Fuck, here again?
After managing a WAW for the first time, getting beaten like a dog by Captain Mir, and barely managing to wash up and get myself together before sleeping with my aching body, this just made me feel even shittier.
In the pure-white space of my dream stood Carmen—a familiar woman, but one I absolutely did not want to face again.
"Ha... you came again."
"It’s not like I wanted to come!"
Carmen sighed.
She looked tired. The Carmen I knew was a half-crazy bitch who barged in out of nowhere, stirred up trouble, and left. Seriously...
"Something happen?"
"I was threatened."
"What...?"
"Daneaksuseon..."
Ah... if it was that bastard, I could understand.
"Actually, um... I thought I’d have some time after meeting him... but he suddenly barged into the light where I was and told me to hurry up... So here I am."
Carmen shrugged.
Was this a trial? Or another notification?
"What a reeeally wonderful boss."
I said that, but all kinds of thoughts were racing through my head. Still, I couldn’t resist teasing Carmen.
"Ha... I shouldn’t have come to you back then... But I should do what I have to, right?"
Then her expression dimmed slightly.
"It’s your first trial."
"Already? It’s only been a day."
"Yeah, what can we do? If they tell us to do it, we do it."
Carmen looked at me.
Eyes of insight, eyes that saw through everything... Was that why she looked at people like that and said things that pried them open? As a member of the Carmen Victims’ Association, it left a bad taste in my mouth.
"The Bloody-Scarred Mercenary."
"That child has lost her dream."
Carmen said.
"Only rage remains, and futile revenge."
"So find them for her."
"A new dream. A new reason. And a new life."
Easy for her to say. But was that even possible?
She was a subspecies born after being implanted with the original’s memories. She had memories she believed were her life, and rage she believed was her own emotion.
Wasn’t it asking too much to tell someone like that to find a life beyond revenge?
"Is that even possible?"
"Who knows."
Carmen smiled.
"That’s why it’s a trial."
"What if I fail?"
"Don’t ask me that."
She let out a quiet sigh.
"I was threatened into coming too, after all."
"Anyway."
Carmen took a step back.
"You already know where that child’s memories came from."
"But she doesn’t know whether the rage she clings to is truly her own."
Carmen’s voice grew a little more distant.
"So be careful. Breaking that child will be easy. But putting her back together will be difficult."
With those words,
the pure-white space collapsed.
I opened my eyes.
It was morning, and I was staring at the ceiling of the dormitory.
"..."
Fuck, Carmen. I had to go to work, but none of yesterday’s mental exhaustion had gone away.
It was just a dream, so why did it leave me feeling even heavier?
A few days passed after that.
My daily life did not change much.
Go to work.
Work.
Train.
Leave work.
Then go to work again. The cycle kept repeating.
If there was one fortunate thing, it was that Carmen did not appear in my dreams during that time, so at least I could sleep well.
The unfortunate thing was that Lobotomy, this fucking company, did not particularly care about an employee’s mental state.
If you’re alive, go to work.
If your arms and legs are still attached, work.
Even if you seem a little out of your mind, you can still do your job.
Just like this godforsaken company.
One other thing had changed.
"You’re here?"
The Mercenary was the one who spoke first now.
The containment unit always had the same lighting, the same smell, the same atmosphere.
And the Mercenary was almost always in the same spot, sitting against the wall.
Today, too, she was sharpening her axe on a whetstone.
By now, that scraping sound had become familiar to my ears.
"Insight this time."
"I know."
"Did you see the terminal?"
"I know without looking."
The Mercenary snickered.
"I can tell roughly what it is just by looking at your face when you come in."
"It’s that obvious?"
"You management types let more show than you think."
"That hurts my feelings."
"It’s true, isn’t it?"
Couldn’t argue with that.
I sat down in the chair across from her.
At first, even sitting in this chair had made me nervous.
Now I just sat down naturally.
Humans are animals that adapt.
Though I wasn’t sure whether adapting in this company was a good thing.
"So... nothing special today?"
"...Do you like flowers?"
What a random question.
"Me?"
"Yeah."
"They’re all right."
"I liked them."
The Mercenary muttered as she sharpened her axe.
"I was a florist’s daughter, after all."
That story again. She probably missed it—the moment from her life that she missed most.
Like this, she would sometimes tell me about herself.
"They smelled nice."
"The colors were nice too."
"There were lots of pretty ones."
Scrape.
"I hated roses, though."
"Why?"
"They have thorns."
"Ah..."
"Getting pricked hurts. My mom got pricked a lot too..."
That made me laugh without meaning to.
The Mercenary frowned.
"Why are you laughing?"
"I’m not."
"It’s just... you’re more ordinary than I expected."
"I’ll kill you."
"Sorry."
She resumed sharpening her axe.
For some reason, the sound felt quiet.
She was unmistakably an Abnormality. An Abnormality implanted with memories and fated to live a life she never wanted. And yet, looking at her appearance, her attitude, and her reactions, I could feel her humanity.
A few more days passed.
This time, it was Instinct Work.
I entered the containment unit carrying bread and soup.
The Mercenary saw what I was holding and raised her head.
"Oh..."
"Bread."
"You like it, don’t you?"
"So you can understand what people say."
"Is that a compliment?"
"Who knows."
I handed over the bread and soup.
The Mercenary accepted them as though it were nothing.
She tore open the packaging.
One bite.
Then another.
She sure ate with gusto.
"Does it suit your taste? It’s a different kind of bread from last time."
"You eat when you’re hungry."
"Is it the same as the bread you used to eat?"
"Honestly, I don’t remember either. It’s just... eating bread brings back longing, so I like it."
"What about the soup?"
"Here."
The Mercenary took the soup and had a sip.
Steam slowly rose from it.
"Not bad. Same as last time, too."
"That’s a relief."
"The previous guys only brought really disgusting stuff. At first, they were scared, but after a few days, they started bringing soup mixed with weird things. Of course, I killed them immediately."
"That’s scary."
"You said you’re in charge of me. Then you should at least do that much."
"...But you’re joking, right? Who would dare pull that shit on a WAW-class Abnormality like you?"
"Then take good care of me. And think about what happened last time before you decide whether I’m joking or not. Heh heh..."
For some reason, I couldn’t refute her. If it was the Information Team, made up of incompetent shitheads according to Captain Mir, maybe they really would have done that...
A few more days passed like that.
When I went to work, I managed the Mercenary.
When it was time to leave, Captain Mir dragged me off to train.
"Again."
Thud.
"Agh! That hurts!"
"Again."
Thud.
"Captain, wait a second... Break time!"
"Again."
Thud.
Fuck, that really hurt.
Captain Mir showed no mercy.
No, more precisely, she did show mercy.
She only hit us hard enough not to kill us, which made her even more vicious.
I saw it. Whenever I screamed that it hurt, she was definitely smiling a little.
Yuri got the same treatment.
"Yuri."
"Yes..."
"Pick up the twin blades."
"I can’t lift my arms..."
"Pick them up."
"Yes..."
Yuri lifted Requiem with an expression that was almost tearful.
At first, she screamed.
Now she just took the hits.
Humans are animals that adapt.
The problem was that I had no idea whether this adaptation was good or bad.
Nova watched from the side. She was supposed to be leaving work, but she heard we were getting beaten up and came over to watch.
"Wow."
"That’s seriously brutal."
"Aren’t you going to stop her?"
"Why would I?"
"It’s entertaining."
She was seriously insane.
Still, it worked.
My body definitely moved faster than before.
Repentance had also become more familiar in my hands.
At first, it had just been a black longsword. An ordinary sword that gave me a rough sense of how to use it simply by holding it.
Now it was different.
When I gripped it, it felt strangely as though it followed my breathing.
I did not know whether that was good or bad, or whether I would be corroded again like last time if things continued this way, but at least it helped me survive.
Then, one day,
when I opened the containment unit door,
the Mercenary was taking off her hood.
"...Huh?"
"What?"
"Nothing."
I stopped for a moment.
I hadn’t even seen that in the game...
Seeing the Mercenary’s face that so many Lobotomy fans had wanted to see, she was more ordinary-looking than I expected.
Brown hair, blue eyes, and a face younger than I had expected.
The face that had always been hidden beneath her hood looked like that of an ordinary girl you could find anywhere.
Of course, her eyes were anything but ordinary.
They were the eyes of someone who could tear a person apart and kill them.
"You look more ordinary than I expected."
The Mercenary narrowed her eyes.
"Disappointed?"
"No. Still, I thought you’d be covered in scars and a little older."
An axe flew at me.
Crash!
"Fuck!"
"It didn’t hit you."
"It almost did!"
The Mercenary laughed lowly.
It was a smile I had not seen in quite a while.
"But... why did you take it off?"
"Take what off?"
"Your hood. You’ve never taken it off before, have you?"
The Mercenary was silent for a while.
Then she took a bite of bread and spoke.
"Who knows..."
"Who knows?"
"Yeah."
She looked down at the soup, then snickered.
"I just felt like it would be fine to show you now. That’s all."
I could not say anything.
Those words sounded strangely heavy. I could feel the trial approaching in my bones.
After that, the Mercenary would occasionally take off her hood.
It was not as though she had lowered her guard completely.
If I said anything strange, the edge of her axe still stopped right in front of my throat.
Her old long gun was always within reach.
Still, things were different from the beginning.
At first, we had merely been a management employee and an Abnormality.
Now, a little—
just a little—
it felt as though we had become people who could talk to each other.
That was the problem.
Carmen’s words kept lingering in my mind.
A new dream, a new reason, and a new life.
So I started asking. Originally, I had planned to take my time and try it slowly, but I felt that if I did not do it now, I might never get the chance.
"Mercenary."
"What?"
"What will you do after you kill the Wolf?"
Scrape.
The axe stopped for a moment.
"Be a Fixer."
"Keep doing that?"
"Probably."
"Why?"
"..."
The Mercenary thought for a moment.
Then she said,
"Who knows."
That answer kept bothering me.
Who knows.
Her expression was truly empty.
As though that were the period at the end of her life.
Even if that was the fate determined by the game—no, by this world—I did not like it.
"What about after your revenge is over?"
"...Who knows."
"Don’t you want to return to the flower shop?"
"It’s gone."
"What if it were still there?"
"...Who knows."
"What do you want to do besides being a Fixer?"
"...I don’t know."
"Then... what do you know?"
"...I don’t know."
It was the same answer every time.
The Mercenary wanted to kill the Wolf.
She wanted revenge.
That feeling was real.
But there was nothing after it. Because that was her fate, and the role this world had assigned her.
Truly,
nothing.
Only then did I understand why Daneaksuseon had set this trial.
She had lost her dream.
Only rage remained.
Only revenge remained.
That girl’s life ended with revenge.
If she somehow killed the Wolf,
the Mercenary’s life would end with it.
Even if she remained alive.
Because she would have no reason to go on living.
She seemed a lot like me.
After ■■■ died, I had been the same.
I had lost the direction of my life and simply entrusted myself to the world, drifting on a vast sea.
That night,
in the hallway,
Nova was crouched in front of a vending machine.
In her hand was an unidentified green drink. Probably Enkephalin.
It was a color that looked like no one should ever drink it.
How could she drink that stuff, seriously?
"Nova."
"Hmm~?"
"Are you free tomorrow? Let’s take care of something together."
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