I am born of my coin ([Money-Disappearing Alchemy]).
As the name suggests, it is a technique that fires coins as bullets—something close to having an infinite magazine.
It does not possess the power to transform the battlefield like some Heroic Spirit.
All it has is a rapid-fire rate that requires no reloading.
Penetrating power capable of punching through iron armor.
Destructive force that can inflict grievous wounds as long as it hits.
It is a simple but powerful ability.
Powerful enough that I can confidently say I would rarely lose a head-on fight.
There is a reason the original Gotoh made his living with just one simple ability.
I have never met him, but there was someone in the Phantom Troupe with a similar ability. If it came down to a straightforward contest of firepower, I would definitely win.
However, this ability has one fatal weakness...
"Fuuuck!!! My salary!!!"
The longer my opponent holds out, the bigger the hole in my bank account gets.
It is all real money, so it hurts like hell!
"Ahahahaha! I see, so that is your ability◆"
It had already been five minutes.
Hisoka was doing an excellent job of evading my coins.
The bastard was like a money-eating hippopotamus.
These coins had to be at least three times faster than the ones used by the original Gotoh, yet he was dodging them absurdly well.
"You really are interesting, mister♥"
The good news was that even that psycho clown could not do anything else while he was busy evading my coins.
He was trying to exploit an opening, but it did not seem easy.
Was it because I had sprayed coins in every direction and blown away every place he could hide, preventing him from slipping into the forest like in the original?
Sorry, trees.
But I need to live too.
You can grow back if someone plants you again, but if I die, that is it.
But what do I do?
If this turned into a stalemate, I would be the one losing out.
Regardless of the fact that Hisoka was doing his best to dodge, it was about time he started wondering, ‘Is that all?’
That bastard was a dopamine addict. Even when he saw something new, he would not stay interested in it for long.
If you checked his YouTube watch history, the only video over ten minutes long would probably be a Chrollo vlog.
He is so gay.
That is not a slur against gay people.
It is solely an insult to Hisoka.
"Mister Butler, aren’t the coins slower than before? Maybe you are running out of strength♣"
"Are they? I cannot really tell."
"That would be disappointing♠"
Having decided that my bullets had slowed down, Hisoka stopped where he had been fleeing.
Then he spread both hands, apparently intending to receive the incoming coins head-on.
A clear chance for him to counterattack...!
"Bungee Gum ([Elastic Love])♥"
That was its name?
That is fucking disgusting. I thought it was just Bungee Gum.
The flying coins were stopped by the aura between Hisoka’s outstretched hands. The aura stretched out like rubber, but the coins could not pierce through it.
"Looks like you lack stamina◆ With power like that, I suppose it is only natural♣"
It is not my stamina that is lacking. It is my bank balance.
Though I could still keep firing for a few more hours.
"My skill is lacking, so it cannot be helped. I am not capable of doing two things at once yet."
"Hmm?♣"
Hisoka voiced his confusion.
He was maintaining his aura, apparently intending to reflect the coins. That was his mistake.
"Unless I reduce their velocity... I cannot put force into their spin."
"!!!"
The coins hanging motionless in midair began spinning fiercely, winding Hisoka’s aura around themselves.
This had worked in the original too.
Hisoka’s arms began whirling around, and unable to overcome the momentum, his entire body was starting to twist.
"If you do not release your ability, your own aura will strangle you to death."
So do not release it. Just die like that.
I had worked hard enough, had I not?
Five minutes against Hisoka?
That was fucking impressive.
"Release Bungee Gum◆"
Goddammit.
"You are not firing anymore?◆ That was the perfect opportunity♣"
If I fired in a straight line, you would just dodge it in some ridiculous JoJo pose.
I had wondered how he could evade bullets faster than in the original, but it was just instinct. Are you some kind of fucking beast?
Sure, he could sense them with aura too... but ordinary bullet trajectories would never catch him.
So I tried firing something a little different.
"Ngh?!♠"
The first effective hit I had landed on him.
The handicap it had left him with.
"[Water Skipping (Bouncing Coin)]."
The coin burrowed through the ground, emerged precisely from Hisoka’s blind spot, and sprang upward. Hisoka jerked his head aside, but his right ear was completely torn off.
Fuck. That was not a direct hit either.
Even old man Zeno had said he could barely detect this with Nen.
I guess his talent really was that exceptional. That crazy bastard was born with a silver Nen spoon.
"That surprised me◆ You have so many tricks, mister♥"
—Then we can play for a long time♥
Was that really something a guy whose ear had just been torn off should say...?
This would not do.
I had planned to put on a little WWE show and get out, but that bastard did not seem inclined to let me go.
I needed to distract him with one big move, then make a break for it.
Fuck. I was not even valuable enough to go in his toy box, so why was he making such a fuss?
What did he even like about a middle-aged man like me...?
"You are still young. Please value your life."
And if possible, please value mine as well.
I fired nearly a hundred coins into the ground all at once.
"[Water Skipping (Bouncing Coin)]."
Those who know will know: this was inspired by a technique future Leorio would use.
I had merely modified it for assassination.
It made no sound and even bypassed En’s ability to sense Nen.
It left only the faintest vibration in the ground.
Like skipping stones across water, the coins bounced beneath the earth.
That was why someone with an acute enough sense to detect subtle vibrations had a better chance of avoiding this ability than a Nen user did.
Rumble—
But here was the thing.
When around a hundred coins all went underground at once, there was no hiding it.
The ground itself shook as though a massive army were charging in.
"Heh... hehehe♥"
You get the idea, right?
As they say, if nobody sees it, it is an assassination.
"I should warn you: if even one hits you, you will die."
The earth roared.
More than a hundred shots had been fired.
There was only one target.
"Ahh... this is the best, mister♥"
The violence of numbers descended upon the clown.
**
In truth, the part about dying from one hit was a lie.
Seeing the way he had dodged earlier, that bastard could probably survive if he wrapped himself up in Bungee Gum.
It would have been nice if the coins could twist up the Bungee Gum along with him like a rope, but spinning was not this technique’s strength.
Still, I bluffed a little so he would be too busy dodging coins to think clearly.
And what should I call this?
Was he living up to my expectations, or betraying them?
That insane clown bastard was genuinely dodging every single coin.
"Do you have no human heart...?"
"Hahahahahaha!♥"
No, seriously.
After I did all this, could he not at least let one hit him?
Even in Bleach, when someone used a big move, they got all shocked and took the hit.
What an asshole, ignoring the conventions of battle manga.
Now that there was nowhere left on the ground for him to dodge, he was stepping on coins and launching himself into the air to evade them.
He was using Moonwalk.
I believe it now. You really are CP9.
I will even put a lock on your glasses, so please spare me the Finger Pistol.
Hisoka had already avoided more than half the coins and was currently floating some thirty to forty meters in the air.
Hmm.
This should be enough.
At least it was a relief that this creative bastard was creative within my predictions.
If he had simply run away without looking back, I would not have been able to use the technique I was about to use.
Hisoka was in the air right now, so he had lost speed and had no cover.
"I am spending an awful lot of money today."
I took out a coin. No, I ‘created’ one with Nen.
A single coin made from aura compressed and compressed again.
It looked different from ordinary Jenny.
A maple leaf was engraved on one side, and the letter M was stamped on the other.
Since it was not currency from this world, its value was unknown.
And now, I would determine that value.
"Forty-five meters above the ground. Let us make it one million Jenny."
Honestly, five hundred thousand Jenny would probably do, but that bastard operated by different standards.
Fuck, my money.
The instant I set the value of this coin, that exact amount of money actually melted out of my bank account.
But it could not be helped.
Because when I made it with other restrictions, it had been fucking weak.
If I did not think it was a waste, even the laws of the world would not move the scales for me.
Perhaps sensing the unusual aura gathering in my hand, Hisoka’s eyes widened as he stared down at me from midair.
"◆♣♥!!"
You are too far away, asshole. I cannot hear you.
Not that I want to hear you anyway.
"I hope this will satisfy you."
I fired the coin at the clown floating in the sky.
To restore this entire situation to normal.
"[Meso Explosion (Exploding Maple)]."
**
"Gotoh!"
"Mr. Butler! When you did not come, I thought something terrible had happened."
Fortunately, I made it to the second examination site before I was late.
I thought the fight had dragged on for a long time, but apparently it had not.
Maybe the perceived time had been fucking long because I had nearly died and my life had flashed before my eyes.
To be precise, I was late because I had been picking up coins on the way here.
"Is your friend all right?"
I looked at Leorio, who was lying against a tree, and asked Gon’s group.
Fortunately, the coins had come off his eyes.
If you left them on too long, people started looking a little like zombies.
Was that not why I had named it [Charon’s Fare]?
"Yeah. Thanks to you, we got here safely. Thank you."
"Thank you very much."
Following Gon’s lead, Kurapika bowed to thank me as well.
When we met in the wetlands, he had been incredibly wary of me. Now that he saw me as an ally, he had become friendly right away.
"But you are amazing, mister! Did you beat Hisoka? You are so strong, mister!"
Not as strong as you.
I still could not believe you would turn into Gon Meat Monster someday.
"We did not fight. I simply gave him a proper talking-to and sent him on his way. He was quite reasonable. He will be here soon as well."
"Liar! Your suit is covered in dirt! And you smell like blood. Mr. Butler is stronger than Hisoka."
The dirt got on me while I was picking up coins.
And Hisoka went really easy on me.
"Hmph. Of course he is. Gotoh is one of the most capable people in our household."
Does our young master have about forty fingers?
There are already more Zoldycks than I can count on one hand.
"Come on~. But Killua was really worried too, was he not? ‘What if something happened to Mr. Butler?’ That is what you said~."
"W-What?! When did I ever say that?!"
Really?
When I gave him a subtle look, Kurapika nodded, as if to say, ‘You did, you did.’
That was fucking unexpected.
I had expected something cold like, ‘Butlers are disposable. We can just hire another one.’
Maybe Killua had grown somewhat attached to me after seeing me since he was little.
There really was nothing like time when it came to getting close to kids.
But why was Illumi still like that after ten years?
That shitty egg-ghost bastard.
Just thinking about him filled me with Illumi-disgust.
"Mr. Butler, what is with that expression?"
What? I had kept a fucking perfect poker face.
Could Gon tell when I cursed even in my head?
The protagonist buff was ridiculously overpowered in every respect.
"It is nothing. More importantly, Gon?"
"Yeah?"
I smiled brightly and held out my hand to Gon.
"Would you return my two coins?"
**
Somewhere in the devastated wetlands.
An unknown sound came from the center of the blackened, fire-scorched ground.
Crackle. Crackle-crackle.
Hisoka pulled a radio from his pocket. Whether through luck or not, it was still working despite the explosion.
[Hisoka. The second exam is about to start. Stop playing around and get here already.]
"All right, I will be there soon. Thanks for telling me◆ Friends really are the best♥"
[Yeah. Were you satisfied with your fight against Gotoh?]
Hisoka smiled as he licked the blood running down from his torn forehead.
"Completely♥ Are all the Zoldyck Family’s butlers that strong?♣"
If so, Hisoka’s top priority might change.
There were too many risks in fighting the Zoldycks themselves, but if it was merely their butlers...
[Only Gotoh. He is the only one Hisoka would enjoy fighting. Grandfather trained him personally.]
I see. That old man’s work♣
"I thought the Zoldycks did not take disciples◆"
[Yeah. He is an exception. It seems even Father acknowledges him, at least a little.]
That meant he was an irregular even from the Zoldycks’ perspective.
An unexpected variable, but Hisoka always welcomed this kind of variable.
[More importantly, Hisoka.]
"Yeah?◆"
[Touch Killua one more time, and I will kill you.]
It was chilling.
In that instant, killing intent so thick that he could sense it even through the radio reached Hisoka.
Genuine bloodlust, unlike anything he had felt from the butler earlier.
Hisoka felt a shiver run down his spine.
‘Ahh♥’
Vulgarly enough, Hisoka got an erection.
Someday, Illumi, you too...♥
[That is your final warning. There will not be a second one.]
Did Illumi know? That saying things like that only made someone want to cross the line even more?
But Hisoka displayed tremendous self-restraint.
"Got it♠"
All for a greater pleasure.
For the ultimate amusement that would arrive one day.
.....But still, but listen.
"The butler is fine, though, right?♥"
[Yeah. That is fine. Gotoh will not die.]
He did not have to restrain himself from an appetizer before the main course, did he?
***
Fuck. What is this?
I have a really bad feeling about something.
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