It had been about fifteen minutes since I left the house with reluctant steps, spurred by the manager’s threatening phone call.
“Ugh...”
I was sprawled on a bench in a nearby park like a vagrant, suffering in silence.
No, it wasn't that I had actually planned to ditch my part-time job. Up until halfway here, I had been walking with the genuine thought, Since it’s come to this, I might as well give it my best.
Then, I ran into an unexpected obstacle.
At a passerby's casual remark—"What's that?"—I reflexively turned my head and... found the corpse of a cat lying in the road.
If this had been me a few days ago, it wouldn't have been an issue. But because I had been spending so much time staring at corpses lately to procure more meat than usual, the accumulated stress finally came back to bite me.
“Hrk...!!!”
Just the sight of a single dead cat triggered a full-blown panic attack.
My breath hitched, cold sweat broke out, and a wave of dizziness hit me. Even while standing still, I felt a sickening motion, as if I had been on a boat for hours.
My hand instinctively reached for the anti-anxiety medication in my pocket, but I stopped halfway.
The pills would ease the anxiety for a while, but I couldn't forget that even though they were prescribed for treatment, they were essentially narcotics. If I overused them, I'd develop a dependency, and there was no telling what other damage they might do to my body.
Besides, I had already taken two earlier this dawn while gathering corpses.
When the doctor prescribed them, he warned me that the proper dosage was one pill per day. However, I had been struggling with panic disorder for a long time.
Perhaps because I had built up a tolerance, a single pill was no longer enough to calm the attacks.
I had resorted to taking two, but then the effect became too potent; I'd occasionally see hallucinations that startled me half to death.
In the end, I had no choice but to wait for the attack to subside on its own. I headed to the park in search of a place to recover.
I found a suitable bench and lay down, which led to my current predicament.
The homeless man who seemed to be the actual owner of the bench was giving me a piercing look. Sorry. I'll be out of your way soon...
“...I really am pathetic.”
Once the panic attack eased, self-loathing rushed in to fill the void.
I wasn't even sure what exactly I hated. I just knew that in this moment, I felt utterly miserable, and that made me despise myself.
Maybe it was the fact that I was trembling over a dead cat. Or maybe it was the fact that I was so powerless that I had nothing to offer Eto unless I ruined my own health.
If I had more money, if I knew more about Ghouls, if I possessed the "strength" to raise Eto safely....
I searched for everything I lacked, trying to find a concrete reason for my self-hatred, but I realized these were only fragments of the truth.
“Damn it...”
A curse escaped my lips at the sight of a problem with no answer. Realizing that the curse was ultimately aimed at myself only made me more depressed.
When I moved my arm away from my eyes, I saw a clouded sky.
If the clouds thickened any further, it looked like it might rain, but for now, they blocked the harsh sunlight, allowing me to gaze at the blue sky in peace.
Flap.
A bird cut across the horizon.
A pigeon? No, it was too large for a pigeon. The silhouette was different too....
That was....
“...An owl?”
An owl in the middle of a concrete jungle, far from any actual forest... I felt like I had seen one before.
Then, as if obscuring the owl from my view, a plastic bottle of mineral water entered my line of sight.
What was this? Was the homeless man offering it because he couldn't stand watching me suffer?
“Ah, thank you.”
Taking the bottle, I offered my thanks and sat up, turning to look beside me.
A black coat entirely unsuitable for the summer heat and a fedora pulled low over his eyes. He wasn't a homeless man.
I recognized him.
He had more wrinkles than the last time we met, and his hair had grown grayer, but there was no mistaking him.
“...You’ve gotten a lot older, Mister Kuzen.”
“And you’ve grown quite thin since I last saw you, Koma.”
It was Kuzen, Eto’s biological father.
“Was the last time we saw each other three years ago?”
“Around then. Though we only spoke for a minute or two because something came up.”
“It was a shame. You left before you could even spend much time with Eto.”
We sat side by side on the park bench, exchanging words.
The homeless man who had previously claimed the bench had vanished, intimidated by Kuzen’s sharp gaze. It wasn't intentional, but I felt a bit sorry for him.
“How are things with the organization?”
“I'm in the process of wrapping things up. In fact, I've just come from dealing with the key figures of the main strike force that had been hunting me.”
So that was it.
With a look of understanding, I glanced toward the inside of Kuzen’s coat.
I caught a glimpse of his hand pressing down on a wound, accompanied by the faint, metallic scent of blood.
“Is it a serious injury?”
“It's nothing. A Ghoul heals from this sort of thing quickly.”
“For someone who says it's nothing, you look pretty exhausted.”
“I don't think you're in a position to say that.”
“...Is it that obvious?”
“You look as though you might collapse on the roadside at any moment.”
Damn.... Eto had only suspected a little, and I had managed to hide my expression well enough to fool Hitokawa... I guess you really can't hide anything from someone with that much experience.
“...Is Eto’s ‘meal’ proving difficult?”
Kuzen asked cautiously.
“Mm.... A little.”
“I see....”
“But it’s fine. I can still manage.”
“By relying on medication?”
I swallowed a groan.
How did he know? Ah, he must have spotted me the moment I saw the dead cat. He had seen me hesitating over the pills.
I considered lying and saying they were vitamins, but I gave up. I might be able to fool Hitokawa or others, but fooling this man was impossible.
“...The doctor says it's getting dangerous.”
“...”
“He doesn't know where the mental stress is coming from, but he told me to stop immediately. He said if I don't, it'll eventually get so severe that I won't even be able to function in my daily life.”
“...Koma.”
“But—”
Kuzen began to speak with a heavy tone, but I could already guess what he was going to say.
I cut him off before he could finish.
“I can still raise Eto.”
“...There is no need. My issues with the organization are almost resolved....”
“If that were really true, you wouldn't be running into me on the street while injured. You would have come home in one piece.”
I gave a playful grin, as if I had just landed a critical hit on the speechless Kuzen.
Listen, Mister Kuzen. Do you really think you know me that well? I may not be able to fool you, but you can't fool me either.
“There are still dangerous ‘variables’ left, aren't there? Variables that could swallow up not just you, but Eto as well... That's why you haven't been able to properly come for her in five years.”
“...But if you continue like this, you'll—”
“Ah, I've been curious about this for a long time... about Ukina.”
Ukina.
Kuzen’s wife and Eto’s biological mother.
The human who had accepted Kuzen, a Ghoul.
“You said a child cannot be born between a Ghoul and a human because the fetus cannot receive nourishment... How did Ukina do it?”
“...You know that a Ghoul has only one source of nourishment.”
“Right? Then I can do it too.”
“Koma....”
I patted the shoulder of the man whose face remained shrouded in shadow.
“Trust me. I am the nephew of the woman you loved, after all.”
“...”
Kuzen stood up without a word.
After walking a few paces, he spoke without looking back.
“You certainly resemble Ukina. ...But you are not as strong as she was.”
“Mm~ I'm disappointed about that too. If she was the sunlight, I'm barely moonlight at best.”
“Therefore, I ask this of you.”
Kuzen walked away, his black coat fluttering in the wind.
He left behind a single, murmured command.
“...Don't die.”
“I'll keep that in mind.”
I waved goodbye to him.
Looking up, the owl that had been traversing the skyline was gone. When I looked back down, Kuzen had vanished as well.
“Well then... shall I get going?”
My panic attack had subsided. I stood up, stretched my limbs, and resumed my walk.
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