"..."
I narrowed my eyes at the question from the child asking if I was okay... Park Dojun.
An orphanage...
The orphanage where I had lived in the past.
My hand, which I inspected roughly, was far smaller than the one I had been looking at just moments ago.
When exactly was this?
How long before that incident happened?
I looked around at the dark surroundings, then squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again.
"I asked if you were okay?"
"Keep your voice down."
"Oh."
Before we got chewed out by the director for no reason, I frowned and said a word to him.
Judging by how dark it was, it was probably bedtime.
Several children were tangled together in the cramped space, so it was likely close to dawn.
"..."
"What are you staring at?"
"...Yeah, what am I?"
Maybe it was because I was seeing someone I would never be able to see again.
I found myself staring blankly at him.
A boy handsome enough to be called pretty, and pretty enough to be called handsome.
If he had been born into an ordinary family, he would have become a celebrity—the kind of kid whose looks would set the internet ablaze.
A boy so beautiful it was genuinely heartbreaking.
Fuck...
Maybe lower elementary school? I couldn’t tell the exact period from his face alone.
He was so damn small that it was even harder to tell. Maybe I’d know if I saw my own reflection in a mirror.
"Hey."
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
"...What do you mean?"
"...Never mind."
I shook my head at the way he blinked at me.
He looked okay.
At least, for now.
...That’s what I thought back then, too.
There was no way anyone living in this hell was normal.
But as a child, I stupidly thought they were.
I was one of the people who lived relatively comfortably here.
So naturally, I ended up assuming everyone else did too.
"Han—"
"Dojun."
"Yeah?"
"Go to sleep."
"...Okay."
Snort.
He had been about to say something, but simply nodded instead. I let out a hollow laugh.
Too damn nice.
What had he been thinking? What resolve had he clung to as he endured this place?
How much time is left?
How long until Park Dojun left this world?
Why am I being shown this?
What was the purpose to begin with?
I didn’t believe the ridiculous notion that I had returned to the past.
My memories of the tower were far too clear for that to have happened.
If it had been another tower, maybe. But since I had entered the [Tower of Mindscape], it made more sense to assume that was why this was happening.
Huff... huff...
"..."
I watched Park Dojun fall asleep beside me almost immediately, then turned away.
The director was probably asleep too at this hour. Looking at all the children headed for dreamland except me, I quietly got up.
Creak—
"..."
I entered a toilet stall and checked the phone in my pocket.
Things like my steel sword and magic stones had all disappeared, but thankfully, I still had my phone.
I don’t know whether it’s an effect of the [Irregular] or what...
[Tower of Mindscape]
- 1st Run, 50th Floor Strategy: No strategy exists.
Clear Condition: Complete the scenario.
The strategy written on the wiki, however, was anything but reassuring.
No strategy exists.
More precisely, perhaps there was no need to devise one.
I wasn’t sure what completing the scenario meant, but it seemed like simply watching was enough.
Like it was only here to trigger my trauma, only to drive my mind into a corner.
Like it was here to make me relive memories of that horrible past, so I would be unable to climb the tower properly from here on out.
That was what it felt like it was telling me.
"Haa..."
I didn’t know what I could do in this space, but...
"This is just fucking awful."
How very grateful I was for being made to remember such filthy memories.
*
"Ha... fuck."
"...I think this is the first time I’ve seen you curse, Han Seol."
"I only didn’t because I’d get beaten to death if I did."
The afternoon after that terrible night, I spat out a heavy curse that didn’t suit a child my age.
Park Dojun and I were twelve years old now.
Older than I’d expected. We were so small that we didn’t look it.
"Then maybe I should try saying one in secret, too?"
"Don’t copy me. Once it becomes a habit, you can’t shake it."
"You talk like such an adult."
"...Was that an insult?"
I snorted at the sight of him shrugging.
Adults were no different from demons to us.
At least in this place.
"It’s tomorrow."
"...Yeah."
I gave a small nod at Park Dojun’s voice, lowered by a tone.
The monthly "social gathering."
A delightful day when we met the lofty politicians who supported our warm, loving orphanage, along with the investors who donated hundreds of millions of won to an orphanage in some remote place no one ever visited.
A day to gather with people we had so much to be thankful for.
"...Hey."
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
"What? I don’t know what you mean, but I’m okay."
"Is that so."
And the highlight of this social gathering was our orphanage’s lovely children offering their "thanks" to those adults.
In a room where they could give their thanks alone together.
...No, perhaps it wasn’t always just the two of them.
I had never experienced it myself, but there must have been cases like that.
"Han Seol, you’ll be with that person again, right?"
"...Probably."
I was always chosen by the same person.
The greatest big shot of them all, the one who invested the most money in the orphanage.
"...What’s that person like?"
"Did you forget that we’re not supposed to talk about that?"
"Ah... right?"
"..."
The people we offered our "thanks" to were decided on the day of the social gathering.
More accurately, those high and mighty people pointed out which one of us products they wanted.
There were hardly any children who caught one person’s eye like I did.
No, maybe it would be more accurate to say there were none at all.
Those eccentric customers investing exorbitant sums had no reason to keep making the same choice.
Though choosing only me meant she was a completely fucking insane bitch.
I had never imagined I would see that woman again.
It had only been a few years since I stopped seeing her in my dreams, yet ever since entering the tower, I had been getting tangled up with her in the foulest ways.
"Lucky you."
"..."
I fell silent at the words that slipped from Park Dojun’s mouth.
Back then, I didn’t think it was such a bad thing.
Maybe I thought a pretty older sister was better than old men who looked like pigs.
No... more accurately, it was probably because of that bitch’s personality rather than her gender or appearance.
That woman never crossed the final line.
She would only wait for me to "mature," or whatever the hell she called it, until I became the "finished product" she wanted.
Keeping me entirely at her side so no one else could touch me first.
After the social gathering, everyone else would be sitting there blankly with unfocused eyes or crying, while I was fine.
My childish mind was filled with the thought that it was better than ending up like them.
I was lucky I wasn’t like that.
Lucky I had met a good owner.
"Heh heh..."
"What’s wrong?"
"Because it’s fucking awful."
"...I guess the person who takes you has a foul mouth."
"I don’t know. I don’t think she ever cursed even once."
"Then why..."
Should I say I had learned how filthy society really was?
A twelve-year-old wouldn’t know, but I had lived more than twice that long and gone through countless fucking awful experiences.
You’ll understand when you join the military, too.
Though as an orphan with no family in the world, he would never have to.
Clap! Clap!
"Pay attention."
"..."
On the stage of the large banquet hall where the social gathering would take place, I looked up at the orphanage director as she clapped to draw everyone’s attention.
The pig I hated most.
The owner of this orphanage, so disgusting that merely looking at her made revulsion rise in me.
They said there were tens of billions of won in that bitch’s account, didn’t they?
I remembered seeing it on the news one day. Of course there would be, after she gobbled up all that money.
"You all know what tomorrow is, don’t you? And you know what happens if you cause trouble or make a mistake, don’t you?"
"..."
At the director’s words, everyone lowered their heads.
There were roughly twenty children.
Boys and girls alike, all between about ten and fifteen, avoided her gaze.
"You there, Park Dojun."
"Y-Yes...!"
"Why don’t you tell us what happens if you make a mistake?"
"..."
I closed my eyes and lowered my head at the sight of Park Dojun being singled out for no good reason.
"Y-You receive a severe punishment... and at the next social gathering, you have to give a... ‘performance’ in front of everyone..."
"That’s right. The people who support our orphanage enjoy performances, but they don’t like it when they’re forced too much, you see."
"...Tch."
I clicked my tongue softly at his trembling voice.
The severe punishment was, naturally, corporal punishment.
For a month, you got beaten half to death and barely received anything to eat.
After suffering through every kind of hardship for that month, you then had to perform alone at the next social gathering.
A performance too fucking vile to even put into words.
"There aren’t any new children, so there’s nothing to explain... The director believes all of you will help this social gathering go well too, right?"
"..."
"If you understand, hurry up and get ready—!!!"
Scramble.
At her fiery shout, the children rose from their places.
They decorated and cleaned the hall.
They set up tables and chairs, making one preparation after another.
And they made various preparations in the "story rooms" they would be sent into tomorrow evening.
"What are you doing, Han Seol? Come on, or you’ll get in trouble."
"...Yeah."
I got to my feet at the voice beside me.
...It’s even more fucking awful experiencing it after growing up.
The thought of personally preparing the rooms where they would cry and scream was so revolting and filthy that it defied expression.
*
"What is it? Why did you suddenly call me to the bathroom...?"
"Dojun."
"Y-Yeah..."
"Are you really okay?"
"...? Yeah, I’m okay."
Thirty minutes before the social gathering began.
During the final preparation time we had been given, I took Park Dojun and headed to the bathroom.
If my memory was correct, Park Dojun would break within the next few social gatherings.
He would be deeply traumatized, pretend to be fine in front of me, then leave this world by himself.
I didn’t know exactly when.
I only vaguely remembered that it happened around this age.
I’m not going to leave you like that.
I would save him somehow.
If this trauma thought it would break me and leave me bedridden, it was mistaken.
I wasn’t weak enough to collapse inside a pathetic illusion like this.
Because in reality, I had ended all of this with my own hands.
I had faced Behemoth and experienced death over and over. Something like this wouldn’t break me.
So somehow, this time, I would make sure he didn’t die.
"Hold on, Dojun."
"..."
"I’ll end it all. Every last bit of it."
"What are you suddenly talking about...?"
"Even if it’s hard, even if it’s fucking awful, filthy, revolting, and disgusting."
"..."
"Just live one more time."
I wanted him to endure just this one more time.
There hadn’t been enough time, so I couldn’t prepare anything this time.
So please.
Just this once.
I couldn’t suffer the pain he would suffer in his place.
And there was nothing I could do right now as a mere twelve-year-old child.
"Do you remember?"
"Remember what...?"
"You said your dream was to become a pilot."
"..."
"You said you wanted to get out of here, fly freely while piloting a plane."
"Seol..."
So endure just this once more.
I was sorry that, after you had already endured for years, this was all I could say to you...
"You asked me about my dream too, remember?"
"...You said you didn’t have one."
"Mine is to travel around the world on a plane you’re piloting."
"..."
"So live. If only for the sake of my dream."
I didn’t care if this was an illusion made by the tower or merely a fragment of my old memories.
"...Hey, am I dying or something?"
"..."
"Don’t worry. I’ll make your dream come true, Seol."
Snort.
"I told you not to call me Seol."
"Oh, right. Sorry."
I would save you somehow—my first and last friend.
*
"Whew..."
Standing before the tightly closed door, I squeezed my eyes shut.
I wanted to run. I had spoken so confidently to Park Dojun, boasting that I would save him, but my heart was pounding like crazy.
I never imagined I’d see this fucking bitch again.
"You there. What are you doing standing around instead of going in?"
"...I’m going in."
I dipped my head slightly at the orphanage director’s words from the end of the hall.
It was something I had to go through anyway.
Hadn’t I already gone through it countless times?
I couldn’t be afraid here, not if I wanted to save Park Dojun and the other children at the orphanage.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Come in, dear."
"...Excuse me."
I let out a hollow laugh at the disgustingly familiar voice from inside.
It felt like I hadn’t heard it in nearly ten years, yet I knew it was that bitch the instant I heard it.
Creak...
"Is our Seol here?"
"...Haha."
Grit.
Yeah... I’m here, you criminal bitch.
I gave a hollow laugh at the sight that met me as soon as I entered the room.
It was too familiar. Those eyes, that voice—every part of her was disgustingly familiar.
"It’s been a while since I’ve seen our Seol smile. Did something good happen?"
Of course. Thinking about killing you with my own hands again has my body trembling already. It feels so exhilarating I could lose my mind.
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