"...You should at least tell me who you are first."
"An audition offer?"
For some reason, I felt irritated, and I was about to get up from the bench when the man quickly sat down beside me and hurriedly started explaining.
"S-sorry. I got flustered and forgot to go through the proper steps. I’m Matsushige Sojiro, a producer for Fuji TV’s drama division. I was going to hand you my business card and explain things—"
"..."
Clap!
Instead of answering, I snatched the business card from his hand and checked the quality of the print, the ink, and the texture of the paper.
The Fuji TV extension number and personal number printed on it, his title and rank, even his career history on the back.
The photo matched too.
"What do you want? I’m still a twelve-year-old minor."
"Ah— um— well—"
What was I supposed to make of this strange middle-aged man staring at me so intently?
First of all, this was definitely a prejudice born from a misunderstanding.
Unless he was a pedophile, specifically a sexual deviant who got aroused by boys.
It was very rare for a middle-aged man to come up to me, hand me a business card, and have his eyes shining with excitement like a scientist who had just found a meteorite in the middle of the road.
"F-first, I’ll get straight to the point. As I said, I’m a producer in Fuji TV’s drama department. We’re in the middle of casting for a drama pre-production project right now. There’s one role that needs a child actor around elementary to middle school age, but we just can’t find anyone who really fits. The casting staff brought me about ten profiles, but I rejected all of them because none of them were any good. I’m sure it sounds hard to understand, but from a producer’s point of view, this is a real headache. I was even wondering whether we should hold a separate open audition, and then, while I was walking down the street, I happened to spot you. Right now!
You have those cold, heavy eyes that look like they’ve seen a lot, and they’re completely different from other boys your age. Your face is really nice too, and your voice and delivery are excellent. You’ve probably never even studied acting, but at this level, you really do have talent. Judging by your school uniform, you must go to a middle school nearby! Huh, strange. There should be plenty of kids around here who get castings, so how could I have not seen you before? No, no, that’s not the important part right now. Anyway, it’ll be a pretty good experience for you. I guarantee it. The audition is simple too. You just gather with the other child actors, read the script in order, and show a little acting. It’s not hard at all."
"..."
Like middle-aged men of this age tend to do, his breath was a disgusting mix of coffee and cigarette stench, the kind of smell people cling to more than a lover while fighting off exhaustion.
As he talked nonstop like a fish that had finally found water, his glasses slipped down his nose. He pushed them back up with one hand, then quickly pulled out his phone and said,
"Kid, could I get your name and your parents’ contact information? If you think it over and decide to take the role..."
I could see my own expression reflected in the man’s eyes.
Even though I clearly wasn’t making a friendly face, the man was doing everything he could to persuade me.
For a producer in the drama division of a major broadcaster like Fuji TV.
I couldn’t believe someone with that much rank and influence would sincerely go around the street recruiting people on the spot because I seemed so much like ‘talent.’
What exactly did he see in me?
Were all people in the broadcasting industry like this?
For someone like me, who had spent a lifetime running from cameras and CCTV, being told to stand in front of one was absurd.
Sorry to disappoint the old man who was generously painting my face in gold, but this offer was one I should refuse.
"Sir. I’m sorry, but I’ve never acted before, and I don’t really want to appear on TV either."
"Ah— th-then... hmm. I-is it that you feel a little pressured about acting in front of a camera? If it’s too difficult, we could do the camera test after the audition, once you’ve seen how it goes."
His shoulders slumped as if all his strength had gone out of him from my refusal, and his face showed disappointment and regret.
Seeing that he was still trying to hold on even after I’d turned him down, I could tell this was a producer’s genuine desperation, the kind that said it had to be me.
But no meant no.
Still, if there was any luck in this, it was that there was one other person this man had set his sights on besides me.
"I’m an identical twin. My younger brother works with a theater troupe. It’s called [Rararai Theater Troupe]."
"Huh!? R-really!? You have a twin brother? Wait, [Rararai Theater Troupe]. I don’t think I’ve heard of it—could I see a photo of your brother?"
"I don’t have any photos saved on my phone. He looks exactly like me. If you want, I can give you his phone number. Or you can contact [Rararai Theater Troupe] directly. His name is Hikaru Kamiki, and he’s twelve."
"Ah, thank you. Ah! Thank you so much. This really is a stroke of luck! Hahaha! Thank you! Oh, could you tell me your name too?"
For a moment, I didn’t feel like telling him my name.
But whether it was a whim or some tiny spark of interest I hadn’t even realized I had, I wasn’t sure.
In the end, I told him my name.
"It’s Kaoru Kamiki."
"That’s a good name! Thank you so much. Your brother will be happy. You’ll be blessed!"
I quietly watched the man’s back as he immediately pulled out his phone, called someone, and hurried off at a brisk pace.
It was an experience I’d never had in my previous life, so looking back on it, I felt dazed and drained, like I’d just woken from a dream.
A drama casting? An audition? I recommended my brother instead, and the producer thanked me and left.
What was this, a drama episode or something?
Once the brief commotion passed, I felt drained and sat back down on the bench to collect myself for a moment.
To experience something like this on the very first day back at school after being discharged.
As expected, it pays to live a long time.
"An audition..."
What was this strange feeling slowly rising through my chest?
I felt oddly regretful.
Ah.
Ah!
Why did I feel regretful?
After staring for a moment in the direction the man had gone, I sprang up from the bench.
Not wanting to figure out where that feeling of regret came from, I headed straight home.
-
Some people say the world moves by fate.
I had never been much of a fatalist, and while I was Catholic, I wasn’t especially devout.
But now I could at least agree a little with the idea that the world moves by fate.
My life had been a chain of things too strange to believe unless they were fate, a collection of utterly fucked-up coincidences.
And above all, I was perhaps the only person in the world who had regained memories of a past life.
I was the one who had experienced and witnessed fate most closely.
That was also why, every morning, I got up quickly at 6 a.m. and spent the two hours between then and 8 a.m., when I left for school, in my own way.
To put it simply, I got caught up in the memories of the past again.
A day passed, then two, then a week.
As the headaches eased and I began to adjust to living as myself, fate apparently didn’t like the fact that I had found peace. My senses started to sharpen and grow more alert, just like they had in my past life.
It felt as if the memories of my past life were seeping into every muscle that moved my body.
The techniques and know-how for moving my body, including the performance of moving my hands and feet, and even the sensations themselves, were identical to what the ruthless-trained "fugitive" had once felt, not those of a twelve-year-old boy.
Even the balance of the muscles I used to hold chopsticks while eating was done not with the body of twelve-year-old Kaoru Kamiki, but with the method I remembered from my past life.
The same went for the muscles and motions I used when turning a doorknob, or when running as the crosswalk light started blinking.
"...because of that, I can never escape my memories. My memories. My sweet memories."
"Yes. Good reading, Kaoru."
After bowing my head, I sat in my chair and stared quietly at the book without looking up.
I picked up the pen lying between the pages and casually underlined the text.
I could hear the teacher writing something on the blackboard with chalk, and the scratch of pens as everyone took notes.
Outside the window, a plane flew by, and from the playground came the sound of a ball being kicked around and noisy cheers, as if it were gym class.
None of it reached me.
I was alone.
That fate had already been decided the moment I remembered my past life in this world.
I wanted to pour out this suffocating fear, this despair as if I’d been stranded in the middle of the ocean, to anyone at all.
If someone handed me any pistol right now, I wanted to spout the insane bullshit that I could disassemble it down to the firing pin and reassemble it in fifteen seconds.
I wanted to tell any random passerby the insane bullshit that I could figure out whether the student sitting next to me was left-handed or right-handed, how long their stride was when they walked, which foot they favored, their usual habits and quirks, and even their vocabulary, and memorize all of it in my head in less than ten minutes.
Whether anyone believed me or not.
The endless fear that if I didn’t grab someone and spill it all out, I would be trapped forever in this horrible depression tightened around my throat.
I.
I.
"...You killed Marie. The moment you got into her car, the moment you stepped into her life, it was already destined. You’ll never escape the burden of being a murderer."
I was—
"You are no longer ───. Are you truly prepared to devote yourself to the nation?"
Crack.
"..."
The pen in my right hand couldn’t withstand my grip and snapped, bending into a V-shape.
My finger was pierced by the sharp plastic edge, and blood seeped out.
It hurt.
It hurt so fucking much that the urge to scream nearly swept through my whole body.
Since it was during class, I quietly took a handkerchief from my bag and wrapped it around my finger so no one would look this way.
"Tch. Haa..."
The blood I spilled was mine and no one else’s, the blood of me, Kaoru Kamiki.
That was a fact that would never, ever change.
I am Kaoru Kamiki. I am. I am Kaoru Kamiki.
Kaoru Kamiki.
So that no one else could hear it, I repeated the name circling in my mouth to myself.
Ding ♬ dong♪-
I used my headache as an excuse to skip after-school activities and leave early.
On the quiet afternoon main road as I walked home with my schoolbag, my phone rang in my pocket while I was waiting at the crosswalk.
I reached into my pocket, pulled out the flip phone, and checked the caller.
"..."
It was an unknown number.
And yet, for some reason, I felt like I had to answer, so I opened the flip phone and pressed the call button.
"Hello. This is Kaoru Kamiki."
[Ah, is this Kaoru Kamiki? Do you remember me? I’m Matsushige Sojiro, the Fuji TV producer who offered you the audition on the street.]
"Ah, yes. Hello."
The light turned green.
Feeling slightly confused, I brushed back my bangs that had grown down to my eyes and said,
"What is it? How did you get my number..."
[Ah, Kaoru-kun. Well, your younger brother Hikaru turned down the audition offer because he wasn’t feeling well, right? No, I even spoke directly with [Rararai Theater Troupe], but they said their schedule was too packed and they couldn’t possibly free him up. Haa. It was such a headache that I somehow managed to get your phone number and called you now. Are you free to talk?]
"..."
Beep-beep-
Beep-beep-
The signal sound that comes just before the green light goes out echoed across the crosswalk.
I quickly started walking again, stepping forward.
Why was I listening so carefully to this call?
Why was I remembering that feeling of "regret" I’d had on the bench that day?
"Yes. I’m free to talk."
Some people said the world moved by fate.
ㅣ ↗ Odaiba-bound ㅣ
Whether the world moved by fate or by dark matter didn’t matter.
"No... I’ll go to Odaiba."
Because there was something I wanted to try.
Comments (0)
Please log in to leave a comment. Login or Register