『Ai Hoshino』.
Her stage name was "Ai."
She didn’t even know what her father looked like, and her mother abused her when she was little before ending up in prison for theft.
Even after being placed in a public childcare facility, her mother never came to take her daughter back.
Her mother had been frightening and terrifying, someone who had never given her love or taught her anything.
But when she heard that her mother had been released, and then slept through several nights without being taken away, she finally felt relieved. And along with that relief came a strange sadness that somehow slipped in between the cracks.
Even so, Ai didn’t want to throw away her own name.
Ai Hoshino.
It was the only trace of her mother that still remained to her.
When she debuted as an [idol] using that name as her stage name, Ai finally understood what her younger self was supposed to do.
[Love].
"I’m an unbeatable idol who gets love from all of you—!!! I love you!!!"
She wanted to try [love].
She wanted to try [love] because she didn’t know what [love] was.
She wanted to [love] because no one had ever taught her how to do it.
So.
Even though it was a [lie], she shouted [love].
If she shouted, if she kept shouting until her voice gave out.
Maybe one day, she’d be able to do it.
No matter what form it took, what color it had, or what kind of person it was.
But.
...I’m scared.
"Hoo—"
"Haa—"
The members of B Komachi climbed into the vehicle one by one, looking exhausted.
The late dinner was a boxed meal from a nearby shop.
Even that had gone completely cold.
They had received plenty of love from their fans, but in the end, they were still human beings who had to eat to live.
There was nothing more irritating than mealtime with cold food.
Still.
"..."
When Ai saw that her own boxed meal still included white rice, she could only let out a bitter smile.
She quietly set the lid down, brought her legs together neatly, placed the lunch box on her thighs, and used her chopsticks to pick up a meatball instead of rice and put it in her mouth.
It was cold, but the sweet-and-sour sauce and the meatball’s juices still came through just fine.
If only it had been a little warmer, it would have tasted even better.
The van was quiet as everyone ate.
No one spoke.
It was a somewhat cramped van, but the way the members sat somehow matched the atmosphere inside the vehicle, where a strange silence hung in the air.
"Today, my makeup just wasn’t working, and it pissed me off."
"Why? You looked pretty today~"
Occasional snippets of conversation, and private stories known only to them.
Even though the seats were spread apart, anyone who wasn’t an idiot could tell that the members of B Komachi were subtly keeping their distance from one person.
"..."
Ai silently listened to the new updates between the members—updates she didn’t even know when they’d been added—and picked at her side dishes.
She wanted to join the conversation, but neither she nor the others wanted that.
She thought she had gotten used to this pattern, which was practically an unspoken agreement by now.
But honestly—after a hard day of work that dragged on until late at night like this, it was only natural to want to grab someone and dump all the annoying and fun things that had happened on them, whether they wanted to hear it or not, just to end the day.
But Ai simply chose silence.
In a life built on [lies], [truth] was sometimes nothing more than an eyesore that shattered the illusion.
As long as she herself just kept doing what she had been doing, there wouldn’t be a problem.
That had been her [life] from the very beginning.
Buzz—
She stopped using her chopsticks at the vibration from her phone, took it out, and checked the message.
------------
● Kaoru ★ ●
PM 10:10
- Have you eaten?
------------
"!"
Ai’s eyes widened.
The light spilling from her phone filled the darkness in her eyes and brought color back to them.
A message from Kaoru, sent this late at night.
Over the past while, because of his busy schedule, they hadn’t been able to properly do even their acting lessons, let alone keep in touch, but lately Kaoru had been the one to text first more often.
Ai’s mood lifted even more than when she’d eaten the meatball, and she set down her chopsticks too, beginning to reply to the message that suited his indifferent personality perfectly.
-------------
PM 10:11
- Yep! I’m eating right now (✧∀✧)/ !!
- My schedule just ended.
- I’m sleepy and tired (×﹏×)
-----------
After sending it, Ai scrolled up for a moment and looked through the messages they’d exchanged so far.
When she roughly calculated the ratio of Kaoru’s texts to hers, she wasn’t sure exactly—but in any case, she had sent more. A lot more.
He was a few months younger than her, so technically he was in the year below her, but his indifferent texts somehow made him feel like a much older man.
Even when they actually talked, and even when she watched his behavior and tone beside her, Kaoru didn’t feel like a fifteen-year-old at all. He felt more like a thirty-five-year-old man.
"Hehe—"
That made him even more interesting.
He was like an onion, something you could keep peeling forever.
Of course, if you actually tried to peel his skin, you’d probably end up crying like you’d smelled a pungent onion.
Anyway—Kaoru was like an onion.
He was way more handsome than an onion, but still—
Buzz—
------------
● Kaoru ★ ●
PM 10:13
- Is that so?
- You worked hard. But even if you’re tired, make sure you eat properly.
- That way you can keep going even when things are rough.
- More than anything, you’re still growing.
------------
"...What. He’s totally like an old man."
But the smile never left Ai’s face.
Her thumbs moved quickly as she typed out the line she’d thought of in her head.
-------------
PM 10:14
- Ah, it turned on. Old-man-mode Kaoru!?
- (=｀ω´=) == Go watch late-night TV already!!
- Busy teenagers can’t text old men o(｀ω´*)o
-----------
Like a mischievous brat who’d succeeded in a prank, Ai stifled her laughter and giggles.
She could practically see Kaoru’s expression through the phone.
Come on! Hurry up and answer!
With her thumb poised over the keyboard, Ai waited for the phone to buzz with the irritated reply she expected from Kaoru.
But—
"...Eh."
Even after fifteen minutes. Even after sixteen.
No reply came from Kaoru.
What was going on?
The smile that had been beaming just moments ago vanished, leaving only the girl’s slightly parted lips as she tilted her head in confusion.
Maybe.
The thought flashed through her mind, and Ai’s eyes trembled faintly. A prickling sensation ran from the top of her head to her bangs.
She knew better than anyone that she wasn’t good at this kind of communication.
Her relationships with others weren’t good, she wasn’t used to communicating with people, and her life had always been about curling up and hiding herself rather than stepping forward.
"..."
Maybe Kaoru had been upset by her text.
Maybe she’d suddenly gotten carried away, drunk on her own mischief, and done something mean to Kaoru.
What if he’d been annoyed at being called an old man? What if he really meant he wasn’t going to text anymore, and that was why he wasn’t replying?
Ai felt her heart drop as if the sky-high excitement she’d been riding had plunged straight through an invisible floor.
Even though she knew in her head that the Kaoru she knew wouldn’t do that.
Even though she had found little bits of everyday happiness in the way she herself was changing because of Kaoru.
Ai was scared—
Buzz—
"Ah!"
Suddenly a message flew in, and Ai let out a small scream in surprise at the vibration.
------------
● Kaoru ★ ●
PM 10:18
- Sorry, I was on a call for a bit because of extra filming, so my reply was late.
- But old-man mode???
- I’m not an old man?!
- I’m fifteen. I’m only a few months younger than you, but I’m definitely younger.
- I don’t even watch late-night TV. I’m not interested in weird time slots like that!
------------
"Pff—!"
As she imagined Kaoru furiously typing a reply much faster than his usual pace, the anxiety and restlessness she’d felt just moments ago vanished like snow falling in a dream, and the mischievous grin returned.
At times like this, she was reminded all over again that Kaoru was someone who didn’t change, someone who looked at her exactly as she was.
He had been the same during acting lessons too, patiently guiding her, helping her, understanding her, and soothing her when she was awkward and lacking.
And right now, the way he was getting flustered and acting like a fifteen-year-old little brother was also a very [cute] charm you wouldn’t easily find in the usually indifferent, adult-like Kaoru.
"Heheh—idiot Oru!"
With starlight now filling her eyes, which had forgotten all about tiredness, Ai continued typing with a devilish smile.
But Kaoru’s reply came even faster.
------------
● Kaoru ★ ●
PM 10:19
- When are you free?
------------
"Ah."
An unexpected message.
Ai stared at it for a moment, then moved her thumb up and down over the keyboard before checking whether the manager was in the driver’s seat.
"Um—Manager!"
When Ai called from the back seat, the manager, who had been doing something, looked up and then turned to face the back right away.
"Huh? What is it? Want some water?"
"No! I was just wondering if there’s a day this week when my schedule is free?"
"Ah—your schedule? Hold on—"
The manager rummaged through a calendar notebook and a briefcase to check the schedule, then clicked a pen and said, "Yep~ Friday is only the morning, so you’re free after that. Saturday is completely open. But Sunday is... starting at dawn."
"Eeeh—You’re kidding, right~?"
"Nope, not kidding—"
"How are we supposed to get up?"
"Ah, thank you!"
Even as the other members groaned like they were dying, Ai ignored them and thanked the manager with sparkling eyes.
Her thumbs moved quickly.
------------
PM 10:23
- If it’s only Friday morning, then that means I’m free until Saturday!
- Free for the first time in a month!!!! (≧∀≦) ๑✧∀✧๑）
------------
Buzz—
The reply came the moment she sent the message.
Ai didn’t realize that this strange excitement swelling in her chest was the feeling called [sincerity], and simply sent the message as if she were only happy about having time off.
As a result...
------------
● Kaoru ★ ●
PM 10:24
- You haven’t had a break in a month?
- Sorry. Ai. You really should rest. You must have been pushing yourself hard for the past month.
- Actually, this time I texted because I had some free time at the beginning of the performance run after filming wrapped, and I also got tickets to a theater troupe performance and wanted to go with you.
- But if this is your first break in a month, I think it’d be better to make time later.
------------
"Eh?"
What?
What?
Why?
How come?
After reading Kaoru’s message, Ai didn’t really know what this current [feeling] was.
But there was one thing she knew for sure.
One thing, truly one thing, that was certain.
The sharp ache that cut deep into her heart, along with the sigh that burst out on its own, was the very [feeling] she hated most, the one she wanted to avoid more than anything.
Ai shook her head several times and hurriedly tapped out a reply.
------------
PM 10:25
- Nooooooooooo
- I don’t need to rest!!! Ai is super healthy, healthy like a rabbit with batteries in it
- I want to go see it I want to see the performance I want to go see it I want to see the performance I’m going to see it I want to go I’m going to see it
- Kaoru! I’m going to see the performance too! You promised you’d buy Ai donburi~~~
- (ಥ﹏ಥ)
- (｡•́︿•̀｡)
- (╥﹏╥)
- .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.
------------
Had Ai’s cry gotten through?
The reply that came back immediately was, thankfully...
Buzz—
------------
● Kaoru ★ ●
PM 10:26
- Okay... stop sending those.
- I didn’t think you’d want to see me that badly...
- Then... I’ll assume we’re meeting before Friday evening.
- And text or call me when you get on the train. I’ll come pick you up at the station.
- Then have a good night, Ai.
------------
------------
PM 10:27
- Yep, got it~ (★≧▽^))★☆
- Thank you, Oru-chan!
- I’ll text you!
- Oru-chan, you have sweet dreams too (＞ｖ＜)ゞ゜+
------------
"Mm~★ Hehe—"
Ai folded up her phone, held it in both hands against her chest, and bounced her feet like a child waiting for a picnic.
The fatigue she’d felt when she got into the car was gone before she knew it.
All she could look forward to was Friday evening this week.
Using that anticipation as fuel, Ai resolved to work even harder on stage as an [idol]—and then,
"Nom nom—"
She finished off the leftover meatballs, now completely cold, and started her happy meal.
"It’s delicious!"
The meatballs tasted far better than they had when she first ate them.
Ai ended up smiling from ear to ear.
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