"……."
After staring blankly at the rabbit doll made from the ultimate knitted yarn gift Kaoru had given him, he let out a quiet, deep sigh and got up from the sofa.
He had already learned how to walk in his past life, so there was no need for the stroller he used as camouflage to hide his identity on this dark night.
Slowly, I walked to the balcony window and looked up at the dark night sky.
"...What are you trying to do, giving me a gift and all."
A bitter, self-mocking smile reflected in the glass. I didn’t wipe it away, just rested my forehead against the balcony window.
What Kaoru had said earlier kept echoing in my ears, as if he were still standing there, handing over the rabbit doll Ai had made herself.
The boy who was much younger than me, [father], said he would always protect me and that girl... no, my little sister Ruby too. He said it with those ocean-blue eyes of his shining warmly, full of kindness.
My chest felt restless.
My hot head and cold heart kept crashing into each other, both trying to make their case.
At last, finally, only now, I had accepted his [sincerity], but it still felt like I had a long way to go.
It wasn’t just that I was happy to receive the rabbit he had knitted himself. It was the way so many more complicated feelings and events had piled up inside my head and left me in a mess.
The existence of a [father] I had never met in my past life, never spoken to, and didn’t even know the face of...
The [boy] who had won the heart of the Ai I loved and adored so deeply, and who had given me twins...
The idiot who had made such a grand promise to protect us, only to fail to keep even that promise and die after abandoning his responsibility like a fool...
The experience of having lived for more than thirty years was nothing more than useless sediment now.
This was my first time experiencing something like this. I had no idea what I was supposed to do.
Was I Amamiya Goro? Or was I Hoshino Aquamarine? Amamiya Goro was dead, and Hoshino Aquamarine was living a life showered in the love of both his parents.
The boy younger than me had become my father, and to someone like me, he was offering endless, heartfelt love. On that face that had once seemed incapable of even smiling, he looked at me with the brightest expression in the world.
I was once Amamiya Goro. If Kaoru knew that, how would he look at me? I was afraid.
The child who gave birth to me, Kaoru, who had gotten Ai pregnant—he was my father... and he loved me with all his heart.
I could no longer turn away from his sincerity. From the sincerity I had shut my eyes and ears to, desperately denying and avoiding all this time.
What on earth am I supposed to do...?
Clutching the rabbit doll tight against my chest, I quietly steadied my breathing and tried to calm my heart.
"Ha."
Another sigh escaped me.
I didn’t know.
No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t find an answer.
The love woven into that rabbit doll. I understood that sincerity, but at this moment, I still couldn’t be happy about it... and I hated myself for that.
【Can’t you give it to me? Ah, no. I’m not saying give it to me outright! I mean, lend it to me~】
As soon as Kaoru left the house, that guy... no, Ruby started drooling over the rabbit doll in my hands and chattered nonsense with a wagging tongue.
I found it irritating and refused flatly, and she glared at me with eyes full of anger.
Then she sulked hard... and went off to play by herself without saying another word to me before falling asleep.
Like the ultimate fan of Ai that she was, she had really been genuinely upset.
"……."
When I went into the room, I found Ruby sleeping soundly on the bed, somehow having climbed up there and covered herself with Ai’s hoodie like a blanket.
"Sarina...."
Sarina had also been a huge fan of Ai. Seeing Ruby brought Sarina to mind, and the sight of her sleeping peacefully under that hoodie made me feel sorry for her.
I lifted the rabbit doll in my hand for a moment.
...I’m an adult.
An adult.
And maybe the boy who had once owned this rabbit doll wouldn’t want it either.
Suppressing my reluctance, I rose onto my tiptoes and carefully placed the rabbit doll beside Ruby.
I hope this makes her feel a little better.
She shouldn’t be throwing a tantrum like a little baby.
After staring at Ruby’s sleeping face for a moment, I soon left the room and walked back to the sofa.
Lying down on the sofa, I felt as if the tangled mess in my head and heart had been sorted out a little.
And so, I surrendered myself to the drowsiness that came over me and went to sleep.
-
< [Exclusive] Kamiki Kaoru returns to the small screen... confirmed for a supporting role in a youth drama... >
< The star of "Grande Ensemble Tokyo"’s sold-out run finally breaks his mystique and begins public activities? >
< Weekly Column: "Why Are We Paying Attention to This Boy? The Reason the Japanese art world Is Watching Him!" >
After promising to work with Director Gotanda Taishi again in the not-too-distant future, Kaoru carefully sorted through the scripts that had come in for him and ultimately decided to appear in a youth school drama airing in the evening on terrestrial TV.
Unlike other dramas, which ran for ten to twelve episodes, this one was unusual in that it was set at eight episodes, with two special episodes added to make a ten-episode run.
Among the scripts that had come his way, it had the shortest episode count and the most relaxed filming schedule.
The reason was that this drama was essentially a self-promotion vehicle for young or newly debuted actors to show their faces.
Rumors quietly spread that major agencies and production companies had persuaded broadcasters and advertisers by offering long-term exclusive contracts for their actors and models at far below market rates, in exchange for having those same actors and models appear exclusively in the youth dramas that carried the ads.
But that was neither here nor there as far as Kaoru was concerned.
In the end, he still didn’t have an agency, and he had to keep the annoying promise he made while persuading the school to let him return: that he would stay in the top ten on the midterm exams and not neglect his studies.
The conditions that made him choose this drama were that the timing was right—filming would mostly finish during summer vacation and the broadcast would start in the fall—and that the role he was given was about the right size, neither too large nor too small, a supporting part with just enough presence to stand out. And above all—
"Hahaha! Kaoru-kun! Long time no see!"
"...Producer?"
The producer who had brought him into acting, Matsushige Sojiro, had retired from the industry for four years due to poor physical condition and mental strain. Now he was back, taking charge of the production and direction of this drama.
After recovering in the beautiful, water-rich natural scenery of Switzerland rather than Japan, thanks to all the years he had worked himself like a dog, Producer Matsushige Sojiro returned with a gaunt face. Kaoru gave a bitter smile, bowed politely, and accepted the handshake Sojiro offered.
"Hahaha. Wow. You’ve really grown up since I last saw you. You’re a second-year in high school now, right?"
"Yes. Four years is... quite a long time. I’ve grown a lot."
"...And it’s not just your height."
Producer Sojiro looked at the red starlight shining in Kaoru’s blue eyes with a faint smile and a wistful expression.
Remembering the little boy who had once sat on a bench, Sojiro felt deeply moved as he looked at the boy who had grown so firmly in both body and mind in the blink of an eye.
Was this really the same boy? Sojiro was swept up in an indescribable emotion as he looked up at the boy, now taller than him, and felt the boy’s large, solid hand clasp his own.
Kaoru also trusted Sojiro’s eccentric talent, so when he heard about his return, he immediately called the casting director himself and said he would take the role.
It was a strange bond, appearing now as a supporting actor in the drama Sojiro had directed four years ago after having appeared in it as a minor extra back then. Kaoru couldn’t help but feel something odd about it.
"While I was gone, things got pretty lively, didn’t they. Hmm... For the good news, I’d like to congratulate you. For the sad news... all I can really say is that I’m truly sorry."
"Yes. Thank you."
"Right... Ah, and one more thing. I wanted to thank you for proving that my eyes weren’t wrong. The day I found you was truly a stroke of luck and a miracle. I’m glad we’ve met again like this, as director and actor."
Kaoru quietly nodded, newly realizing that the passion of someone who had returned from the brink of death burned so brilliantly.
After reuniting with this renewed connection and spending a little time catching up, Kaoru left the station and returned to the troupe.
And then—
"Kyaaah! Congratulations, Kaoru!"
"Ghk! Ai!"
After leaving the twins at the Saito family home, eating dinner with her in her one-room apartment, and telling her he had accepted the drama offer, Ai’s starry eyes sparkled as she hugged Kaoru tightly from the side.
Kaoru bit his tongue a little because of it, but he didn’t mind and patted her shoulder as he said,
"You’re really happy, huh? Happy that your husband’s going to be on TV?"
"Mm-hm. That too, but..."
Ai let go of the hug and gave him a small smile, as if trying hard to hold back her guilt, then clasped Kaoru’s hand tightly.
"Because of me... you gave up on your dream, Kaoru. So I’m relieved that you’re going to keep chasing it again."
"...Ai."
At her words, Kaoru could only stare silently into her starlit eyes for a moment.
She had still been carrying it in her heart. That sense of debt and guilt. Ai had been holding on to it all this time.
Kaoru didn’t care, but Ai was truly happy about her husband’s miraculous return to the path he had abandoned for her alone.
That was why, instead of feeling sad or regretful, Ai had decided to ease her husband’s worries and express her happiness as openly as she could.
"Mm... You’re going to get even busier than you are now, way, way busier, and it’ll probably be hard to even see your face, right?"
She had clearly wanted to express her joy to the fullest... but then she suddenly grew dejected at the thought that it would be hard to see Kaoru’s face.
Kaoru found her honestly downcast expression adorable, and after gently stroking her warm, soft cheek with his right hand, he gave a small nod and said,
"Yeah. Probably... But we can make time whenever possible. It’s not like I’ve got a leading role, and the director was the one who first cast me four years ago, so I’m sure he’ll be considerate. Don’t worry."
"...Mm. Sorry, Kaoru. I really wanted to congratulate you... but for something this small... I’m sorry."
"Ai."
Smiling, Kaoru pulled Ai into a tight embrace and stroked her hair, soothing her heart.
Schoolwork, the troupe, filming.
He had a lot to do. Ai was busy too, but... soon, his schedule would become so packed that hers would seem trivial by comparison.
He wouldn’t be able to see the twins much, and until summer was over, it would be hard to make time to see his wife’s face either.
To gently calm Ai’s faint anxiety and need for affection, Kaoru slowly ran a large hand through her hair.
Feeling the warmth and stability of her husband’s solid embrace, Ai quietly closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest, breathing evenly and softly before long.
"...Ai?"
"..."
Even when he called her carefully, there was no answer. Narrowing his eyes, Kaoru immediately wrapped his arms tightly around her back and checked her breathing and heartbeat.
"..."
She was really exhausted. Kaoru let out a relieved breath when he saw that she had simply fallen asleep in his arms, and then he bit his lip softly at the ache of pity in his chest.
The journey toward a dream is never smooth.
All he could do was watch from the side and cheer on his still-young wife as she walked forward bravely on her own.
He would solve every external problem for her by any means necessary.
But the journey itself, the act of walking that road, depended solely on Ai’s own ability and talent.
Carefully cradling his small, light wife, Kaoru rose easily to his feet.
"...You must be really tired."
"...Mm-"
She didn’t wake until he laid her on the bed, as if she had fallen into a very deep sleep, and she kept holding tightly to his clothes just like she did when putting the twins to sleep.
Kaoru didn’t pull her hand away. Instead, so she wouldn’t wake, he braced himself on one elbow and half-lay down beside her, looking at her sleeping face with his blue eyes.
He carefully tidied her disheveled purple hair with his index finger, then lightly brushed her lips before—
"O...ru..."
"……."
He lowered his elbow and lay down beside her.
Her breathing sounded out in a steady rhythm, soft and even. Was she even meeting him in her dreams?
In the bed scented with her sweet body fragrance, Kaoru stared at his wife’s side profile and lifted his left hand to pull the blanket over her.
"I’m here. I’ll always be here. So sleep well."
Holding tightly to the hand that still refused to let go of his clothes, he lay there with his arm under his head.
And for a long while, he kept looking at his wife’s face, lost in thought.
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