Junpei subdued the fallen "Joy" and "Anger" by tying them up tight with rope.
"Hey... isn’t this a little too much★?"
"I can’t breathe!"
The two of them, with the rope wrapped all the way around everything below their necks, flew into a rage.
Because he had bound them carefully just in case, they looked like newborn caterpillars.
'Was that a little too harsh?'
He felt a tiny twinge of guilt, but ignored it.
In movies, this was always the cliché: you let your guard down in a situation like this, and the prey you finally caught gets away.
He really didn’t want to get hit from behind for nothing.
When Junpei showed no sign of letting them go, "Anger" let out a deep sigh.
"We’ve already lost, anyway. We no longer have the right to come after you."
"Is that the rule?"
"Yeah. The moment our hearts break, the value of our existence disappears."
"Joy" and "Anger" were residents of Takaba’s inner world.
Since they were each embodied emotions, their power came from the "heart."
Because of the special nature of this space, they wouldn’t die, but once broken, that was the end.
"Still not letting you go."
"Hey!"
Junpei chuckled and tossed the two of them into a suitable corner.
Once he found Takaba and got out, their role was over.
He didn’t plan to hurt them, but he also didn’t really feel like setting them free.
"Let’s never see each other again."
"That’s my line."
"Bye★"
Leaving behind the cursing "Anger" and the quietly sprawled "Joy," Junpei headed for his destination.
Toward Tokyo Dome, where Takaba and the remaining Four Heavenly Kings, "Sorrow" and "Pleasure," would be.
'They’re not as dangerous as I thought.'
He had learned one thing from this battle.
Even while rampaging, Takaba still couldn’t kill people.
"Is that just because he’s the source of desire...?"
Now that he thought about it, there were plenty of strange things.
If they could just trap him in a completely different space so he couldn’t get out, why leave a path open that led to Junpei himself?
And on top of that, "Anger" had even kindly explained how to clear this "palace."
'Does he want someone to stop him?'
If Takaba were defeated and the technique unraveled, he would die.
It was only natural that Junpei should do it, but it still felt a little unsettling.
Even if he had cooperated with Kenjaku, Junpei didn’t think Takaba had done anything so wrong that he deserved to die after being used so miserably.
"Sigh...."
Sometimes fate is cruel.
It was unfortunate, but what could he do?
Shaking his head, Junpei brushed thoughts of Takaba away.
-Ha ha ha ha ha ha
As he drew closer to Tokyo Dome, the dolls’ laughter grew louder.
Listening closely, he could hear laughter not only from the street outside, but from inside Tokyo Dome as well.
It was still flat and monotonous, but Junpei could distinguish the tiny differences in pitch buried within it.
'People?'
It wasn’t all the same genderless chorus of dolls.
It was human laughter.
Maybe his allies were trapped in there too.
-Tap!
Junpei, suddenly anxious, kicked off the ground and ran toward the source of the laughter.
As he neared the door, the guard dolls standing watch blocked his way.
"Only invited guests may enter here."
"Hey, don’t you know who I am?"
"Who are you...?"
"I! Eat! Meals with your boss!"
No, that wasn’t true.
He had only met Takaba today.
"I even go to the sauna with him, hey!"
"P-please calm down."
"I’m VIP Yoshino Junpei!!!"
As Junpei started throwing ridiculous nonsense and chewing out the guards, they reacted with panic.
"W-we’ll let you in!"
"I don’t need it!"
-Bwakang!
Junpei made the politely bowing guards twice as polite.
After giving each of them a flick to the forehead, the guards folded in half at the waist and slammed their heads into the ground, motionless.
"Wow, this actually works."
As expected, when things weren’t going well, violence was the best answer.
When your body’s good, your brain doesn’t have to suffer.
Muttering to himself, Junpei opened the door and entered Tokyo Dome.
-Creak
When the door opened, what appeared was a performance hall of enormous scale.
A stage decorated with dazzling lights stood at the center front, with the audience seats packed tightly all around it.
For a brief moment he trembled at the overwhelming sight, and then the two people standing on stage fixed their gaze on Junpei.
"Ah! A new audience member has arrived!"
A man wearing a mask etched with a crazed smile shouted brightly.
His face looked vaguely familiar, and his voice sounded like one he’d heard before.
Narrowing his eyes to inspect the outfit, Junpei’s face twisted in disgust.
"Kenjaku?"
"I’ve been found ouuut!!"
As Kenjaku—no, "Pleasure"—made an exaggerated fuss, the man beside him wearing a mask with a sorrowful expression cut in.
"At least change your clothes first..."
"This monk’s robe is my trademark!"
"Even so, that’s just the dead Geto’s clothes... gross."
The man called "Sorrow" replied in a tone so drained it was exhausting just to hear, and waved a hand as if annoyed.
In an instant, the scenery flipped, and before he knew it, Junpei was sitting in the audience.
"What the...!"
-Thud
He tried to get up in a hurry, but some unknown force crushed him down and forced him to sit.
The laughter grew even closer in his ears as he groaned.
-Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
"Thanks for coming.... though you’d probably just leave a bad review anyway."
"You...."
"Just sit there and you’ll feel better..."
Junpei and "Sorrow" met each other’s eyes.
As they silently stared at one another, Junpei’s eyes suddenly widened as he realized something.
"No way..."
"....."
"Were you the last Heavenly King?"
Sorrow, no.
Takaba Fumihiko.
The "palace" was a space where Takaba’s desire had taken physical form.
That was why he was omnipotent in here, able to make anything he imagined come true.
Even the "dream" he had wanted so badly.
He wanted to perform on a stage as wide as Tokyo Dome.
He wanted lots of audience members to look at him and laugh.
He wanted a partner who understood him and would sincerely play along with his comedy.
All of it had become reality.
In a dark, twisted form.
Rather than giving others laughter, it gave them pain.
He was betrayed by the friend he trusted.
He became not a confident comedian, but a clown running endlessly toward ruin.
Sorrowful Sorrow.
Takaba’s true nature, hidden behind the mask he had sublimated into comedy.
What a third-rate comedian had reached after realizing his life was not a comedy, but a black comedy, was endless self-loathing and grief.
Even after fulfilling everything he had imagined, it seemed he still couldn’t hide that sorrow behind a mask.
"I... sometimes... shed tears..."
- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
He didn’t want anyone to see this miserable sight.
In a space born from the desire not to be hurt, there was no one he could truly make laugh.
Since he hadn’t treated comedy seriously, the audience’s reactions could only come back as soulless laughter.
- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
"I’m a funny guy."
- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
The key wasn’t someone else telling him he was funny, but believing it himself.
To affirm himself, Takaba locked the door to his heart.
Thanks to that, his technique was manifesting more strongly than ever, but he had drifted infinitely far from his dream.
What an irony it was.
"Damn it!"
-Clunk!
Junpei gritted his teeth and slammed the chair.
The more he struggled, the tighter the restraint became, but if he stayed seated here any longer, he had no idea what would happen.
Just imagining himself turning into one of those dolls laughing mindlessly up front was terrifying beyond words.
"What kind of bread gets you drunk when you eat it~?"
"...sake bread."
"Ha ha...
Mmph!"
The technique’s effect was already kicking in, and unwanted laughter burst from his mouth.
The disgust and fear of his own body no longer obeying him washed over him.
Junpei’s face went deathly pale.
'I can’t die laughing here for the rest of my life!'
Am I laughin~g~?
It’s all a li~e, right~?
Our adventure, piercing through lies and uncovering the truth, starts now!
"WRYYYYYYYY!!!!"
As he shouted with the force of summoning Zenin Toji(Dio), an unstoppable impulse surged up inside him.
His blood boiled, nothing in front of his eyes registered, and every muscle in his body pulsed in a high state!
In one motion, Junpei kicked off the ground and ripped the chair binding him out of the floor.
-Craaack!
"Hyah~ This is my evil spirit power~!"
He already had the power to resist.
If he truly thought it was funny, there was nothing he couldn’t do.
Trying to maintain resonance, Junpei spat out random nonsense and hurled the chair he had broken free from toward the stage.
-Bang!
"Whoa!"
"That’s dangerous...."
Ignoring the complaints from "Sorrow" and "Pleasure," Junpei sprinted up to the upper audience seats.
He had heard it clearly when he was forced to sit down.
The voices of his allies, who had been caught in the technique early and forced to laugh.
-Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
When he reached the top row, he found the familiar faces he expected.
Kusakabe, Todo, Choso, and Nobara.
Those hit by the laugh trap were pitifully bound and forced to watch that horrible performance against their will.
'Ah...'
What pathetic souls they were.
I shall bring you light.
This was the time for everyone to join forces!
"Wake uuuuup!!!"
-Slap slap slap slap!
Charging along the row they were seated in, Junpei slapped Kusakabe, Todo, and Choso across the face in turn, back and forth.
He didn’t hit Nobara in particular.
There was the risk of being reported for dating violence, and besides, Junpei was a sweet, good Japanese man.
-Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
"Damn it....!"
But the three who had been slapped showed absolutely no sign of getting up.
They must have had their souls held hostage by the demon of laughter.
Swallowing his tears, Junpei decided to save them later and approached Nobara, who was still laughing blankly.
"In this world, there is no curse more twisted than love!"
That was Gojo Satoru’s theory, so it had to be right.
There was a contradiction in that Gojo Satoru himself was a born bachelor, but Junpei decided to believe it this once.
To resist Takaba and Kenjaku’s laughter virus, above all else, he needed the power of great love.
"Yare yare, what a troublesome girl."
It’s time to get up, ojou-sama.
His greasy, butter-box-smeared eyes were fully loaded too.
Possessed by the prince from a Disney movie, Junpei didn’t hesitate and kissed Nobara.
-Zukyuuun!
Since ancient times, the way to save a princess cursed by evil magic was the prince’s heartfelt kiss.
He thought she would definitely wake up, but...
-Ha ha ha ha
"...."
She didn’t wake up.
Junpei’s expression slipped for a moment.
"You... for a prince... you’re way too gloomy..."
"How long are you going to keep solving everything with a feudal mindset? This is the age of democracy!"
"Shut up!"
Ignoring "Sorrow" and "Pleasure" mocking him from behind, Junpei decided to take drastic measures.
If Nobara found out, this wouldn’t end with just one punch, but he couldn’t help it.
It was your fault for not waking up...!
"Here, some Chinese dumplings... oh. There are two of them?"
-Boing boing
"Before they get cold..."
-Squish
What Junpei grabbed was not delicious Chinese dumplings, but Nobara’s pair of mountain peaks, rising like China’s noble spirit.
When he clenched them in his palm, a blissful sensation spread through him.
He kind of wanted to bury his face in them right here... and die...
-Ha ha ha ha
"...."
Nobara still did not get up.
What a shameless woman.
She couldn’t even recognize her husband’s affectionate touch, and was laughing at another man.
"Hoo... this won’t do."
If you trample my sincerity like this, then I’ll become a thug too, Nobara.
Blame yourself for making me go this far!
"It’s always the prince who wakes the princess."
Yeah. Prince.
The key thing to watch out for isn’t "prince," but "prick."
Junpei squeezed his eyes shut and yanked his pants clean off.
-Stiff
"Kyaaaaa!!"
"That crazy bastard! He’s insaneeee!!!"
Fake madness is powerless before the real thing.
As Junpei, having stripped off everything but his underwear, exposed his goods, Takaba and Kenjaku forgot their act and fled in a panic.
Half out of his mind and not even knowing what he was doing, Junpei grabbed his junior and completed his "aiming."
-Ha ha ha ha
"Our Nobara... has such a big mouth..."
Her mouth wide open in laughter was so pretty.
At that size, she should be able to take it just fine.
"I’m putting it in~"
By this point it had already gone beyond the bounds of sexual harassment, but to Junpei, consumed by madness, that fact was utterly irrelevant.
And just before the irreversible happened—
"Huh?"
By the censoring of the ratings board, Nobara regained her senses.
"....."
"....."
Junpei froze stiff, still holding his member and finishing his "aiming."
Earthquakes struck the pupils of Nobara, who had locked eyes with the vicious flesh club.
"W-what is this...."
Why am I here?
Why is Junpei taking off his pants...
What is he trying to do....
Having grasped the entire situation in an instant, her face turned bright red as if it might burst.
"W-wait! I can explain everyth...."
"You crazy bastard!!!"
-Thwack!
Her fist struck Junpei’s center with perfect precision.
"Guh.... d-damn it...."
-Thud
Unable to endure the pain, Junpei rolled his eyes back and collapsed, foaming at the mouth.
Watching the disaster from behind, Takaba and Kenjaku jumped up and slapped their hands together.
"We won!"
"End of Part 1!"
Thank you for reading Sea God Yoshino Junpei so far.
-The End
"Cut the bullshit!"
Junpei, revived before anyone knew it, roared in protest.
Fuck! No one is satisfied with an ending like that!
If you’re not going to pull an axe-cancel, then stop with this cheap-ass joke, you asshaaats!
"J-Junpei..."
"Nobara, sorry. I wasn’t in my right mind just now. Will you forgive me?"
"Hmph! I don’t know!"
After properly pulling his pants back up and apologizing, Nobara turned her head away haughtily.
There wasn’t time to argue over this or that in a situation this urgent.
There would be plenty of time to punish him after everything was over.
"Then trust me. Can you promise that no matter what I say or do here, you’ll follow me?"
"Huh? Uh, yeah...."
It seemed like he had glossed over it somehow, but what did it matter?
As long as everyone was happy, that was enough.
Junpei, who had effortlessly won Nobara’s heart like some cool-headed regression protagonist from a web novel, shouted in a booming voice.
"Takaba and Kenjaku! No, Pinch and Chance!"
Takaba and Kenjaku.
The two of them—utterly unfunny, but invincible.
"I’m challenging you to a comedy battle!"
A two-on-one was unfair, so all they had to do was form a duo on this side too!
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