Chapter 2: 2. Not a Wall Ass, but a Tree Ass
[Title: Newbies who find bunny-hopping hard, I made a macro for you, so take it and use it.]
(Link)
You know that mouse software you have? Just put it in there and use it.
You don’t have it? Then spam-click the wheel like crazy, lol.
└ Damn, does this only work with Logideck mice?
└└ Yeah.
└ Pant pant pant Thanks, thanks.
└ What the fuck? You don’t know you aren’t supposed to use this?
└└ ?
└└ You get banned if you use this.
└ Hey, you bastard, I got banned the second I used it.
└└ Same here, so I’m making a new account right now.
└└ ? Hahahahahahaha.
└└ This fucking psycho bastard.
└└ Fell for it again, newbie.
└└ Welcome to Megall.
└ They block this after patch 1.21, so just don’t use it.
[Title: Let’s come back and explore farther ahead next time!]
(Image of a black slime smiling)
Let’s come back and explore farther ahead next time! Let’s come back and explore farther ahead next time! Let’s come back and explore farther ahead next time! Let’s come back and explore farther ahead next time! Let’s come back and explore farther ahead next time! Let’s come back and explore farther ahead next time! Let’s come back and explore farther ahead next time!
ㄴ What the fuck, let me out.
ㄴ Before Lord Slime, we are but insignificant creatures, and the world is made of one enormous slime.
ㄴ Ah… do even you believe this cramped little world is "real"…?
ㄴ But seriously, is there no way through it?
ㄴㄴ There is, but do you have 69,800 won?
ㄴㄴ Ah, fuck.
[Title: Let’s use the black slime as a training dummy]
(Picture of a minimap with a red line drawn across it)
The slime respawn area starts at this red line.
There’s a tree in this area, right? Nudge your character forward toward it, then back-roll, and—
(Image of a slime getting stuck in a tree)
Ta-da! A training dummy that takes true damage with no defense! No matter how much you hit it, it won’t disappear, so don’t worry.
Newbies have nothing to lose early on even if they die, so practice your combos. You veterans probably already knew this, right?
Just don’t go over five minutes. If you do, it counts as an instant death.
ㄴ Whoa! Thanks, thanks.
ㄴ This newbie mastered combos with this and got to Floor 100 in no time.
ㄴ Holy fuck, look at that trashy ass twitching while it’s stuck in the tree. Fuck, that’s hot, lol.
ㄴㄴ ?
ㄴㄴ Sir?
ㄴㄴ Move aside, I want to try something.
ㄴㄴ Typical Megall.
**
Familiar white… lettering.
[You Are a BUG.]
"I know…"
The last thing I had seen was myself collapsing with a huge hole in my stomach…
"Was this some kind of time-loop story?"
When I came to, I had woken up in the familiar field. The only thing that had changed was that single line of text telling me something I had no idea what to do with.
I felt around the stomach that had been wounded. The hole in my clothes told me what had just happened was real.
"Tch… so it isn’t a time loop."
I didn’t know whether I should be disappointed that I hadn’t gotten infinite coins, or relieved that I probably wouldn’t go insane quite so quickly.
Anyway, I had survived. To check my current condition, I opened my status window.
[Status Window]
Name: Jang Ryu-o
Class: None
Title: None
Level: 7
HP: 120/150 MP: 70/70 Strength: 6 Agility: 6 Stamina: 6 Intelligence: 6 Luck: ¿? 9
Remaining Points: 11
Trait: BUG
Skill: [LV.MAX Slime Body]
My eyes widened as I looked at the status window.
‘Eleven remaining points… and what is this?’
The max-level skill [LV.MAX Slime Body] immediately caught my eye.
‘Slime Body? Can I transform like that thing, too?’
Curious about its effect, I pressed it, but no helpful explanation appeared.
‘At least the BUG trait gave me some text…’
I pinched my arm and pulled it hard.
I had thought it might stretch like a slime’s, but that wasn’t it…
Growing increasingly suspicious of the skill, I spread my legs into a full split this time.
"Oh?"
My legs, which had been about as far from flexible as possible, bent freely like a Chinese acrobat’s.
Even while holding the split, bending my waist forward gave me no trouble, so I bent it backward instead…
Stretch—
"Oh?"
My body bent smoothly, without catching on anything at all.
I could take bizarre poses without feeling any strain.
"Wow, I can do this too?"
When I crawled around on all fours with my waist bent backward like that, an immense wave of post-nut clarity hit me.
"Let’s stop…"
Being alone in this godforsaken empty field seemed to be driving me crazier by the minute.
Or maybe I resented getting a skill like this in the first place?
"How am I supposed to use this… yoga YouTube? Oh, there’s no YouTube here."
Since simply having it wasn’t a loss, I decided to think positively.
"Yeah! It’s better than not having it—hup!"
I was about to laugh it off when a passing gust of wind snapped me back to my senses.
There was no guarantee another slime like that wouldn’t show up.
I must have let my guard down because I was so rattled. This was an area where mysterious slimes appeared!
The moment I realized that, I ran.
Thud thud thud thud thud
"For fuck’s sake…"
Even the sound of my own running was starting to get on my nerves and make me anxious.
I ran while recalling the sensation of being chased by the slime.
‘How did I run back then…? I definitely flailed around like this…’
As I spread my legs wide and ran diagonally, I gradually felt my steps growing lighter.
Whoosh!
It felt as if the wind had wrapped around my feet and become shoes. My speed continued to rise, and I began surging ahead.
My stamina had been a concern, and I had wondered whether I should use my remaining points. At this rate, though, I could save them.
I didn’t even know where I was headed. I simply ran, hoping a different landscape would appear.
**
The sun had been blazing and the atmosphere bright when I first started running…
But quite a lot of time had passed since then.
I could see pale moonlight slipping through the leaves.
While running, I had found a cleared path through the forest, and excitedly picked up my pace.
I kept gaining speed, and my jumps kept getting higher… I thought I had achieved enlightenment and awakened some kind of divine movement technique.
Then, while running around like that, I failed to control my speed and slammed into a tree.
I literally got stuck in it.
I had hit it hard, but for some reason there were no scattered wood chips. My body had simply gone whoosh! and sunk into the tree.
I could have understood it if I had broken something, at least. But I had become one with the tree and couldn’t move an inch, so I wasn’t even angry.
"What is this…?"
I struggled to pull myself out, but I wouldn’t budge.
I considered putting points into Strength and digging my way out of the tree, but my arms were stuck in it too.
‘I just slid right in when I hit it. What the hell are the conditions for that?’
As I was pondering that, I spotted a carriage traveling down the well-maintained forest road in the distance.
"Huh? Hey?"
Thinking this was my last hope, I shouted until my throat felt like it would burst.
"Hey!!! Wait a moment! Please help me!! There’s a person here! Hey!!!"
Fortunately, my voice was not drowned out by the noisy carriage, and it came to a stop.
"Guhh! What the hell is that?!"
"A monster… wait, that’s a person!"
Hearing human voices for the first time since coming here, I was overcome with relief and joy at being saved.
"Over here! Here!"
Two women approached me, looking at me hesitantly.
They looked like… they each had their own story. One had short hair and a long scar beside her eye, while the other’s long hair was a complete mess, as though she had never cared for it.
"Excuse me, could you please help me—ah."
Come to think of it, from anyone else’s perspective, I must have looked incredibly suspicious.
A body fused with a tree…
After thinking about what I could do to look less suspicious, I reached a conclusion.
They say you can’t spit on a smiling face, so I decided to smile first.
"Haha, hello, beautiful ladies. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, could you help me out? Due to an unfortunate accident, I got my body stuck in this tree."
Tch… Somehow, that seemed even more suspicious.
As I wondered how to explain myself, the short-haired woman nodded with a pleased expression.
"Well, isn’t this a windfall? With merchandise this high-quality, the higher-ups will love it."
The long-haired woman stopped her companion as she moved toward me.
"W-wait! Don’t get any closer. Isn’t that the legendary druid?"
"Why would a druid be in a place like this? Anyone can see he’s human."
The short-haired woman fearlessly trudged over and stroked my face with a lingering hand.
"See? Nothing happens even when I get close. You worry too much, that’s your problem."
"R-right? Wow… we won’t have to worry about money for a while."
"Pardon…?"
No way…
"Excuse me… are you two perhaps in the business of buying and selling people?"
Apparently my question did not matter in the slightest. The short-haired woman grinned and asked me instead,
"Hehe. Hey, have you ever had sex? I mean, have you ever mated?"
‘What the fuck… what?’
What kind of crude, out-of-nowhere question was that?
I had no idea how to answer here. Which answer would lower my value? No, should I raise my value to guarantee at least a minimum level of safety?
"I-I have! I’ve done it."
I had never actually done it, but it was a gamble. In every world, surely purity was valued highly…
"Tch, then we can’t sell him for top price. Still, with a face like that…"
"Why worry? We can just lie when we sell him."
"Hmm… let’s get him out first."
So regardless of what it was, I was going to be sold either way.
I began shouting pathetically, trying to negotiate.
"Actually, I have a venereal disease! Even if you sell me, you won’t make any money! If you just get me out of here, I’ll definitely repay the favor—"
"Then we cut it off. There are buyers who like that sort of thing too."
"Actually, I’ve never done it—"
At that moment, a gleaming axe blade buried itself in the tree above my head.
Thwack!
"—before."
"You’re annoyingly loud. Will you shut up?"
It seemed my bullshit had cost me their trust.
"Yes."
Apparently, being sold was now a foregone conclusion.
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
I had planned to look for an opening to counterattack or run the moment I escaped, but the other woman had already tied both my legs together.
As for fighting back… a tree this huge was being chopped down as easily as if it were a pencil, so I would put that idea on hold.
Sure enough, after only a few swings that did not even seem to take much effort, the tree fell.
Creeeak… boom!
‘Hmm… Should I just stay obediently captured rather than get myself killed trying to act up? No, but who knows what they’ll do to me…’
If both resistance and submission led to uncertain futures…
I called up my status window in my head, put all eleven remaining stat points into Strength, and slumped with a gloomy expression.
The short-haired woman pulled a knife from her clothes and began carving away the wood around me.
"Don’t move if you don’t want to scar that pretty body."
The fact that she had a knife put me at an even greater disadvantage, but…
"Yes…"
Scrape! Scrape!
The short-haired woman looked at my face and gave a faint laugh.
"Even after you’re sold, you’ll live being pampered for that looks of yours."
Thank goodness. For whatever reason, they were underestimating a grown man.
"Hehe… you think so?"
Then the long-haired woman began taking off my pants.
"Inspecting the merchandise!"
"Go ahead and do it!"
These fucking lunatics… Calm down. The embarrassment will only last a moment.
Despite my resolution, it was humiliating, but not to the point that I could not endure it.
It would not wear out just because they looked. I decided to simply keep up my act and lower their guard.
"D-don’t! Please!"
Then a knife plunged into the tree between my arm and face.
Crack!
Eyes glaring down at me with an irritated expression. Her face shadowed because the moon was behind her. The knife blade looked as though it would touch my throat if she applied just a little more force.
"Hup!"
"Tch. That’s more like it."
In the end, my pants and underwear came down…
"Tulan! L-look at this!"
"Why are you making such a fuss? I’m busy! Fuck, how did he get stuck in a tree—"
"Hurry up and come look!"
The woman who had been carving the tree clicked her tongue and walked around to my other side.
"Eek! W-what is this?!"
"Premium goods…"
"Hehe… AHAHAHAHA! We’re rich now!"
"The goddess must have sent him down because she pitied us! It was good that we lived such virtuous lives!"
Virtuous lives, my ass. You’re slave traders…
Forced to have my dick dangling out while they appraised it, I could only keep my mouth shut in shame.
Maybe it was true that anger made a person calmer. I thought as hard as I could about what I would do once I was freed.
The woman returned and began digging me out of the tree with a wide smile, delighted by this unexpected jackpot.
"Hahahaha."
She could not stop laughing, as though merely looking at me filled her stomach.
My neck and upper body, which had been on top, came free first, but I pretended to be weak and limp.
I stayed still even when one arm came free. My legs were tied, so I needed to wait even more carefully for an opportunity.
The short-haired woman looked down at me after I was finally pulled out of the tree, smiling creepily.
"Mmm… should I have a taste first, or not?"
I focused as hard as I could on the hand holding the knife.
The instant she opened her outer garment and tried to sheath the knife in the scabbard inside!
I kicked off the ground with my bound legs, reached out, gripped the knife’s hilt in a reverse grip, and pulled it free.
The movement was so quick I could hardly believe I had done it. The short-haired woman froze in surprise.
Because my legs were tied, I grabbed the woman by the chest with one hand and tried to bring the other down to cut her neck, but…
Crash!
"Ghk!"
"You bitch—"
"Tulan—"
As our bodies tangled and she fell backward, she grabbed my wrist and resisted.
Wanting to end this two-against-one situation as quickly as possible, I squeezed every ounce of strength from my body.
The moment her sweaty hand gripping my wrist slipped slightly…
Slishhhhh!
Splaash!
"You whore! Huh?"
My hand moved at a speed I could not see, severing the short-haired woman’s wrist.
I could figure out what had happened later. I tried to slash down at her neck again, but the woman behind me kicked me away.
Thuuud!
My body went flying.
"Kuhup!!!"
The kick forced the breath from me, but compared to how far I had flown, the pain was slight.
That gave me enough time to cut at the restraints on my legs as hard as I could with the knife in my hand.
Slice, slice!
"Aaaagh! M-my hand!"
"Tulan! You bastard!"
Furious over her companion’s injury, the long-haired woman charged at me.
I looked regretfully at the ropes that I had not fully cut through yet.
‘They tied me up way too damn thoroughly…’
Just when I thought I was going to die like this…
Swish!
Thud! Sssshhhk!!!
In the blink of an eye, the long-haired woman was staring at me from the ground.
No—her severed head had fallen in front of me.
Splattered by the fountain of blood that erupted upward, I blankly watched her headless body collapse.
Then a lovely voice partially brought me back to my senses.
"Vermin like you were selling another innocent man, were you?"
"…"
Silver hair, brilliant as though it held the moonlight itself, broke apart as she turned her head.
"Are you all right, baby?"
‘Ears…?’
I barely had time to think before weakness washed over my body and sleepiness came rushing in.
I looked into her beautifully shining yellow eyes, then passed out.
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