"Okay. Scene number 253…"
Director Gotanda took a breath for a moment, megaphone in hand.
The decisive 1%.
He had decided to leave that 1% to the actor’s ability, and had coordinated everything as much as possible for the 99% of direction he had in mind.
But still…
He had no choice but to trust them.
"Ready. Action!"
The lights were adjusted to nighttime, and the set was illuminated by the soft brightness of natural light.
It was a night when everyone should have been asleep, but not for the Aizawa mother and daughter.
"Ugh—"
"Yui! Are you okay?"
"I’m okay. It just hurts where the IV needle’s inserted. Heh—"
Watching her daughter receive a narcotic painkiller by pressing the button installed on the IV, tears welled up and spilled in Ai’s starry eyes.
Like dark clouds spreading across the night sky, her brilliant starlight was nowhere to be seen; only worry for her daughter filled her eyes.
But—
"Why are you crying again? I said I’m fine…"
"Ah, sorry. I promised I wouldn’t cry, Yui. Mom’s sorry. I’m sorry…"
"…Mom."
Kana slowly lifted a hand and took hold of Ai’s hand.
She already knew. Even without hearing it from the doctor, she knew she would not live long carrying this kind of pain.
She already knew.
So Kana wanted to tell her.
[The fear of closing your eyes and leaving behind the person you love, the person you cherish. When you want to give up, you deliberately try even harder to pretend you won’t.]
To reassure the person who stayed by your side just one more time.
To reassure the person you love. Just one more time.
Greed, and selflessness.
For the sake of you, who would send me away and be left forever aching with grief.
To do her very best until the end.
"Mom. Look at me. Okay?"
"Hic… no…. Mom… still… Yui…"
She had broken her promise to her daughter not to cry.
That was why she could not lift her head even more. The moment she did, the helpless reality she feared facing—the sight of her daughter’s final moments—would enter her vision.
Kana, who was tightly holding the hand of her mother trying to shrink into a child before her, let a small smile bloom as her red eyes shone.
"It’s okay. Mom. It’s fine if you forget Yui… so Mom, please always smile. Smile a hundred times more than the tears you shed. Whenever you remember me, Mom crying like a little kid… I don’t like that."
"Don’t say that, don’t say that. Mom— Yui has to keep living with Mom… Mom… Mom… I want to live with Yui… I don’t want to forget… I can’t forget…"
"Mom."
Even through the pain, Kana clenched her teeth and moved her body, placing her other hand over the child’s hand.
The warmth of her daughter’s hand soothed Honoka’s aching heart.
The [sincerity] and [affection] meant to reassure the person she loved.
"Yui is always on Mom’s side, okay? Just like Mom hugged me when I was having a hard time… Yui too— Yui too…… will always hug Mom. I’ll hug you tight. So…"
Tears that had been shimmering in her red eyes fell drop by drop, soaking the pillow.
But her smile, in contrast, grew even deeper. Brighter. Shining like the sun, trying to drive away the darkness in the child’s starlit eyes.
"…Even if you cry… please stop… quickly. And smile…. Yui will smile with Mom too. Promise?"
"Yui… sob— I, I promise… I promise…. Yui…"
"Until… until you have someone who loves Mom… someone I’d be jealous of… someone so wonderful that I’d be jealous… until then, I’ll keep protecting Mom…."
At last, as if Kana’s sincerity had reached her, the child showed a heartbreakingly gentle smile at the corners of her mouth and brought Kana’s two hands to her cheeks.
So that for even a single moment, she could imprint and remember her daughter’s warmth and love in her heart.
At this sad vow between mother and daughter, perhaps their last to one another—
"……."
Director Gotanda said nothing, simply keeping silent as he watched the two actors perform.
Not with the eyes of a [director] judging the acting in detail, or checking whether it matched his own aesthetic sense and direction.
As an observer fully immersed in the world he had conceived.
As an outsider witnessing the two of them preparing for their separation in reality.
At last, the abstract concept that had seemed almost within reach yet not quite there, vague and indistinct, settled into place in Director Gotanda’s mind like the final piece of a puzzle.
The missing 1% that had never been filled to the very end.
The most important 1% that had vanished while he translated the image, composition, direction, and imagination he had envisioned into text.
'…A promise that sustains the life of the one left behind. Resolve. And… [love].'
"…Sniff."
Director Gotanda’s brow twitched slightly at the sound of the youngest assistant director sniffing behind him.
There would be nothing more awkward than later realizing, during editing, that a third person’s sniffle had been mixed into the microphone.
Director Gotanda, whose throat was already rough from his usual smoking, cleared it once and shouted through the megaphone toward Ai and Kana.
"Okay, cut! That was really good. Good work, both of you."
With his excellent eyesight, Kana saw Director Gotanda’s relieved and satisfied expression as he called the cut with a pleased voice!
At last, the joy of being acknowledged by the picky and temperamental Director Gotanda, and the satisfaction that the finishing move she had analyzed and performed as [Aizawa Yui] had worked perfectly—
And then…
"Sniff! Thank you for all your hard work— eh! Senpai?"
"Uu… Kana-chan. Sniff— you worked hard. Mm…"
Ai, who had raised her upper body—
stood up from the chair and hugged her tightly, her brilliant starlit eyes shimmering with a mix of regret and reluctance.
At the warmth of the child’s embrace—
At the sudden, real embrace, not acting, a feeling of a hug she had somehow forgotten existed, Kana’s eyes widened.
"Eh— eeeh— I, uh…"
She was so happy her heart was pounding that Kana’s mind actually went blank with confusion.
It was a different feeling from thinking about Aqua, or from facing Aqua.
Even if she was the unremarkable [Arima Kana], jealous, bad-tempered, foul-mouthed, and frankly underqualified—
'Senpai… has been thinking about me… like this every day….'
Come to think of it, Ai had always been the one to approach Kana first.
At first she had forced herself to smile it off, thinking it was just the distance-setting of a [legendary idol], even when it felt overwhelming.
But Kana realized. This was how [Hoshino Ai] treated someone precious to her, someone she liked.
'……Why is her style so completely opposite from Aqua-kun’s…?'
Exactly the opposite of that infuriatingly indifferent, infuriatingly grown-up-pretending boy.
Could her sincerity ever reach a boy like that?
If it did.
If it did, it would feel so good she might fly away.
But on the other hand.
It was strange, but the feeling of someone else’s sincerity reaching her… wasn’t bad at all.
"…Thank you. Senpai."
At last, the filming schedule ended and Arima Kana would be leaving the drama, but—
Because she had gained unforgettable memories, and precious experience that would let her grow one step further as an actor.
Just like [Aizawa Yui] had done.
Pat-pat—
With a smile full of [sincerity] blooming at her lips, Kana too—
stretched out her arms, which had been wandering without a place to go, and wrapped them around Ai’s small shoulders.
-
After finishing her last shoot with Kana in tears.
Only the final past scene of [Aizawa Honoka], the one who had sent her daughter away, remained.
The busy staff had already finished all their standby preparations, and waited in silence for Director Gotanda’s cut signal.
She wore no makeup at all, only a light layer of powder to make her complexion look pale and sickly.
Filming the crying scene with Kana that morning had left her eyes swollen, showing just how much the child was struggling in the pain of loss.
An old, shabby apartment common anywhere in Tokyo. And a yellowed floor.
And in front of the child sitting still, dazed, was [Aizawa Yui]’s school blouse.
Director Gotanda quietly decided to give the cue himself in a live voice instead of through the megaphone, and waited for Ai’s emotions to come together.
And finally.
"Action."
When Director Gotanda’s cue dropped, Ai slowly opened her reddened starlit eyes and looked at the school blouse of her daughter lying on the floor.
"……."
Ai’s dry breathing. Yet within it, the raw pain and resentment, and the maternal love that missed her daughter so deeply it hurt.
The brilliant starlit eyes that had once shone were stripped of their light and turned as dark as the night sky.
Ai lifted her right hand and gently stroked her daughter’s school blouse. She touched the buttons, then absentmindedly straightened the collar at the neck as if her daughter’s warmth might still remain there.
Drip— drop—
Large tears flowed endlessly down Ai’s chin.
Like someone who still could not grasp reality, Ai kept fiddling endlessly with the sleeves of her daughter’s school blouse.
"…Ha…"
To lose the most precious and beloved existence in one’s life.
The sense of touch, the warmth of a body, a voice, body heat, a scent. And all the countless emotions felt while holding that existence in one’s eyes.
Memories bound to the one who was lost, recollections, even the heart itself—everything.
"Hk. Hic— hhhk— hhhk—!"
The pain of a mother who has lost her child.
Probably like this.
No, even beyond this.
Mom.
Mama!
Mom!
Ma—!
"Hic hic. Uuuuu— hic hic! Uuuuuu— kkeuk—!"
Shaking all over— as if vomiting up the grief boiling in her chest as sobs.
Unable to stop crying, Ai clutched the school blouse tightly to her chest and let her upper body collapse forward as if falling to the floor.
Just hearing the crying was enough to make the staff feel the agony of a mother who had lost her child, and they watched Ai’s acting with reddened eyes.
Director Gotanda, silently watching the emotional line of Ai as she had already become one with [Aizawa Honoka], gradually had a clearer look in his eyes.
"!"
He had been amazed by the incredible chemistry between Ai and Kana in the final scene.
But to draw out such an astonishingly immersive emotional line all by herself required a great deal of experience, know-how, and nerve.
For tackling such a difficult role, such difficult acting, without once complaining about his inadequate direction, and finally showing her true worth before everyone’s eyes—
Director Gotanda could finally feel gratitude toward Ai.
"……."
After a while, sensing someone behind him, Director Gotanda slowly turned his head—
At the appearance of a familiar and welcome face, he let a faint smile cross his lips and then turned his gaze back to Ai’s performance.
She had truly shown acting beyond what anyone could ask for, and crying scenes consumed a great deal of physical and mental energy from an actor.
Director Gotanda deliberately cleared his throat, used diaphragmatic breathing, and called out loudly.
"Cut! That was really good. Good work, Ai-san."
"Hic— hic hic— hic—"
"Ai-san?"
Director Gotanda’s brow slowly drew together as he called the cut.
Filming had ended, but Ai was still clutching the school blouse tightly and could not stop crying.
The staff around them looked back and forth between Director Gotanda and Ai in surprise.
"Hic… hic—! Ugh! Hic hic—!"
The emotions she had immersed herself in as [Aizawa Honoka], and forced onto herself—
[Hoshino Ai], who had lived as the mother of four children, was having her own heart shaken and unable to wake up from it.
Just by imagining, immersing in, and layering on the pain of losing a child—
Ai was now sobbing more deeply than any character she had ever played before, to the point where she could not even hear the cut signal.
Each time she felt the texture of the school blouse in her arms—
She remembered the smiles and warmth of the precious babies she had held in her arms.
And because [Aizawa Honoka]’s heart was so heartbreaking and pitiful.
Ai could not easily gather herself, and kept crying, tears spilling out in sobs.
"……."
The man who had been watching Ai cry from behind Director Gotanda immediately stepped forward—
He approached Ai, whom none of the staff could bring themselves to reach for, slowly bent his knees, and sat down on the floor.
A large, warm hand gently and tenderly cupped Ai’s hot cheek, wet with tears and bowed low.
"…Ai."
"Hic, hhhk— hic. Hic— Ka, Kaoru… Kaoru…"
"Ai, sorry I’m late."
"Hic— uuu— Ka, Kaoru— sniff— hic— I, I can’t— the crying— the tears— I, hic— can’t stop… hic— it hurts— it hurts so much here— my chest hurts so— my heart— it hurts so, so muchhh… so— ugh— hic! Hhhk—"
"Yeah. Ai, it’s okay. I’ll keep patting you until you stop crying. I’ll stay with you until you’re okay— so relax. Slowly— hoo—"
Without caring about the staff’s stares.
Just like a married couple embracing at home.
Seated on the floor, Kaoru wrapped Ai tightly in both arms and gently patted his wife’s back so she could stop crying and collect herself, helping her breathe deeply.
"Sniff— hoo— hic— hoo—"
"Hoo. You’re doing well. It’s okay. Ai. It’s okay. I’ll keep holding you."
"Hoo— haa— sniff— hic— sniff— hic—"
Kaoru rubbed and patted the back of his wife, who had nearly reached the point of exhaustion, and nodded toward Director Gotanda to signal that she was fine.
Only then could Director Gotanda, who had gone pale and been worrying intensely, finally put down his shock and let out a relieved breath.
And so Ai, who finished the final scheduled shoot in her husband’s arms—
"Sniff— phew— thank you for your hard work, Director—★"
Her eyes still red and swollen from crying, but once again sparkling with starlight—
She bowed politely to Director Gotanda while thanking him in a voice stuffed with a runny nose.
And Director Gotanda, feeling a little complicated about the fact that today’s ending had once again been the same sweet, nauseatingly lovey-dovey display from the married couple, let out a snort and said,
"What hard work? You did everything. Good work. Don’t push yourself and get some rest. Your throat probably took quite a beating too. Make sure your wife has some warm honey water so she doesn’t strain her throat."
"Yes. Thank you for your hard work today, Director."
"Yeah. Head home."
Leaving Director Gotanda behind to wrap up the set and review the footage shot today—
"Huu…"
Ai got into the passenger seat and let out a low breath as she entrusted herself to the car Kaoru was driving.
Sensing his wife’s tired exhale, Kaoru smoothly merged onto the four-lane road and said in a quiet voice,
"Once we get home, I think you should take a bath and rest right away. All the scenes we shot today were high-difficulty ones. You worked hard."
"Mm… but I still have to make the omurice, don’t I?"
"Leave that to me. The kids are all insisting on helping too, so we won’t be short-handed."
"Hehe… I guess so~ Still— I want to make the sauce myself."
"I can’t stop your stubbornness."
Ai watched her husband smile and turn the wheel to make a U-turn, filling her starlit eyes with him, and gradually felt a drowsy sleepiness creeping in.
Today had been, in many ways, a day full of surprising and new experiences she would never forget in Ai’s life.
She was sorry and a little lonely about the last time with Kana, but the warmth of their promise to meet again was still vivid.
And she wanted to film the scenes of [Aizawa Honoka] and [Matsukura Hiroki] as they soothed and healed each other’s wounds and pain as soon as possible—
Ai’s heart pounded pleasantly with excitement.
"Hey. Kaoru."
"Hm?"
"I…. had forgotten for a moment that I’d already received so many incredibly precious things in the past."
While acting out Honoka’s tearful past, even the fear of [lack] and [loss] that she had not been able to face until now—
made her feel certain that, if she were with the person she loved, no matter how hard things got or how much she wanted to collapse, she would eventually be able to heal.
Because already, [Hoshino Ai]’s world was filled with precious beings.
No matter what trial came, she could still live on with hope and courage.
Because [you] are always by my side.
"…?"
At Kaoru’s questioning gaze, Ai let a sleepy starlit smile bloom at her lips.
"Hehe. I love you. And…… thank you for always being by my side."
"……."
Without saying a word.
At her husband’s silent expression, as he quietly lifted his left hand and laid it over the back of her hand,
Ai felt an indescribable fullness of happiness welling up from deep in her chest, and entrusted herself for a moment to the approaching sleep.
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