With the revelation that the Homu Sword Saint was actually my father, I realized that there truly was no one left around me.
Whenever I stared blankly out the window, I could sometimes hear my classmates whispering among themselves. If I shot them a glare, they would avert their eyes as though they had never done anything.
It was already this bad. I could clearly imagine what would happen if I showed weakness like I had before.
So, no matter how lonely or sad I was, I could never show weakness.
I had to project strength.
As I lived through each day that way, I received a call from my father.
[Have you been well, Mei?]
His voice was different from the last time I had heard it.
It was a hollow, worn-down voice.
The moment I heard it, the emotions I had worked so hard to suppress surged up in my throat.
I instinctively covered my mouth.
"...Father."
Even getting out that one word was difficult.
My throat tightened.
Afraid I would burst into tears, I slowly swallowed my breath and forced down my feelings.
Then I spoke as though nothing were wrong.
"Father, I miss you."
[...Are you having a hard time?]
"No, I am not. I just... I just miss you."
I lied because I did not want him to worry.
The truth was, it was hard.
The whispers I heard around me every day.
The cold stares I received whenever I said anything.
The way everyone around me had suddenly changed after my father was taken away.
All of it was difficult to endure.
But I could not tell my father that.
If I told him I was struggling when I could hear from his voice alone how difficult things were for him, he would only worry even more.
Because the one truly suffering had to be my father, undergoing an investigation.
All I had to do was ignore the looks people gave me.
But my father could not do that.
So I endured it.
At least for now.
My circumstances were better than my father's.
"Father."
[Yes.]
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
[Hm?]
"I know you are truly innocent. But I do not understand why they have not let you out yet."
[...Mei.]
At that brief call, I lightly bit my lip.
Somehow suppressing the emotion welling up inside me, I tried to keep my composure and spoke again.
"If there is anything I can do, I will do it."
Even as I said it, I knew.
My father would never ask anything of me.
Still, I wanted to ask.
Anything would have been fine.
I wanted to hear him say that there was at least something I could do for him.
After a moment of silence in response to my words, my father slowly spoke.
[You do not need to do anything.]
"Father?"
[I have not been driven into such a corner that I need the help of a child like you.]
"Father!"
[I do not need your help, Mei. Just live as you normally do.]
At those words, I clenched my teeth.
I had to endure it.
I knew why my father was saying that.
He must have been worried that I might be caught up in the prosecutor's investigation as well.
My father did not know anything because he was locked away.
He did not know what my days had been like.
He did not know how the people around me looked at me.
He did not know how the children I had thought were my friends had disappeared from my side.
My father did not know anything.
So it was all right.
I could understand.
I told myself that over and over.
[Just spend time as you always have with your friends, with people who understand you—]
"..."
The moment I heard those words,
something inside my chest went cold.
Friends.
People who understood me.
As I always had.
The words my father had said so casually pierced my heart strangely deeply.
The children who had left.
The people who had turned away.
The children who had whispered while looking at me.
And my father, telling me to live as usual as though nothing had happened.
I bit my lip.
Do not say anything.
Father did not know anything.
He did not know how lonely I was right now.
How many people had turned their backs on me.
So there was no need to tell him.
That was what I thought.
But then—
"...There is no one."
The words slipped from me before I knew it.
[...What?]
"There is no one..."
My throat tightened.
I stopped speaking and bit my lip.
I tried to swallow it back down.
But once those emotions had escaped, I could no longer so easily force them back inside.
"There is no one."
[What do you mean, there is no one—]
"There is no one around me!"
In the end, unable to hold it in any longer, my voice burst out.
"After you were taken away, all my friends left! Everyone around me turned their backs on me!"
Once I started speaking, I could not stop.
One by one, everything I had endured until now came rushing back to me.
The people I had believed were my friends.
The people who had laughed and chatted around me.
And myself, having to go through every day pretending nothing was wrong even after all of that had vanished in an instant.
"I..."
My voice trembled.
"I was such a fool. I did not know."
I had no eye for people.
I had merely been a target for ridicule.
"I was no different from a clown who did not know anything...."
[...Mei.]
My father called my name.
The moment I heard his voice, I felt even more miserable.
For a while, I could not say anything.
Then, finally, I forced myself to speak.
"Even the person I thought had stayed by my side..."
My voice trembled faintly.
"...I found out that he was the same person too."
[The same person? What do you mean?]
At those words, I closed my eyes.
And I thought of the one last person who had remained.
The person I had trusted.
The person around whom I could let down my guard.
The person I had thought, at least, would not abandon me.
"You were the Homu Sword Saint, were you not?"
My father held his breath at my words.
That brief silence was enough.
I already knew the answer.
"I thought the Homu Sword Saint was the one person I could still lean on."
My voice gradually sank.
"But he was really you, Father."
[Mei....]
"Why did you deceive me?"
[I never meant to deceive you.]
The moment I heard that, I could not say anything.
In truth, I knew.
My father had not meant to deceive me.
Because he had always acted coldly toward me, he had been unable to reveal himself and had worn the guise of the Homu Sword Saint instead.
Only after realizing that my father was the Homu Sword Saint could I understand why.
"Then why did you not reveal who you were?"
[Because I knew you could relax around the Homu Sword Saint in a way you never could when you were with me.]
"...I see."
He was right.
I had bared my entire past to the Homu Sword Saint.
For some strange reason, I could open my heart comfortably to him.
When I was with him, it did not matter who I was or how other people saw me.
I could simply exist as one person.
In a way, he had been closer to me than the friends I used to run around with, the ones who had now betrayed me.
That was why I had been able to keep from breaking down and rebel against the world.
But now, even that was no longer possible.
The moment I realized my father was the Homu Sword Saint.
The moment even the hope I thought I could lean on had crumbled.
I felt my heart falling endlessly.
There was nowhere to turn.
There was no one I could trust.
I had come to realize that there truly was no one left around me.
[Mei.]
"...Yes."
[You are not alone.]
I gave a small laugh.
It was far too empty a sound to call laughter.
"No, I am alone."
I paused for a moment.
My throat tightened.
"There is no one left around me anymore."
[No. You are not alone.]
His firm response made me wonder.
There truly was no one left for me, betrayed by my friends and turned away from by everyone around me.
Even the Homu Sword Saint, whom I had thought remained, was my father.
Then why was Father saying something like that?
"What do you mean?"
[Mei, the truth is, you have a fiancé.]
"...A fiancé?"
For a moment, I could not understand what I had just heard.
This was hardly an age for fiancés, though companies and families still sometimes arranged engagements to forge family ties.
My tutor had always told me to be prepared for such a possibility, so it was something I had thought about before.
But Father had never said anything, so I had not even known whether I had a fiancé.
And now, all of a sudden, he was telling me I had one.
[It is no wonder you did not know. I had not thought deeply about it either, and I had hoped it would simply be forgotten.]
"Father...?"
A fiancé.
He had hoped it would be forgotten.
Those words would not connect properly in my head.
"Wait, I do not understand—"
[But I suppose this, too, is fate.]
I understood even less after Father sighed and said that.
He had hoped it would be forgotten?
This, too, was fate?
What on earth was he talking about?
I wanted to ask him something.
But my thoughts were too tangled.
[My time is up. I have to go now.]
"Wait, Father."
[But do not forget what I told you.]
My father's voice softened slightly.
[You are not alone.]
"Father? Father!"
With those final words, the call disconnected.
"..."
In the end, I had not received any answers.
For a while, I stared silently at my phone.
I had no strength in my hand.
A fiancé.
'Who could it be?'
And why had Father hidden that person's existence from me until now?
More than anything,
the words my father had said at the end lingered strangely in my heart.
'You are not alone.'
I wanted to believe those words.
But I did not have enough room left in my heart to believe them.
In the end, without receiving any answers, all I could do was stare blankly at the disconnected call.
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