What even was this?
"Come on, let’s eat!"
"No, you want us to eat this?"
Tohka smiled brightly and suggested we eat the bizarre thing in front of us.
"Papa! Look! The food is alive."
"Rio. Don’t look at that."
Just how horrifying did it look for Itsuka-kun to cover Rio’s eyes like that?
"What on earth did you make...?"
"A strange question. It’s hot pot."
For starters, it looked nothing like any hot pot I knew.
[Grrr....]
"Just in case, did Sachi help make this too?"
"Yes!"
"I see."
Now I understood why this hot pot had eyes, a mouth, and was making noises.
Still, was this even edible?
"What’s this? A cone?"
To my utter shock, there was an ice cream cone stuck in the thing called hot pot.
Had the meaning of hot pot changed a lot lately?
Or was hot pot in this world just different from the hot pot I knew?
"Hieta. Just in case you were wondering, we don’t call that hot pot over here either."
"...Right?"
So this world didn’t call that hot pot either.
That wasn’t hot pot. It was something between a monster and a golem.
Honestly, I think I’ve got real talent for Fire Keeper alchemy.
I mean, she’s creating life out of food.
The Elric brothers should’ve called for a Fire Keeper when they tried human transmutation.
Then they definitely would’ve succeeded.
"Guest? Why are you just standing there? Hurry up and try it."
"Hoo...."
At the Fire Keeper’s words, telling me to eat that horrifying thing, I took a deep breath and said quietly,
"Everyone, if I die, please mourn me."
"No, it’s not like you’ll die from eating hot pot... well, actually, maybe. Yeah."
Even the commander couldn’t bring herself to object and just gave in.
And so, a poison-tasting session began in front of everyone. I scooped up a spoonful of whatever this hot pot was supposed to be and put it in my mouth.
"......"
"...Hieta? How is it?"
"......"
"Hieta...?"
"Surprisingly, it’s normal...?"
"What!?"
The commander was shocked, but it really was surprisingly ordinary.
I had no idea what ingredients were in it, but this was less alchemy and more in the realm of creation.
"I-it tastes good?"
"It tastes normal."
[Grrr....]
"Ehehe! The food is talking!"
"Rio really has a strong stomach...."
The thing called hot pot talking was a little weird, but it was still edible, so we served ourselves small portions and ate.
"Well then, let’s eat...."
"Mama! What about me?"
"Rio can’t eat that."
Of course, we decided to give Rio something else just in case.
"Oh! It’s that big sister from before!"
When Rio turned on the TV, Miku was on screen, singing and dancing.
How was Miku’s performance airing at this exact moment?
While I was marveling at the timing, the living room door of the spirit mansion suddenly flew open.
"Darling~!"
"Miku?"
"Yes! The spirit idol, Izayoi Miku, has arrived!"
At Miku’s sudden appearance, I looked back and forth between her and the TV.
The TV should be broadcasting live right now, but Miku was standing right in front of me?
Did she know clone jutsu too?
"How are you here?"
"Obviously, what’s on TV is a prerecorded show pretending to be live."
Ah, so that’s how it works.
As I nodded, having learned something new, Miku naturally walked over to us.
"More importantly, what’s going on? Are you all gathered for a party or something?"
"Ah, well, this is..."
"Ah! Come to think of it, it feels like it might be my birthday today! A present can just be your hot kisses, you know?"
With that, Miku puckered her lips and kept getting closer.
At her behavior, the commander and Yoshino immediately fled to a safe distance, Yuzuru hid behind Kaguya as a shield, and Rio was picked up by Rinne and carried back.
"Could you stop that, Miku! Get back inside the TV already!"
Even Tohka, the only one who wasn’t afraid of Miku, shouted at her, but Miku’s advance did not stop.
In the end, I had no choice but to step in.
"Haa...."
I really didn’t want to use this, of all things.
I quietly took a stance and muttered,
"Practical martial arts――Commander-style original, [Palm-Edge Strike]!"
Thwack!
A dull sound rang out as Miku was knocked out by a blow to the back of the neck.
"Phew.... Neutralized."
"It’s fine that you neutralized her, but what was that line?"
The commander raised one eyebrow, apparently displeased with what I’d said when I used the palm-edge strike.
I just shrugged at her.
"What, isn’t it cool?"
"Cool? Seriously? Are you going through a chuunibyou phase or something? At your age? Should I get you counseling?"
Since she’d found a chance to roast me to her heart’s content, I decided to drag someone else into it with the mindset that if I had to suffer, I wouldn’t suffer alone.
"Hey, hey, Commander. You can’t say that when Itsuka-kun is no slouch either."
"What! What are you talking about, Hieta!"
That someone was Itsuka-kun.
He’d probably object, but did I care?
From the perspective of someone who had seen Itsuka-kun’s shameful side, I was only exposing a little of it.
"Secret art――"
"Stop! Stooop!"
In the end, I only got out the first two syllables before the rest were swallowed up, blocked by Itsuka-kun before they could enter the world.
"What a shame."
"Not one bit!"
"Why so upset? Any ordinary teenage boy should have at least one dark past like that."
Wouldn’t a normal teenage boy, at least once, think he was special and try out various techniques and the like?
But I wasn’t an ordinary boy.
So I looked at Itsuka-kun with a full measure of mockery.
"Of course, I’m from another world, so I don’t have any such records."
"Ghh...!"
"What are you two doing? Eat already."
At the commander’s exasperated voice, we stopped our conversation and went back to eating the hot pot.
"By the way, wasn’t this Kotori’s idea first?"
"I can’t be the only one who dies."
"......"
At Itsuka-kun’s murderous glare, I just shrugged.
What can you do by staring like that?
What can you do!
"Rio. Tell your uncle you hate him, just once."
"Mm? Rio doesn’t hate Uncle."
"Just once is enough."
"Mm.... Okay! I hate you, Uncle!"
"Guhk!"
I took a huge hit from that dirty, underhanded attack using a child.
"What are you making a kid say!"
"Kheh!"
That one suffered physical damage.
"You all sure are having fun."
This time, it wasn’t the commander’s voice, but Mayuri’s.
******
After the little incident passed, we decided to eat with Miku too.
Miku sat beside me and received her hot pot, and I told her why we’d ended up making it.
"The others said they wanted to treat us, so we ended up making hot pot."
"I see, so that’s why everyone was eating hot pot together~?"
"I’m not even sure I’d call this hot pot, though...."
[Grrr....]
Even looking at it again, its terrifying appearance made me flinch.
"Here, take it. Be careful, it’s hot."
Still, I had to hand it over, so I passed the hot pot to Miku.
"The color is unique."
"That’s all you have to say...?"
She could only look at this and say the color was unique.
I started to think Miku’s senses were strange too.
"Then, let’s eat~"
Miku took one bite of the hot pot, then suddenly frowned.
"Ah, it’s hot...!"
"Are you okay!?"
I’d only just told her to be careful because it was hot, and she’d already burned her mouth.
I brought her some cold water and asked if she was all right, but the answer I got was ridiculous.
"Darling, I burned my lips."
"Then here, cold water—"
"You’ll have to kiss it better for it to heal~"
"...Pardon?"
I was speechless at Miku’s calm act of pretending to be hurt just to demand a kiss.
So this is what it takes to be an idol? You have to be good at acting?
Just as I was thinking that, Yuzuru set her bowl down and raised her hand high.
"Pain. Hi. Yuzuru has also suffered a burn on her lips. Treatment is required."
"Hey, that’s cheating! Ah, it’s hot!"
And so began the sudden lip-burn parade.
I pushed Miku’s face away with one hand and let out a sigh.
"Haa...."
Then I equipped a talisman from my inventory and cast a miracle.
"Miracle――[Sunlight’s Blessing]"
Orange light spread through the area, healing the wounds.
"That settles it, so everyone please eat already."
Before the situation could get any weirder, I cut it off and calmly went back to eating the hot pot.
If I let even one person play along here, I’d have to put up with everyone else’s nonsense too.
"What a shame. If only you didn’t have that ability, darling, I would’ve healed everyone who got hurt with my kisses."
Seeing that Miku was genuinely disappointed, I decided it was a good thing I’d stopped things at a reasonable point.
Judging by everyone else’s expressions, they all seemed to be thinking the same thing.
"Th-thank goodness."
"Agreed. If it had gone any further, we’d have been in trouble."
The two who had also claimed to have burned their lips after Miku finally relaxed and picked up their bowls.
And then, along with their actions, the spacequake alarm went off.
"...And I haven’t even finished eating."
Looks like I had work to do.
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