Hmm... am I really seeing this right now? What kind of absolute chaos is this?
“Aaaah!!!”
The screams of the AST members rang out as their hands and feet were bound.
“Noodles?”
They were tied up with noodles. I had only been told that I was being sent here after visiting [Fraxinus], and nothing else. So why were AST soldiers in front of me, screaming while their entire bodies were restrained by ramen noodles?
“That’s none of my business!!!”
“Gyaaah!!! It’s the [Knight]!!!”
Hey now, why are you freaking out just because someone showed up? You're hurting the feelings of the person who actually bothered to come.
“Heh heh, this... this is a truly hilarious situation, isn't it~?”
“This is your doing, isn’t it! You shameless bastard!!!”
“Oh, sorry, I’m just not interested in older women.”
As a vein popped on the commander’s forehead, the AST members began shouting.
“Don’t you dare talk to our commander like that!!! She may be a little older, but she’s not old enough to be called an auntie!!!”
“How dare you call our commander an auntie, you bastard!!! Sure, she’s got a few wrinkles, but not enough to be called an auntie!!!”
“Guhk!”
The damage from their words was far worse than anything I had said. No, seriously, whose side are these people on?
“Whose side are you guys on?!”
“Obviously the commander’s side!”
“Of course we’re on the commander’s side!”
So this is one of those “you can insult me, but nobody else can” situations?
“I mean, it’s a little awkward for me to say this, but... are you guys actually allies?”
“...”
Even the commander seemed to doubt it, as she remained silent. Then, the AST members started cheering her on.
“Commander! Don’t listen to that guy! We’re always on your side!”
“That’s right! Ignore trash like him! He’s clearly trying to stir up internal conflict!”
“You guys...”
The commander looked moved, her eyes starting to glisten. I couldn’t make sense of it at all. Just a second ago they were happily mocking her, and now they weren't. What the hell were these people? Was this really the AST?
Anyway, I pushed the weird thoughts aside and focused on the enemies in front of me. Since the commander had cut all the noodles apart, they were all free from their restraints. And they had their guns pointed right at me.
Wait. Guns?
“All units, attack!!!”
At the commander’s order, a rain of bullets poured down on me. I quickly pulled a random greatshield from my inventory and dove behind it.
“Guard quickly!”
“Too late!”
Roll.
I heard something rolling and checked what it was. It was a grenade, right behind me.
Boom!
“Ha! What do you mean, ‘guard quickly’! You failed!”
The commander thought I had failed to guard. Well, she wasn’t wrong. With bullets flying from the front and a grenade exploding behind me, what was I supposed to do? Just explode, obviously. But the commander had overlooked two things: I don’t die, and my revival time is surprisingly fast.
“But I was fast, right!”
“What the—!”
“Miracle: Lightning Arrow!”
The moment I revived, I grabbed my talisman and fired a [Lightning Arrow] at the AST squad. Soon after, one of the members hit by the arrow groaned and collapsed unconscious.
“Commander! It’s that electric attack from last time!”
“Damn it! All units, deploy your territory!”
The AST members began deploying their barriers. So that was what it was called—territory. I etched that piece of information into my memory and gave them another present.
“Lumos Maxima!”
“As if we’d let you!”
As expected, I approached one of the AST members who had closed her eyes and whispered in her ear.
“Come to me.”
“W-what...?”
The AST member couldn’t finish her sentence. A moment later, she staggered for a second, then started firing wildly at her own comrades.
“Gah! What are you doing! We’re on the same side!”
“Commander! That girl’s gone crazy!!!”
“[Knight]!!! What did you do this time!!!”
What I used was [Charm]. It’s the most broken pyromancy there is, at least against humanoid enemies. True to its name, it charms them and forcibly turns them into allies.
“What did I do, you ask... I’d say I simply stirred up the desires in her heart.”
In any case, there was no need to explain the truth, so I said that with a sly grin. I didn’t know how they interpreted my words, but judging by the faces of those who heard me, they must have imagined something quite perverse.
“Unforgivable!”
Eventually, one AST member couldn’t take it anymore and charged at me. And, as expected, she was hit by my charm and became an ally too.
“Hahahaha!!! Kill each other from here on out!!!”
***
Chaos. Was there any other word that could describe the current situation? Kotori, watching from [Fraxinus], certainly thought so.
“I’m glad we didn’t make that guy our enemy...”
From what she could see on the screen, Hieta had briefly emitted light before approaching one of the AST members. When he brought his hand to her face, a pink light flashed, and the AST member began attacking her own squadmates. He did the same to every AST member who rushed him, and before long, half of the unit had sided with Hieta and started a civil war.
“Commander! [Hermit] has started rampaging!”
“What?!”
Then came a thunderbolt of a report. Yoshino had apparently started rampaging. To find out why, Kotori rewound the footage and saw that the doll that should have been in Yoshino’s left hand was missing.
“What the... Hurry and tell Hieta! Tell him Yoshino’s rampaging!”
“Roger!”
***
While I was in the middle of using [Charm] on the AST members, my phone rang.
“Commander?”
“Hey! Yoshino’s rampaging right now!”
“What?!”
The sudden call informed me that Yoshino had lost control. The reason was that Yoshinon had disappeared. I told her I’d look for her as best I could and hung up, just as the floor beneath me started freezing over.
“What the...?”
For a moment I was flustered by the freezing ground, but then I realized this was the result of Yoshino’s rampage and quickly searched my surroundings.
“She’s not here either!”
But no matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t find Yoshinon. Letting out an inward sigh, I decided this was my last chance and ran around again, searching for the puppet.
““Found her!””
“Huh? Hieta?”
“Huh? Itsuka-kun?”
Luckily, I found Yoshinon, but I also ran into Itsuka-kun. When I asked what was going on, he said he was looking for Yoshinon too.
“Ah, what a coincidence.”
“Hieta, don’t tell me the 'urgent business' you had was coming here?”
Itsuka-kun looked around as he spoke. I answered while breaking out in a cold sweat.
“Well, not exactly... It’s more like I somehow ended up making the surroundings look like this...”
Itsuka-kun narrowed his eyes and stared at me. Just as I was about to pile on more excuses, the sky began to darken.
“Huh?”
“What’s that?”
We both looked up at the darkening sky, and from above descended a B.F.P.—a Big Fucking Pumpkin. It was a ridiculously huge pumpkin. The moment it hit the ground, it caused an enormous explosion.
“Oh, shit! Itsuka-kun!”
I quickly jammed Havel's Greatshield into the ground and dragged Itsuka-kun behind it. But instead of the blast reaching us, only a girl’s voice echoed through the air.
“Is everyone all right?!”
“Tohka?”
When I stepped out from behind the shield and looked around, Tohka was standing there with her angel manifested, deploying a barrier.
“Mm! It seems everyone is safe!”
With Tohka’s words, light flashed, and everyone vanished from the spot.
As for the hot springs, we did eventually go, but Yoshinon’s head popped off at the worst possible time, causing Yoshino to rampage again. Because of that, the hot spring froze over, and we nearly had to give up on the trip. Fortunately, the commander had ordered Kannazuki to dig into the ground, and a new hot spring burst forth, allowing us to enjoy it after all.
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