Splat!
Blood sprayed from my head, splattering across the faces of both spirits.
“Ah... aah... We... we killed a person—huh?”
“Question. Ash?”
The blood that had splashed onto the two spirits’ faces suddenly turned to ash and drifted back toward my head.
“Who said I died? I’m perfectly fine.”
“Y-you! How?!”
“Surprise. We definitely saw you die, but you came back to life.”
“I’m telling you, I didn’t die.”
Perhaps because I’d taken another direct hit to the head, I felt a bit dizzy.
Still, calming those two down was the priority, so I suppressed the nausea and kept talking.
“Because of your little fight, I’m the one getting dragged into the mess, aren’t I? If you’re going to brawl, do it somewhere else.”
“Hmph! You interfered in our sacred duel!”
“Ah, yes. Sure, let’s go with that—”
Before I could even finish the sentence, the dizziness overwhelmed me, and I pitched forward.
“My lord!”
Fortunately, the Fire Keeper rushed over and caught me.
Thanks to her, I managed to avoid kissing the floor.
With her support, I managed to stand back up and chugged an Estus Flask.
“Whew. I’m back. Thank you.”
“Ah, it was nothing...”
Once I’d recovered, I turned back to the two spirits.
“Anyway, could you stop fighting here?”
“Hmph. It’s your fault for interfering in our sacred duel. Why did you do it? Depending on your answer, my... my... what was it again?”
“Do you mean the Sturm Lance?”
“Right! My Sturm Lance will pierce you!”
“Pointing out. You just heard the name of the thing that’s going to pierce you.”
“So what! Yuzuru, be quiet!”
“Question. There is no reason for Yuzuru to be quiet.”
The two spirits ignored me entirely and resumed their bickering.
Rustle!
“Mm. Tastes good.”
Having escaped the spirits' attention, I made my way over to where Shido was. I set up a folding chair and started munching on popcorn while watching the argument unfold.
“My lord, could I have some too...?”
The Fire Keeper sat down beside me and joined in, watching the spirits while snacking on popcorn.
“Tch! Yuzuru knows nothing!”
“Denial. At least I know more than Kaguya, who hears a skill name from her opponent and then has to be reminded of it.”
Ooh, Kaguya is losing this exchange.
“Um, Hieta...?”
“Munch, munch... Yes? What is it?”
“Where did you get all that from?”
“Ah, this?”
The popcorn and the chair had come from my inventory.
I’d tested it once before and discovered I could store items that didn’t exist in Dark Souls as well. The only catch was that they had to be only slightly larger than my own body.
After confirming that, I’d stored the popcorn and the chair. The popcorn went into the consumables section, but for some reason, the chair was categorized as a weapon.
I figured it was probably because I could hold it and swing it around.
Well, if bricks get classified as hammers, that explains it.
For the record, the chair is an axe.
“Hieta! Give me some too!”
“Can I have some as well?”
Tohka and Rinne each received their own popcorn and a chair, and they too began watching from the sidelines.
“T-then, could I have one too...?”
Once Shido saw the others join in, he must have felt awkward being the only one standing. He turned down the popcorn but took a chair.
“You guys! Why are all of you just sitting there eating popcorn and watching?!”
“Question. What does it taste like?”
“Yuzuru! That’s not the important part!”
“Ah, this? It’s just regular popcorn.”
“Question. Could I have some too?”
“Here you go.”
“Stop ignoring me!!!”
Kaguya finally reached her limit and exploded.
“Noise. You’re being loud, Kaguya.”
“No! How does it make any sense for the person who interfered in our duel to be handing out popcorn?!”
“Question. Why wouldn’t it make sense?”
“Because, because...!”
Kaguya was left speechless. Seeing this, Yuzuru calmly ate the popcorn I’d given her, seemingly waiting for Kaguya to come up with a coherent argument.
“Anyway!”
Ah. She’s changing the subject.
“You there!”
“Me, perhaps~?”
“Yes! Who do you think you are, interfering in our duel!”
“My name is Hieta. I’m a student~”
“Pffft!”
Shido let out a laugh at my introduction.
I had a feeling he was imagining a detective whose body had shrunk but whose brain remained the same.
“That’s not what we asked!”
“Huh? It wasn’t?”
“Seriously...!”
“Concern. Kaguya, if you get too angry, your skin will suffer.”
“Yuzuru, why are you siding with them?!”
“Naturally. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
“Aaaagh!!!”
Kaguya scratched at her hair furiously, venting her frustration.
I grabbed her wrist and said, “Oh, come on. I’m the one at fault, so just calm down. You’ll ruin that pretty hair of yours.”
At those words, Kaguya suddenly froze. Behind her, strange comments began flying back and forth.
“Shido. Does Hieta always act like this?”
“Pretty much?”
“What does ‘like this’ mean?”
“...Does that mean I’m not to my lord’s taste?”
“Surprise. Kaguya has stopped functioning.”
I ignored the weird chatter, let go of Kaguya’s wrist, and returned to my seat.
“Ahem! Yuzuru, I’ve had a brilliant idea.”
Having regained her composure, Kaguya spoke to Yuzuru.
“Question. What is it?”
“We’ve already competed in all sorts of things. So many, in fact, that I wonder if there’s anything left we haven’t tried.”
Kaguya raised her index finger and continued.
“However, there is one thing we have yet to settle.”
“Question. And that is?”
As she spoke, Kaguya cast a meaningful gaze toward me.
Why am I suddenly getting such a bad feeling about this?
******
As it turned out, my instincts were correct. The source of that bad feeling was this:
“Well, Hieta? I’m more charming than Yuzuru, aren’t I?”
“Seduction. Please choose Yuzuru.”
Their new competition was to seduce me.
We were already late and the entire class was waiting for us, yet they were clinging to me and playing this game. I was on the verge of losing my mind.
“Hieta-kun, weren’t you and Sachi-san, you know, in that kind of relationship?”
“What are those two doing? Cheating?”
“Poor Sachi-san...”
Hearing the girls comment on the scene, I could feel my reputation plunging straight into the abyss.
At my side were the two spirits, pressed up against me in their high school uniforms. Behind me was the Fire Keeper, looking dejected. In front of me were the students, staring at me as if I were trash.
This unholy trinity was shaving away my sanity in real time.
Eventually, after joining the rest of the class, we followed Murasame-san’s guidance and entered a room.
“...And that’s what happened. Okamine-sensei, please take care of the other students.”
Kaguya and Yuzuru were introduced as transfer students who had joined us under special circumstances.
“Please, please just get away from me...”
I covered my face with both hands, feeling my cheeks burn.
But the two of them didn’t seem to hear me at all. They stayed glued to me, constantly touching my arms and shoulders.
I even tried handing them off to Shido in the middle of it.
“How about Itsuka-kun instead of me?”
“Hmm~? Hieta. What do you mean by that~?”
“N-nothing.”
Once I saw the light leave Rinne’s eyes, I gave up immediately.
How scary do you have to be for me to switch from casual speech to honorifics in an instant?
So here I was, suffering alone in my humiliation.
Since I’d failed to pass them off to Shido, there was no other option. The only people here with the power to seal spirits were Shido and me, which left me as the primary target.
“Ah, haha... Guys, could you maybe step back a little?”
“Since we are currently engaged in a fair and proper contest, there is no reason to step away.”
“Agreement. Kaguya is right.”
Shido tried to persuade them, but he failed outright.
However, he didn’t give up.
“But Hieta looks like he’s in trouble right now, doesn’t he? What if he loses the seduction contest because he's too stressed?”
“Th-that’s!”
“Concern. I hadn’t considered that.”
At his words, the two of them finally stepped away from me. I silently thanked Shido and gave him a covert thumbs-up.
If they’d stayed much longer, I might have died of embarrassment on the spot.
“Ah...”
The Fire Keeper, who had been inching closer to me, stopped with a disappointed look.
And you too? What is wrong with everyone today?
“Now then, Hieta. All you have to do is choose me. Swear loyalty to me, Yamai Kaguya, and offer up your body.”
“Denial. Even if you choose Kaguya, there is nothing to be gained. Please, cast your vote for Yuzuru.”
“Please just stop!!!”
Just when I thought things had calmed down, the seduction hell reignited, and I was utterly broken.
“Fine. I’ll just close my eyes. Then everything will be easier.”
But if anything, it only became more uncomfortable. It didn’t get easier at all.
Closing my eyes only made me more aware of when they started groping me.
“Hieta’s weak to this kind of thing, huh?”
“Yep. Last time, he even fainted at the swimsuit store.”
“Please don’t bring that up!!!”
Shido was freely airing my darkest history, which only made me more miserable.
“Come now, Hieta! Choose me already!”
“Selection. Please choose me instead of Kaguya.”
“Do this kind of thing to Shido, who actually dreams of being a harem master, instead of me!!!!”
“Why is my dream to be a harem master?!!!”
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