Respectfully,
I humbly write this report to you, my dear parents.
I believe I’m doing quite well. I’ve married a cute, adorable, and beautiful wife who has eyes only for me, and my job is essentially a paradise filled with stunning women. To top it off, I was hired here as the chief. I hope you both are doing well too. As for me, I am healthy—though I’ve been "devoured" so many times that, at a rather young age, I’ve found myself in a situation where I have to fight off advances as if my very life depends on it.
“Akashi, you’re ready, right?”
“Of course, nya! I’m sure the Commander is ready too, nya!”
Because of this, I always pay Akashi in rubies. Of course, I occasionally provide things other than gems—like the smartphone I brought with me. Akashi is such a capable girl that she used my phone as a blueprint to provide similar devices to the other shipgirls. The strange thing is, I have no idea where the network is connected, yet calls go through and the messenger function works perfectly.
Ding ding ding ding!
“Aaaagh!”
No matter what I’m doing, messages are constantly flooding in. They range from every imaginable topic: girls asking what I’m up to, girls asking me out on dates, or girls needing urgent help because something went wrong. But on top of that, some shipgirls even send lewd photos to show off their gorgeous bodies. Yes, Atago, I’m talking about you. Thanks to your influence, Yui has started copying you, which has become a real headache for me.
What do I do when I run out of money?
Akashi, being a money-crazed cat, sometimes comes up with ideas I’d never expect. For instance, if I take candid photos of daily life with Grizzly’s camera and turn them into a doujin, they sell out one hundred percent of the time. And Eugen always buys three copies.
“Eh? What are you talking about, Commander? Obviously, one is for proselytizing, one is for the collection, and one is for... self-soothing, right?”
I know. I know my chastity has been blasted all the way into deep space.
And then there are the times Akashi brings me a promise ring, which is when the real war breaks out. My first wife is Yui (Enterprise), and whether she is simply broad-minded or something else, she approves of polygamy. Consequently, whenever a new ring appears, the office turns into a complete battlefield. You ask who the second wife is?
“Ahahahahaha! The second wife of my master is me, Belfast! No matter if it is Her Majesty herself, I will never surrender this position!”
That’s Belfast, the silver-haired, busty maid, laughing wildly with joy and bouncing in place. From what I’ve gathered, she is obsessed with being the second wife. I actually asked her if the rank even mattered, and she replied that it was a matter of the Commander’s "bed-sharing order." That was the moment I resolved to become a king of stamina as quickly as possible.
What kind of work am I doing, you ask? Ah, right—I became a Commander. An admiral, a man of the sea, a true fleet commander. The work itself isn't hard. For some reason, whenever I give orders, a UI appears in my mind; it feels like playing a bullet-hell shooter where I just dodge and fire, and the girls execute my commands perfectly. I’m glad my reflexes haven't decayed. If I just run the logistics support grind, the day's work is done. My salary? I don’t even have a stomach anymore, so what salary am I supposed to receive? I'm starting to think this is a total black company.
So, as Commander, my weekdays are busy and my weekends are free. On Saturdays, I sleep in, eat, play with the destroyer girls, chat with my wives, tell stories about my past, or sometimes... we "do it" in broad daylight. Sundays, however, are much busier. I used to attend church back home, and there is a church here too. But these girls keep insisting that I come to the church to lead the mass. Yes, they want me to play the priest.
I’m not even a virgin anymore, and they want me to be a priest?
========
One Sunday morning.
In the middle of a quiet little garden with lush green grass and surrounding benches, a single building stood. It wasn’t large, but it managed to combine stillness and sanctity. The only thing distinguishing it from a normal building was the cross atop the roof.
It was a church. A place to praise God. Here, however, it had been inverted into a place to praise the Commander. Inside were wooden pews, marble flooring, and stained glass on the ceiling. The altar was draped in pure white cloth with a sacred Bible placed upon it. Right in front of it, there should have been a statue of Jesus Christ—so why was I the one hanging there?
“Hngh... Commander-sama, who always embraces us so that we may not fall into original sin... *sob*...”
Le Triomphant, sitting beside me, was praying through her tears. I’m not dead yet, and I’m not even actually hanging on a cross. If they substituted me for the Savior in my original world, two billion people would probably stone me to death.
The shipgirls seated around me all belonged to the same religion. It was called a church, but what they worshipped was the "Commander Church." The factions leading this faith most prominently were the Iris Libre and the Vichya Dominion. Perhaps that was why they took the lead so enthusiastically whenever mass was held. I wondered what they could possibly read from the Bible. Just as my expectations vanished, Saint Louis climbed the lectern and began reading in a soft, lilting voice.
“Today’s first reading is from the History of the Commander.”
“It was after the war between the Iris Libre, the Vichya Dominion, and the Royal Navy had ended, and all had become affiliated with Azur Lane. At that time, Dunkerque dared to ask our Lord, the Commander, for a sacred blessing known as a ‘swimsuit.’”
“Then our Lord, the Commander, said, ‘Dunkerque, why do you wish to wear a swimsuit? It is still spring, is it not? And did I not take pity on you and fully enhance your Black Shells, White Shells, and Mark 6? Excess is forbidden.’”
“Then Dunkerque dared to say to the Commander, ‘Commander, the reason I wish to wear a swimsuit is because I want to serve you. By using my ample chest and well-shaped hips to enchant you, and by offering my whole body to serve you, I wished to become an angel who would remain with you forever, and so I made this request.’”
“Though she spoke seductively, she was actually a succubus trying to test the Commander. In order to tempt the Commander, the succubus transformed into Dunkerque and tried to seduce him.”
“When our Lord, the Commander, saw the earnest desire and the lust hidden within, he asked his disciple Jean Bart how much money they had on hand. But Jean Bart soon replied—”
“Commander, didn’t you say you were broke after becoming a wallet warrior because you were building me? That’s why you couldn’t buy Dunkerque a swimsuit!”
“The Commander despaired, but soon regained his composure. Looking closely at Dunkerque, he sensed the lust that had not yet been unleashed and rebuked the Dunkerque who had been brainwashed by the succubus. ‘Back off, you demon! Do you really think I would be swayed by you? Ruby, shining brilliantly in red, bestow your blessing upon Dunkerque!’ he declared.”
“Then the succubus within Dunkerque was unable to withstand the Commander’s power and was blown far away. Dunkerque enjoyed the summer shore she had desired, and forever begged for the Commander’s love.”
“These are the words of the Commander.”
“Praise be to the Commander!”
??????????
No, what the hell was that? When did I ever say something like that?
As I reeled in confusion, I saw Dunkerque sitting in the Vichya Dominion section, staring at me with sparkling heart-eyes and licking her lips. A chill ran down my spine and my whole body started shaking. Wait... is she acting like that because I didn’t buy her a swimsuit? Right? Or is this just complete insanity? It was true that I’d gotten hooked on Dunkerque, fully upgraded her Black Shells, White Shells, and Mark 6, and leveled her to 100—but I still hadn’t given her a promise ring.
“Hehehe... I’m looking forward to tonight... Let’s make a sweet summer dessert just for you and enjoy tea time, just the two of us, Com-man-der?”
Seeing Dunkerque licking her lips and mouthing those words at me, I knew this was going to be bad. I’d better ask Belfast to help block her today. Before I knew it, the reading was over, the mass ended, and the next part of my "duties" arrived.
Confessions for the shipgirls.
I had to go into the booth, listen to the sins of a shipgirl whose identity remained hidden, and grant her forgiveness.
I still didn’t understand why I had to do this.
While I was waiting inside the booth for the next girl, I heard the door slide open. Who would it be today?
“Welcome, little lamb. Now then, please confess your sins in full, and you shall be forgiven.”
“...My Lord, Commander... your humble servant Saint Louis confesses her sins to you in full...”
Why had Saint Louis, who had just been reading in that soft, holy voice, come to the confessional? I grew curious. What could this devout believer have possibly done?
“Now then, sister. What sin have you committed?”
“I... actually...”
Saint Louis seemed to fumble, unable to continue. I couldn’t see her face through the partition, but embarrassment was seeping through her voice. Oh-ho, there’s something here. Feeling playful, I repeated her unfinished words.
“Actually...?”
Then, as Saint Louis confessed everything honestly and in vivid detail, I nearly lost my mind on the spot.
“I looked at photos of my Lord Commander’s noble figure and performed passionate, pleasurable, lewd self-pleasure... pursuing such pleasure about twice...”
This was definitely a situation where I was the one getting screwed.
Still, I had to maintain a polite tone.
“Please speak honestly, sister. Only then can your sins be forgiven.”
“.....”
She fell silent. A minute later, she spoke again.
“Actually, I did it more than ten times a day.”
Is she insane?
“Uh... eee...”
While I was flustered, Saint Louis seemed determined to empty her heart, and she began firing words like a machine gun. It was a torrent of filthy desire unique to Saint Louis, the kind that sends the listener’s sanity flying.
“I wanted to use my spear to XXX the Commander’s XXX, and I wanted to XXX with the Commander’s face when he came, and I thought it would be wonderful if you used that holy and beautiful spear of yours to XXX my XXX and XXX me, and ultimately, I desired to bear the Commander’s child.”
Wow, uh... I’m more embarrassed listening to this than she is telling it.
“Your sins are forgiven. Please live virtuously from now on.”
This won’t do. I need to get out of here. Just as I was trying to slip away, Saint Louis spoke again.
“My Lord, Commander, I have not yet been forgiven for my sins.”
BOOM!
The confessional vanished in an instant, partition and all. Beyond the wreckage, I could see her face. It was flushed red with excitement, her eyes held the look of the Great Whore of Babylon, and she exuded a languid lust as she pointed that spear at me. That big, beautiful spear.
“My Lord Commander! Please accept my XXX and XXX spear!”
“Kyaaah! A perverted harlot is coming for me!”
Running at full speed from a panting Saint Louis, who chased me relentlessly, was the only way to bring my Sunday morning to an end.
========
Yes, this is how I’m living.
Hahaha, I’m living a very exciting life, so don’t worry about me, Mom and Dad.
So please, wait for the day I can finally return!
Save... me...
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