.
He had already been on the verge of turning the bastard in front of him into a half-dead pulp with his fists, but the fact that this piece of trash—who wouldn’t have been out of place even if he’d been chewed up and spat out—was the father of the baby in Ai’s belly meant that...
Saito Ichigo ended things with only two punches, thanks to his superhuman restraint.
Ichigo’s wife, younger than him and also his subordinate at the company, [Saito Miyako], broke out in a cold sweat and slipped into the master bedroom with her phone in hand, even though it hadn’t rung, unable to withstand the solemn, tightrope atmosphere between her husband and the prospective son-in-law(?).
"Yes. Yes, yes! Yes!"
Once Miyako went into the bedroom, Ichigo instinctively checked the location of his beloved golf club rather than his favorite weapon.
Even in the suffocating atmosphere, Kaoru remained with both knees beginning to go numb, still kneeling respectfully, and kept his head bowed like a sinner for more than thirty minutes in front of the president and his wife.
If Ai had been there, she would have flashed her starry eyes and, with the monstrous strength bursting from her small frame, forcibly tried to drag Kaoru to his feet.
"......"
But Ai was at work.
He had come while she was away on purpose.
He hadn’t told Ai. It was, if anything, a selfish decision, and he felt sorry for that.
The pregnancy test was in Kaoru’s possession.
But now that he had already made up his mind to have the baby, he was no longer a fifteen-year-old—soon to be sixteen—minor. As her [husband] and as the [father], he could not back down now.
He had never once considered waiting until Ai’s belly grew round. What kind of madman could stand by and watch that while keeping his mouth shut?
Adding together his past and present ages, he was over fifty. He had once wanted to have a child with Marie while living with her, but because of the cruel reality he had been placed in, that wish had never come true.
So Kaoru had resolved to persuade the Saito couple no matter what.
But honestly speaking.
Kaoru had to admit that, rather than any moment in his past life, this present moment, right here and now, was the one where his life felt most like a candle in the wind.
"The test was three days ago, and I’m pretty sure it’s about a month along...."
"Yes."
"......Then you weren’t alone for [Budokan], either."
Saito Ichigo pressed a hand to his temple, overwhelmed by a headache. He wasn’t a woman, so that kind of common sense was only basic school knowledge, but even a little kid on the street would know that in the very early stages of pregnancy, you’re supposed to take it easy.
Of course, humans had lived through ancient times for ages, carrying babies in their bellies while hunting and gathering and doing all sorts of things, but this was the modern age, wasn’t it!?
It had been a little over half a month since Ai finished performing at [Budokan].
So that meant Ai had endured that brutal [Budokan] schedule while carrying a life smaller than a bean in her belly.
Ichigo had to squeeze his eyes shut.
That point was just as devastating and heartbreaking for Kaoru.
Without any exact basis for judgment, he had simply trusted Ai when she said she was fine, and though he had tried to be careful, in the end it had all happened because of that one night.
If he could go back, Kaoru felt like he would want to kill himself. He had nothing to say.
But even after their farewell kiss, Ai had said to the self-reproaching Kaoru,
- Again with the apologizing, Kaoru! I’m the [ultimate idol], so it’s only natural that the baby in my belly would be the [ultimate baby], right? I’m fine, you know—★
She had actually comforted him, telling him not to worry.
After hearing that, Kaoru had felt tears threatening to spill again for no reason, so he had only been able to bite his lip hard and nod.
So—for Ai’s sake too, Kaoru had to ask for permission, even if he got cursed at, beaten until his teeth broke, or had filthy water dumped over him.
After taking one breath, Kaoru performed a dogeza and shouted at Ichigo in a loud voice,
"Father-in-law!"
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