[Miracle Morning]
[Author: KingGodWiki]
The newbie's awake. What's the current topic?
[Comments]
Anonymous: More more more more more
Anonymous: Why not me? Why not me? Why not me? Why not me? Why not me?
Long-Eared Noble O, Elf X: Did you sleep well, newbie?! Thank you! Thank you so, so, so much!!!!!!!!!!
┗Anonymous: Fuck, I'm so goddamn jealous.
┗Anonymous: You got yours, so fuck off already. -_-
┗Anonymous: 1,600 years old.
┗Long-Eared Noble O, Elf X: Say whatever you want—the one who won the cola is me!
┗Anonymous: Old hag, chicken-coop elf.
┗Long-Eared Noble O, Elf X: Hey!!!!!!!!!
Superiority of Dual Swords: I helped you when everyone was insulting you, you know..!
┗KingGodWiki (Author): It was a fair drawing, so it couldn't be helped. Sorry ;
A vigorous morning.
The moment I woke up, I took a sip of the cola I'd bought yesterday and snickered.
Mmm. That dizzying sensation of carbonation prickling through my entire body.
Savoring the taste of cola filling my mouth, I stretched long and hard.
[Fuck, I'm seriously so jealous of that carbonation.]
[Those fantasy-world idiots talking about curses and shit are hilarious, lmao.]
[Why do people want that black water so badly??]
[It looks shady as hell. Why would anyone drink that?]
[Why'd you hand them out while I was gone? Why'd you hand them out while I was gone?]
[Upvote if you woke up and feel like something has gone terribly wrong, lmao.]
I seemed to have slept for around eight hours, but the topic still hadn't cooled down.
‘I know why, though.’
Time did not exist separately in this tower.
Everyone's timer ran differently, so day and night came at different times for each person.
‘A massively active gallery running twenty-four hours a day.’
In other words, while the gallery topic was the same, the people keeping it alive were different from the ones doing so several hours ago.
Of course, even taking that into account, the topic had lasted quite a while....
[★ Review of the cola the newbie sent me!] (457)
[★ This cola is seriously incredible??????] (350)
Wasn't it only natural when two posts like those were sitting back-to-back in the featured posts?
They probably thought they could have been the one to receive the cola.
I used the [Gallery] for the drawing.
Maybe because it was a cutting-edge system Irregular had made, it even had a separate raffle function.
The 1,600-year-old chicken-coop elf... no, Long-Eared Noble, and one anonymous user had won, so I sent them cola right away.
Including what I'd sent the head mod, I'd spent 900 TP, but seeing the nonstop flood of posts and comments, I didn't particularly regret it.
[★ Review of the cola the newbie sent me!]
[Author: Long-Eared Noble O, Elf X]
(A photo of cola in a 1L plastic bottle)
At first, I wondered if it was really okay to drink this, you know??
So I thought about it really, really hard before deciding to open it, but I didn't even know how, so it took me forever??
But the second I opened the cola, it suddenly started spraying everywhere;;
I instinctively covered it with my hand, and after it finally settled down, I licked what had gotten on my hand, and gasp...
It was!!!!!! So!!!!!!!!!!
Delicious?!
I've never tried alcohol made by humans or dwarves, but I have had a little wine before.
But this is so delicious it doesn't even compare to that..!!
It's like magic is bursting all over inside my mouth, and the grace of the World Tree is filling my entire body??
When I came to my senses, I'd already drunk more than half of it..
After living on nothing but hard bread and water, I don't think I can ever go back to my old life after having something like this..
From now on, I'm only going to drink one sip a day..
If you get the chance, you should definitely try it too!
Likes 158 Dislikes 1,326
[Comments]
Anonymous: "If you get the chance, you should definitely try it too!" My ass;;;
Anonymous: Ah, I'm so fucking jealous; I can't even remember the last time I had cola.
Anonymous: Is it okay for an elf to drink something like that? Won't you get punished by some religious rule or whatever?
┗Long-Eared Noble O, Elf X (Author): I'm not an elf, I'm a Long-Eared Noble!! And the World Tree doesn't scold us over things like this.
KingGodWiki: If you leave it sitting too long, it goes flat and tastes bad.
┗Long-Eared Noble O, Elf X (Author): Gasp, really?! Then I'll hurry up and drink it all!!
┗KingGodWiki: That doesn't mean you need to drink it all right now.
┗Long-Eared Noble O, Elf X (Author): ...But I already drank it all?!
┗KingGodWiki: Oh dear.
Baldness Not Stopped Even by a Ninth-Circle Archmage: Stop with these vague descriptions and tell us exactly what it tastes like;
┗Long-Eared Noble O, Elf X (Author): Uh... it tastes like cola?
┗Anonymous: Cola flavor? Fuck, I don't know what that tastes like.
┗Y-2594: Cola flavor does taste like cola.
‘It is hard to explain.’
How could I describe it?
If you hadn't tasted it yourself, it was difficult to understand. Especially for natives of fantasy worlds.
Ding-!
Not an Eraser🔸: You're awake, Wiki...! I've been waiting for you.
┗Not an Eraser🔸: I'm going to make a new post, so please check it...!
"Huh?"
When I checked the gallery at the sound of the notification, I saw a comment from the head mod telling me to look at a newly posted thread.
‘What is it?’
I blinked and refreshed the gallery. Then, a moment later—
[I extended the bans of everyone banned yesterday by one day each]
[Author: Not an Eraser🔸]
Enjoy one more day in prison.
I snickered.
I shook my head at the head mod's ruling, which was obviously full of personal feelings.
‘Next time, I'll definitely send you chicken.’
The head mod was an unpaid slave?
From now on, you were a paid Chunsik.
[Gallery Moderation History]
[Anonymous / 1 day]
[Reason for ban: ]
For the record, beginning with yesterday's rice-monkey... no, monkey beastman, countless people had been banned.
The reason for their bans wasn't written down, but they probably knew better than anyone.
Would I ever see that many photos of naked men doing dogeza in my life again?
‘They were all men, though.’
I decided to delete the notes out of pity.
*
Swipe.
‘Is this about it?’
After browsing through Starpang for a long while, I checked the list I'd organized.
Four sets sitting in my cart.
[Wooden Sword] - 1,000 TP
[Learn Basic Swordsmanship Step by Step] - 2,500 TP
[Wooden Sword] - 1,000 TP
[Wooden Shield] - 1,000 TP
[『Rare』Basic Parry Technique Manual] - 990 TP
[Wooden Sword] - 1,000 TP
[Basic Internal Energy Training Method - Recommended for Beginners] - 1,111 TP
[Beginner's Secret Manual of Basic Swordsmanship] - 1,400 TP
[Wooden Staff] - 1,000 TP
[Basic Magic Theory for Beginners] - 2,500 TP
Things I could buy to clear the tower.
Those were the combinations I could realistically afford.
[TP Owned: 3,543]
Honestly, I wanted something flashier and more comprehensive, but I was woefully short on TP.
‘I need both a weapon and a guidebook.’
I didn't want to spend that much money on low-tier weapons like a wooden sword or staff, but I had no other choice.
I had to buy one for the lightsaber or railgun I would obtain someday. Besides, it would be useful right away.
[Smash Everything Barehanded: Advanced Martial Arts Basic Stance] - 3,500 TP
Of course, going without a weapon was also an option, but....
‘Fighting with my bare hands is still kind of scary, right?’
I had no idea what might pop out in the future, and throwing punches felt a little too risky.
[Danger Level SS! A Practical Necromancer's Guide!] - 990 TP
[☆The Complete Guide to the 「Path of the Swordmaster」 in One Book☆] - 650 TP
[SSEX-Rank Hypnosis Guidebook] - 444 TP
"These are scams no matter how I look at them."
I did wonder whether they would actually sell fraudulent products, but compared to everything else, they were absurdly cheap.
Things about basics or fundamentals were one thing, but there were more suspicious-looking products than I expected.
‘Maybe they simply bring in things from other worlds.’
Considering they were things that didn't exist on Earth and therefore hadn't been verified, it made a certain amount of sense.
I put the hypnosis book in my cart just in case.
...You never knew when or how it might come in handy, right?
‘So what should I choose?’
Nothing in particular drew me in. Whatever I picked sounded like it would be fun.
I should start with the basics... but in my imagination, I had already become everything from a Swordmaster and archmage to a Heavenly Demon and space commander.
‘A mage seems like it'd be flashy and just clicking from range, but....’
There was something about swordsmen that made a man's heart race.
The romance of a one-on-one duel with pride on the line, clenching your teeth as you crossed blades in battle.
"Though I do prefer clicking from a distance."
What's cool and what's efficient were two different matters.
‘Should I ask the gallery?’
Which would be better for clearing the tower from here on out?
All kinds of people from all kinds of worlds had gathered here, so perhaps I could hear the pros and cons of each.
[So what the hell is the newbie, anyway?]
[The food is one thing, but Floor 40 is even more unbelievable.]
[Found black water in the Mindscape Tower lmao. This is cola, right? Lmaoooo]
[Where did he get food? Isn't this a first in history?]
When I came back into the gallery after about an hour, it was still full of talk about me.
The cola topic had cooled off a little, but it had ultimately been replaced by more talk about me.
‘Should I just tell them?’
There was no real problem with telling them how I got the food.
It wasn't as though they could copy me just because I told them.
No, even if they got the chance to copy me, surely nobody would.
[☆ Poll Results]
[Author: Two Hundredth Swordmaster]
────
1. Obtain Irregular and ascend - 562 votes
2. Eat whatever food you want in the tower - 12 votes
────
Honestly, this is the obvious result.
It's more surprising that there are twelve people who picked the other one.
Likes 243 Dislikes 5
[Comments]
Anonymous: This is the right answer.
Man Hotter Than Flames: I've never eaten chicken or cola either, but more than things like that, I want to return home.
Baldness Not Stopped Even by a Ninth-Circle Archmage: I can eat this hard bread for the rest of my life, so please send me back to my original world.
Not an Eraser🔸: Some people might not want to return to the world they came from...
┗Anonymous: Are there really people like that??
┗dd: I mean, I get it. The place I came from wasn't exactly nice either.
┗Anonymous: Ah, in that case, fair enough.
KingGodWiki: Number one, fuck.
┗Anonymous: LMAOOOOOOOOOO
┗Anonymous: The head mod says you need to bow your head already.
┗Anonymous: Loose translation) Head mod, do a naked dogeza too.
┗Not an Eraser🔸: I'm so, so sorry, Wiki...
Of course that was the result. This wasn't some joke hypothetical—they were actually eating because of Irregular.
Nobody would choose to stay in the tower just to eat food they wanted.
Especially when, as the post said, they couldn't even eat as much as they wanted.
‘Well... the people who have remained here could probably earn TP easily enough, though.’
Many of them seemed like blockheads, gallery addicts, or trolls, but everyone in this gallery had survived longer than I had.
Even if they insulted each other over nothing, posted diaries no one cared about, or vented their frustrations about life in the tower.
They were veterans who had survived here for hundreds, even thousands of years.
‘Thinking of it that way makes me curious.’
Where did most of the people here come from?
What kind of ability holders, and what kind of weapon users, had survived the longest?
Were they from futuristic sci-fi settings? Or were they heroic types from dark fantasy worlds?
Not many people used their race or abilities as their nicknames, so I became curious what abilities were actually most helpful in this tower.
I was already wondering which weapons or techniques I should learn, too.
"...Aha!"
My eyes lit up at a thought that flashed through my mind.
If I didn't know, I could just ask. Why imagine things by myself when the people in question were right here in such numbers?
As soon as the thought occurred to me, I opened the [Gallery] and made a burner account.
[Why are you even curious what the newbie is? Lmao]
[Author: Anonymous]
Obviously, he's from some royal knight lineage.
There's a 100% chance he's a proper knight or swordsman type, like a Hero or a champion.
Maybe not a Swordmaster, but at least a Sword Expert.
You think those ranged one-clickers like "spellroach" and "bowbitch" could climb the Tower of Trials that fast? Lmaoooo
Ding! Ding! Ding!
[Comments]
Anonymous: The muscle-brained idiots are back on their bullshit.
Anonymous: The reason they swing swords—because they aren't confident they can use advanced skills like magic.
Anonymous: Then how would a blockhead strength build climb the Tower of Wisdom that fast? Lmao.
Mindscape Tower Lover: He'll come to his senses once he swings at empty air with a sword and gets his head chopped off by an aberration.
Baldness Not Stopped Even by a Ninth-Circle Archmage: Want to bet on our Tower of Trials clear times?
‘Mm, this familiar feeling.’
As a shut-in gaming addict, it was an all-too-familiar sight for me.
Seeing exactly the reaction I'd expected, I immediately made another account.
[Knights are royalty? Lmaoooo]
[Author: Anonymous]
Do you think we're called archmages for no reason?
Even if mosquito priest healbots covered you with strength buffs, we'd still be stronger than you. And you're trying to compare yourselves to mages, the real royalty? Lmao.
Royal mages >>>> healbots > brainless muscleheads.
If you don't know, just memorize it.
[Comments]
Anonymous: Mosquito? Healbot? What the fuck did you just call us?
Anonymous: Says the primitive bastards carrying staves and chanting spells, lmao.
┗Yacha Rule: What did the guy abandoned by his precious god and trapped in here just say?
┗Water > Fire: Lmao, people whose whole thing is folding their hands and praying are calling others primitive.
┗dd: First time I've ever seen these two agree on anything;
Ding ding ding ding—
‘Yes, yes. Big brother can rule the gallery.’
Just two posts.
With two posts written from anonymous burner accounts, I had turned the gallery into an arena.
Posts were flooding the gallery like mad, and all talk about me or food had vanished.
‘An anonymous community, and a lonely tower where nobody will ever meet face-to-face.’
There was no way a faction war wouldn't break out here.
Watching the gallery erupt in flames in an instant, I made yet another account to place the final piece.
[Look at how primitive these fucking humans are;]
[Author: Anonymous]
Fighting among themselves, insulting each other, tearing each other down... it's so pathetic I can't stand to watch.
They're exactly on the same level as those dwarf dwarves.
[Comments]
Man Hotter Than Flames: Dwarves? Has this pointy-eared bastard lost his mind!!!
Anonymous: Stay out of this, knife-ear. 🖕
Long-Eared Noble O, Elf X: This is when you should just shut your mouth!!
┗Anonymous: Do you become wise once you live to around 1,600?
┗Long-Eared Noble O, Elf X: You shut your mouth too!!
Anonymous: Lmao, fantasy-world idiots who've never even had cola.
┗Anonymous: What's a fantasy-world idiot?
┗Anonymous: A primitive fantasy-world person.
Adding a racial faction war as the finishing touch meant it was over.
The head mod showed up belatedly, but things had already blown up.
They were a capable head mod, so they would put things in order soon enough, but it was fine as long as the gallery stayed on fire until then.
What I had to do was start the ‘real’ faction war before this blaze died down completely.
[Attention, losers who've never gotten Irregular]
[Author: KingGodWiki]
Sorry for the clickbait title.
Actually, I'm just an ordinary human with no abilities at all.
Whether it's swords, magic, or archery... I want to learn something properly, you know?
So who's really the strongest??
I'm a newbie, so I honestly have no idea. What's best in the tower?
────
1. Swordsman
2. Mage
3. Priest
4. Martial Artist
5. Archer
.
.
────
I'll decide after seeing the poll results.
Leave a comment if you have another suggestion.
Oh, and for whoever belongs to the top-ranked class and can personally teach me, I'll give them a reward later too.
[Create Post]
After finishing the post, I pressed the submit button and closed the gallery.
I decided to put off the phone ringing like crazy for a while and enjoy a nice morning shower instead.
‘They all know what I mean by a reward, right?’
I had handed out three colas yesterday, so anyone could guess.
They probably thought they might receive something even better.
"Kill each other from now on."
All I had to do was reap the results once the head mod finished cleaning up the burning gallery.
Sorry, Not an Eraser!
I'll climb the tower with this and send you something delicious, I promise!
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