There are two people who matter most to me, Raiden Mei.
One is my father, Raiden Ryoma.
And the other is the Homu Sword Saint.
If you are wondering who the Homu Sword Saint is, he is my swordsmanship teacher. I used to see him two or three times a week, but lately, it has only been once a month—twice at most.
And today was the day I was to meet that teacher, the Homu Sword Saint, who oversaw my swordsmanship training.
Ordinarily, my father—the one who had taught me swordsmanship—should have continued teaching me.
But after the distance between my father and me grew, I could no longer seek his advice on swordsmanship.
How distant had we become?
We had reached the point where, even while living under the same roof, we would not so much as meet each other’s eyes.
My father had once been warmer than he was now, always taking good care of me.
But after my mother passed away—
My father changed.
There were increasingly frequent days when he did not come home, and even on the days he did, it was as if he had broken down.
Or as if he were someone who could not help but throw himself into something else.
He clung to his work, always.
—Even when there was a class observation day.
—Even when there was a family field trip.
—Even when there was a sports day.
—Even when there was a festival.
More than once, I was hurt when he happened to meet my eyes, only to pass by as though he had not seen me.
As though he had no interest in anything beyond his work, my father never spent time with me.
For fourteen whole years.
During that time, what I remembered most was the sight of my father’s back.
That was why, amid my father’s indifference, I wanted somehow to draw his attention.
‘Get along well with your father.’
Those were the last words Mother left me before she went to heaven.
Thinking about it now, perhaps Mother had known Father would change like that when she left those words behind.
But it was not simply because of what Mother had said.
I wanted to see my father as I had known him in my childhood, just one more time.
—The hand that had stroked my head.
—The gestures through which he had shown me love.
—The expression he had worn when looking at Mother and me.
And I wanted to tell Father.
Your daughter is here.
I am right here.
Then, one day, as I was tirelessly striving to turn Father’s gaze toward me—
Someone around me, someone I had thought was a friend, said this to me.
‘Wouldn’t it be fine for you to just ignore your father too?’
At those words, I gave a bitter smile and answered.
‘Because Father is the only family I have left.’
So I desperately searched for something that might draw my father’s attention.
To find out how I could do that, I first observed the people around me.
—A child praised by their parents for being good at studying.
—A child praised by their parents for being athletic.
—A child praised by their parents for good behavior.
—A child praised by their parents for having good manners.
—A child praised by their parents for listening well to the adults around them.
Being praised by one’s parents.
I envied how radiant they looked.
And I reached one conclusion.
‘Ah, so that is how I should behave.’
Perhaps doing only one thing would not be enough.
Then what if I did all of those things?
They received such praise for doing even one of them.
If I did them all, would Father look at me again?
Having come to that conclusion, I quickly put those things into practice.
—Studies.
—Athletics.
—Manners.
—The arts.
—Good deeds.
—Culture.
In everything I did, I was strict with myself, improving myself through effort one step at a time.
Everything was because I wanted Father to look back at me again.
My nanny worried when she saw me pushing myself too hard, but I never uttered a single complaint.
I honed myself through bone-grinding effort.
Even when I sometimes wanted to give up, I recalled the memories of the past, gritted my teeth, and kept trying.
And the result of all that effort was—
"Just as one would expect of a young lady from the Raiden family."
"I heard she never received any special education, yet she possesses such knowledge and refinement. I wish my own child would learn from her."
"Chairman Raiden was blessed not only with his own abilities, but with such a wonderful child as well."
Unfortunately, those were words I heard from people around me, not from Father.
Every noblewoman I met and spoke with had nothing but praise for me.
I also gained their affectionate favor and trust, things not easily won from such women.
What I had not expected was that praise for me also elevated Father’s standing.
Of course, it was a good thing for Father’s standing to rise.
After all, it meant that my actions had a positive effect on him as well.
It meant I had been of help to Father.
But—
I could not obtain what I truly wanted.
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