──There's a guy who hunts demons in a recklessly bold way, even though he's not a Corps member.
It was a day not long after I heard such rumors.
"That guy became my disciple."
Lord Masachika delivered that shocking news. Having been envious of Makomo, who had a disciple, he was genuinely happy to have his own, but he was frowning as if somewhat troubled.
"I don't know the circumstances, but his personality is so prickly. He relies on Rare Blood and fights covered in blood, making it dangerously precarious."
"Huh, Rare Blood, you say."
"Yes, it's a top-grade Rare Blood that intoxicates demons. He's too accustomed to bleeding himself, so I wish Master would properly retrain his body and mind."
Lord Masachika's master was a former Wind Hashira. He lost an eye and retired from the Hashira position, but he's a man with skills enough to push active Hashira.
With an appearance so intense you'd want to run away at first sight, and a personality even more intense, I wondered if Lord Masachika's disciple could safely endure that training.
Well, he's a kid who slays demons without even a Nichirin Blade, so he might have that much guts.
"Once he joins the Corps, I'll introduce him to you, Kōgetsu. Please take care of him."
"Sure."
Looking back, I should have asked for the boy's name then.
＊
Mom died.
Her body, turned into a demon, burned away in the morning sunlight without a single piece left.
Big brother disappeared.
Because he heard such harsh words from the little brother he protected with his own body.
It's already been nearly a year since that nightmare-like dawn to today.
"Hisa, I've brought the items you asked for."
"Thank you. You're really strong, Genya."
"It's nothing. This much..."
──Big brother would have done it easily.
As I bit my lip to stop myself from saying that, the sound of chopping firewood came from the backyard. Surely, it was the sound of my little brother swinging an axe. The familiar, rhythmic, pleasant sound echoed one after another.
Our surviving family was under the protection of an organization called the Demon Slayer Corps, and now we were indebted to this Wisteria-crest house. Six of us, including me. The landlord, Hisa, kindly took in so many children.
Hisa, who managed this large estate alone, asked us to help with housework in exchange for staying, but there's a limit to what children can do. Knowing it was an excuse to care for us, it made me even more embarrassed.
"...Is there anything else I can help with?"
"Then, could you take this to Lord Kōgetsu?"
Before I could answer, on the offered tray were two manju and two teacups. One for Lord Kōgetsu, who is staying in this house, and the other for me.
There's no need to include me, but refusing would be useless. Hisa is a gentle and kind grandmother, but contrary to appearances, she's stubborn.
"Lord Kōgetsu, excuse me."
"Ah, you brought tea? Thank you."
"Then I'll take my leave. Please rest well."
"Wait a moment. Can't you see these two teacups?! Come, sit, sit."
Forcing me to sit like that, Lord Kōgetsu is also a kind person.
His face and voice are not similar at all, but whenever I talk with him, I always think of big brother. So it's a bit painful. Sometimes I want to cry when I overlay the image of big brother I haven't found yet.
"About your brother, I'm sorry. I haven't found him yet."
"Lord Kōgetsu is a Hashira, right? You must be busy, so you don't have to overdo it."
If I had survived alone, I wouldn't have been able to say such mature words. I might have erupted in anger, asking why he hasn't found him, screaming that he's useless.
The reason I could stand up again after losing mom and brother and falling into despair was because all the little brothers I thought were dead had survived.
Shūya, who was the next most deeply wounded after me, was critical, but thanks to Lord Kōgetsu, he survived. Now he has recovered enough to healthily mop the corridors.
However, my little brothers also have the same scars on their bodies as on my face. Those claw marks that tore the skin will not disappear even when we grow up.
Explaining that, Lord Kōgetsu apologized to us, and especially apologized multiple times to Teiko and Sumi. But the two sisters didn't mind at all.
──Don't apologize. It's okay, it's okay even if they remain.
Surprisingly, it wasn't the eldest daughter, Teiko, who said that, but Sumi, who is usually only timid. With a face just like mom's, she shed tears drop by drop and continued.
──Mom always stroked us when she came home. So this is proof that mom stroked us, not a scar.
My little sister, covering the scar on her neck with her small palm as if it's precious. I also remember Lord Kōgetsu's figure, shedding quiet tears as if his heart was overwhelmed seeing Sumi like that.
──Even as a demon, mom is still mom. Mom just came home. She did nothing wrong. So you don't apologize either.
We don't know what feelings mom, who had turned into a demon, had when she knocked on the door that night. But as Sumi said, mom might have really just come back. After becoming a demon, she might have instinctively headed to our house, thinking of our family.
Because mom sincerely loved us.
Instead of nodding at my weeping little sister's words, our whole family hugged Sumi together.
Even though I sometimes feel like screaming from the loss of not having big brother, the reason I can endure without going mad from loneliness is probably thanks to my little brothers.
Even though the brother everyone respected disappeared because of me, my little brothers didn't blame me a single word. Rather, they told me not to blame myself.
So all the more, I hate myself for slandering big brother in that delirium. My fingers holding the teacup naturally tensed.
Did the irritation rising in my chest show on my face? Lord Kōgetsu sent a worried look. Oh no, I made him worry again. I hurriedly put on a bright expression.
"Once I calm down a bit more, I'll search for him myself, so you don't have to worry too much."
"Even so, once you've stepped in, it's hard to turn a blind eye and withdraw."
Because I screamed "big brother disappeared," Lord Kōgetsu has been searching for brother whenever he has time.
"If there were more manpower... no, this is an excuse. Sorry."
"Ah, really! So I said it's okay! Rather, drink your tea quickly, it'll get cold!"
If he could mobilize the hundreds of Corps members, searching for brother would be much easier. But their mission is to slay demons. They have no time or energy to spare for searching for someone, which isn't even a mission.
So searching for brother is a situation where only Lord Kōgetsu and Murata, who was with him that day, are helping.
I was truly grateful to them for striving for us, strangers. Their kindness was warm enough to surpass the goodwill of hundreds.
"So I thought, how about distributing portraits? If you give me the original, I'll handle the rest somehow."
Following Lord Kōgetsu's suggestion after finishing the manju and even emptying the teacup, I gathered my little brothers to draw portraits.
But even though we had to gather opinions to complete one picture, arguments didn't cease, with "Big brother's eyes are bigger," "It's a kinder face," "He wasn't this ugly."
When Lord Kōgetsu, unable to stand us chattering like this, handed out one sheet of paper per person, I was so embarrassed my face burned.
"I finished drawing!"
"I finished too."
"Me too!"
Thus, six portraits were completed. But since no one was born with drawing skills, none were proper. More clumsy than children's doodles, they weren't suitable for use in searching for a person.
When we awkwardly held out the portraits, only Shūya was confident. The youngest doesn't seem to know shame yet, so I envy him.
When Lord Kōgetsu, comparing the portraits one by one, finally burst out laughing, we became even more embarrassed.
"Ah, this is... hehe."
"W-we can't help it if we can't draw! We've never even drawn before!!"
"No, no, that's not what I mean."
Narrowing his eyes and smiling, "Look," Lord Kōgetsu spread out the six portraits on the desk.
All the siblings looked at each other's drawings and simultaneously went "Ah."
"You all really love your brother, huh."
As Lord Kōgetsu said, the portraits of brother were all smiling brightly.
・
・
・
Lord Kōgetsu, carefully holding the clumsy portraits, left the Wisteria-crest house that night.
According to Hisa, Hashira are always busy. If that's true, he shouldn't even have time to show his face in such a place; he's such a diligent person.
Where is big brother now, what is he doing?
Is he eating properly? Is he sleeping comfortably at night?
Is he really alive?
──Actually, that night, I wanted to go search for big brother immediately. I wanted to apologize for the harsh words I spat out.
But now that big brother is gone, I can't abandon my little brothers. If I throw away the promise I made with big brother to support the family together, I'll surely be scolded by big brother.
Big brother might hate me now, but his feelings toward the other little brothers won't change. Then I must protect big brother's treasures in his place.
...Still, big brother. Even though I spat out harsh words, I know how selfish it is to say this, but let me say it. Let me shout it, even in my heart.
We promised to support the family together, the two of us.
But with me alone left, I feel like I've lost a leg. I'm so lonely and want to cry that I can't bear it.
I'm a bad little brother. It was probably big brother who wanted to cry. I'm the one who drove away the big brother who was supposed to stand with me.
"Genya brother, Hisa says to come in for a bath."
"Okay, I'll come now."
After answering Teiko like that, I turned my back to the entrance where I had seen off Lord Kōgetsu.
Suddenly, the wind blew. It seems like rain will pour late at night. The damp smell brushing my skin was just like my sniffling heart.
＊
Have you ever seen a dog desperately refusing to go for a walk?
The disciple that Lord Masachika brought was exactly like that.
"Hey, Kōgetsu! Here, this guy is the disciple I mentioned before!"
"Let go, you damn Kumeno bastard!!"
Grabbing the struggling disciple's scruff and forcibly dragging him over, Lord Masachika's mental strength must be made of orichalcum or something. More like a beast than a dog, that.
Raising one arm to greet Lord Masachika, I lightly returned the greeting while harboring such impressions in my heart.
"Now, pull yourself together. Kōgetsu is a Hashira. Moreover, the Moon Hashira, how about that!"
"What do I care, you idiot!! Why are you proud of that?!"
The disciple, screaming and struggling, had arms entirely bandaged, so my eyes went to those wounds before his face.
Now that I think about it, Lord Masachika said the disciple relies on Rare Blood in combat.
Then, "There's a Corps member with Rare Blood who always returns covered in wounds," Kanae said worriedly, it's probably this guy.
"Don't you feel energized when you have a friend who works hard? A friend who makes you feel that way, don't you have one?"
"I don't, that kind of thing!!"
"Really? Then why not become friends with Kōgetsu now? You're the same age, after all."
"Huh?! Why would that happen, you damn guy!!"
"Kōgetsu is not only strong but also kind, so he'll definitely be a good friend. Plus, he's shameless."
Lord Masachika, "shameless" isn't a compliment.
I wanted to say that, but in the midst of the disciple trying to bite and Lord Masachika calmly handling it, I had no chance to intervene.
Unable to do this or that, watching their argument, finally, the disciple broke free from Lord Masachika's hand. Perhaps having reached the peak of anger, he glared at Lord Masachika with a flushed face.
"I joined to kill all demons! I didn't come to play useless friend games!!"
Shouting with a passionate voice, he left with rough steps. He was so sharp it hurt to watch.
Is he worried about such a guy? Even though harshly rejected, Lord Masachika didn't yield and shouted at the receding back.
"Wait! Hey, Sanemi!"
Instantly, my breath stopped.
"Sanemi?"
When I asked back, Lord Masachika lowered his eyebrows as if sorry.
"Yeah, Sanemi. Shinazugawa Sanemi. Sorry, I wanted to have him introduce himself directly... huh, wait, Kōgetsu?!"
Seeing me suddenly run off, Lord Masachika was flustered, but I had no time to care.
Catching up to the disciple, that is, Shinazugawa, I roughly grabbed his shoulder. He looked back as if annoyed, and I urgently asked.
"Do you have a little brother named Genya?"
"...No."
It's a lie. I could intuitively tell. Because he hesitated.
I focused only on the bandages on his arms, but the more I looked, his facial features were so similar to Genya that I felt an undeniable bloodline.
"You do. Don't lie."
"Shut up. Why are you suddenly freaking out, you."
"Genya is looking for you."
"I don't know, that guy."
"Everyone wants to see you."
"What? Everyone?"
Seeing his expression with one eyebrow raised as if surprised, perhaps he doesn't know. Like Genya misunderstood, he might think all the little brothers at home are dead.
"Teiko, Sumi, Koto, Hiroshi, Shūya. Everyone."
"...I don't know, maybe."
A casual answer. But each time I called the names, his eyes gradually widened, and I didn't miss him slightly adjusting his breath.
"Stop pretending. You're Shinazugawa Sanemi, right? There can't be two of that name in the world. It's a very rare name."
Genya is crying wanting to apologize to big brother, and the other kids all miss big brother, so why is this guy stubbornly refusing to admit he's the brother?
Angry, rough words slipped out unintentionally, but Shinazugawa didn't waver at all.
"I have no family."
Rather, leaving only cold words, he tried to leave. I really couldn't understand why he showed such an attitude.
Did he close his heart because he killed his mother, not knowing she was a demon, and was accused of being a murderer by the little brother he protected with his body? Has he come to hate even Genya and the other little brothers, refusing to meet them?
──No, that can't be. Let's discard such unnecessary thoughts.
The image of big brother that Genya and the others drew was kind and strong, overflowing with love. The big brother they spoke of was by no means a beautified memory.
Then Shinazugawa Sanemi must be exactly the person as described by Genya and the others. Such a respected brother couldn't possibly hate his little brothers sincerely. There must be some circumstances.
"Wait! Wait, I said! Can you still say no after seeing this?!"
Shouting at his back that didn't turn around, I fumbled in my chest pocket. A few days ago, I had carefully folded and put the portraits Genya and the others gave me.
Just as I hurriedly took it out and unfolded it to thrust in front of Shinazugawa's eyes──
"Shut up!!"
Six sheets of paper scattering from the roughly brushed-off hand.
The smiles of big brother drawn by Teiko with a serious face, Sumi with clumsy handwriting, Koto struggling with her head, Hiroshi suffering with smudging ink, Shūya with blackened hands, and Genya as if praying, scattered on the ground like shot-down butterflies, futilely.
Seeing the scene as if the efforts of six were trampled, anger surged to the top of my head. But I couldn't swing the fist I unconsciously clenched.
Shinazugawa's gaze fell downward.
Not just looking once, his eyeballs moved, glancing around six times.
He quietly crouched down.
"...They drew it completely wrong."
Grumbling like that, his pupils are hidden by his hair.
Was it an illusion that the corner of his mouth seemed to loosen a bit?
"Where in this do you see me, huh?"
...It was an illusion.
Somehow, I almost wanted to believe it, but Shinazugawa's eyes as he stood up were still fierce.
The only reason I could barely see through his bluff was because he had the six portraits in his hand.
"Are your eyes rotten or something."
He still spat harsh words while roughly pushing the gathered papers against my chest. But he didn't step on or tear the portraits. Contrary to his rough behavior, his fingertips were gentle.
"Then I'm going. Don't talk to me again, you damn Hashira brat."
Maintaining a fierce attitude to the end, he walked away with violent steps. But his back, fluttering in the wind, seemed lonely, and it wasn't just my mood.
Brazenly declaring he has no family, yet Shinazugawa's back was exactly the image of big brother.
──Big brother is kind.
Shy Genya's words crossed my mind.
Then, is it because of that kindness that he has no choice but to choose solitude?
Even if I ask, he probably won't answer.
His back was no longer visible.
・
・
・
"Kōgetsu, were you acquainted with Sanemi?"
When Lord Masachika, who belatedly chased after, asked like that, I explained the circumstances. That Shinazugawa has little brothers. That they want to see big brother.
After hearing the whole story, Lord Masachika frowned.
"Why didn't you tell me you were looking for someone?"
Saying he would have helped if told, Lord Masachika got angry. Honestly, I regret it too. If I had said it earlier, I could have met Shinazugawa sooner.
"I hesitated whether to ask or not. I felt sorry for asking for help searching for someone, which isn't even a mission."
"Rely on me more. We're friends. Kōgetsu, I think that part of you is a bit problematic. That's why you're not popular!"
"The last part isn't necessary, right??"
"No, it is. Keep it in mind!"
The finger poking my cheek hurts. 120% my fault, so I won't resist, but I wish he'd stop pressing like a drill. It'll leave nail marks.
"But Sanemi is in a bind too. He's a kind guy, but too kind, so it's troublesome, I should say."
"...I want to let Shinazugawa meet his family. How should I do it?"
No matter how much I beg him to meet, even if I prostrate, that man won't listen. A brother's determination once set is that stubborn.
How can I break that wall? No answer came to mind at all.
Following me lost in thought, Lord Masachika also grunted with arms crossed. With just the two of us, it seems no good method will come to mind.
But after a while, as if blowing away my negatively sinking heart, Lord Masachika raised his voice and──
"Alright, it's a forceful breakthrough."
Said with a bright face.
"Meaning?"
"Let's call Makomo."
"Indeed, a knockout."
The power of collective intelligence?
No. What solves everything is not wisdom but, after all, violence.
In other words, Droplet Thrust.
＊
I dream. I dream the same dream repeatedly.
The past of that day with the setting sun, which I can no longer return to.
──Let's protect the family together, the two of us.
Pulling a cart, when I said that, Genya slightly opened his eyes wide. His pupils reflecting the sunset light resembled me. Resembling me means, in other words, resembling our father.
──Without father, everyone will be anxious.
It's a lie. I was the one who was anxious.
No, it's not that I'm sad that trash is dead.
I was afraid of the fact that I alone had to shoulder the place of the disappeared father.
──From now on, it's me and you protecting mom and the little brothers. Understand?
Actually, that role should have been borne by me alone, the eldest son. Even though he's the second, Genya is five years younger than me. If father had been a proper person, he would still be at an age to act spoiled.
To that little brother who should have been cared for, I, the big brother, abandoned.
To stand on the same side as me, the protecting side. To support me, who supports the family.
Genya, my first little brother, was a special existence who made me into a big brother. So with just Genya, I felt I could become strong as much as I wanted. I was confident I could overcome any suffering.
──Not from now on, but from now on too.
So when Genya answered like that, how relieved I was.
Glad that the little brother who willingly accepted my selfish wish was reliable, a smile naturally bloomed.
──My little brother, Genya was a kind child. Unlike his appearance resembling father, his personality might resemble mother. He probably wanted to act spoiled to mom too, but he endured and took care of the little brothers. He supported mom and me like that.
But, I broke the promise with that painfully kind little brother.
I killed the mom we swore to protect together. I destroyed what I wanted to protect with these hands.
The swung sword. Gushing blood. Screams.
That day I cut down mom, what I destroyed was the promise with Genya. The warm promise exchanged in the gentle sunset, I painted over coldly with the blood of the mom I should have protected.
The dream of the red sunset always greets dawn as a red nightmare.
Afraid of dawn, I fled into the night. Grabbing whatever weapon, I cut demons and hung them with iron chains to burn in the morning sunlight.
As if overwriting mom's death, as if diluting the fact that I killed mom, I killed numerous demons while wandering.
Why did it have to be mom?
Why did mom have to become a demon?
Why on earth do demons exist in this world?
Resenting the injustice of the world, making demons my enemies and killing them, I prayed to God.
Please don't let the remaining family get involved in unreasonable deaths.
Let them live happily in the world of daylight.
I'll kill the ugly demons. I'll eliminate them all.
──When I learned that not only Genya but others had survived, that prayer became an even stronger resolve. I vowed to protect their happiness even at the cost of my life.
So I must not meet them. No matter how much the little brothers miss big brother, that must absolutely not happen.
The human named Shinazugawa Sanemi died that day with mom. What remains here now is a ghost. Just an ugly deceased who devoted everything to demon hunting.
The kind big brother the little brothers drew no longer exists. I can no longer smile like that.
Can I hug them with hands soaked in blood?
Can I stand in the sunlight with feet that have stepped in puddles of blood?
Forget about me.
Be happy enough to forget.
Live with someone lovely enough to make you forget.
I won't let demons come there.
I'll protect your lives, big brother will.
Not to demons, not to God, not to anyone, my treasures won't be taken away now.
The resolve to run through the night, rejecting the call of family, was already made long ago.
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