“Your mother bought ten apples at the market. She ate four in the morning, three at lunch, and none at dinner. So, how many apples are left~?”
“Umm~.”
Listening to Dad, I spread out my fingers.
The number of apples was ten, just like my fingers, right? If four were eaten in the morning... umm, how many should I fold down?
Watching me struggle, Dad gave a wry smile and offered a small hint.
“Hint: The number of apples left is the same as Eto’s age this year. How old is Eto?”
Ah! I think I know!
I shouted the answer with absolute confidence.
“Three thousand years old!”
“You’re three years old, aren’t you!? Why do you already know the thousands place when I haven’t even taught you that yet!?”
Looks like I got it wrong. What a shame....
As I drooped, Dad laughed as if he couldn't help it and gently patted my head. The feeling of his hand moving through my hair was so soft that I loved it.
Feeling happy, I threw myself into Dad’s arms.
I love Dad. I love everything about him—his kind smile, his warm embrace, his voice, his scent, and even his “taste.” I love it all.
Ding-dong.
“? Who is it?”
The doorbell rang, and Dad started to get up.
I wanted to stay in his arms a little longer, which was a shame. Still, I’m a good daughter, so I let go of his waist so he could go greet the guest.
Dad walked carefully to the door and peered through the peephole.
“......!”
I could feel Dad catch his breath silently. Then he turned back to me and whispered urgently.
“Eto! Formation B!”
Boing!
I sprang up like a startled rabbit, my ears perking.
Formation B. That is the emergency protocol our house adopts whenever an unfamiliar guest visits.
I don’t know why we have such a thing. According to Dad, it’s because there are many scary people in the world.
Formation A is our normal state, and Plan B is when I hide.
Formation C is when Dad and I hide together. I love that one because I can cling to Dad. I hope the day comes soon when we can use it.
The final one, Formation D, is an immediate evacuation.
I once asked Dad if that meant jumping out the window like in the movies, but for some reason, his expression hardened and he said no. Instead, it involves using a rope already tied securely to the balcony railing to escape.
Anyway, just as I had practiced, I opened the closet door and buried myself among the blankets.
Still, I was curious about who it was, so I didn’t close the closet all the way, leaving it just a tiny bit open.
After confirming I was hidden, Dad took a deep breath and opened the front door with his usual composure.
Standing on the other side was a man in a white coat.
Dad always gets tense whenever he sees people wearing those coats. Especially when he's with me. I wonder why?
The man in the white coat looked to be around Dad's age. He had deep dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept in days, and his eyes were bloodshot.
He looked exhausted, but even a little kid like me could tell he was trying his best to hide it.
Dad asked, “What can I do for you?”
“Are you Takaki Koma?”
“Yes, that is correct.”
“It is a pleasure to meet you. I am Shinichi Hajimoto, a Second Class Ghoul Investigator with the CCG. I am the one taking over for your father, Takaki Harima.”
“My father’s...? It has been a long time since I’ve had any contact with him. Why are you visiting me?”
“......I am sorry to bring you such unfortunate news.”
Flinch.
I saw Dad’s shoulders tremble. Why was he doing that?
“Four days ago... First Class Takaki Harima, who participated in a critical operation... was attacked by a Ghoul while saving me....”
The man named Shinichi Hajimoto twisted his face in pain. It seemed as if every single word was an agony to utter, yet he forced himself to continue.
“......He died in the line of duty.”
Died in the line of duty? What does that mean? It sounds like a difficult phrase....
KWA-GA-GA-GA-BOOOOM!!!
Startled!
I was so shocked I almost let out a cry.
Dad had suddenly slammed his fist into the wall. Blood began to trickle down his trembling hand.
It looked terribly painful.
I wanted to rush out immediately, but since Formation B strictly forbade coming out until Dad gave the word, I held myself back.
What expression was Shinichi seeing on Dad's face? Looking at him with eyes full of grief, the man bowed deeply.
“I am so sorry.... Because of my inexperience, I became a burden to First Class Takaki. Your father’s death is entirely my responsibility.”
“......Please, raise your head.”
Dad’s voice drifted out. At first, it was so cracked and broken that I barely recognized it as his.
“He was an idiot who said he’d kill one more Ghoul even if it meant dying in the process.... To think he spent his final moment saving a subordinate... At least he did something human at the end, so what is there to be sorry about...?”
“......I am sorry.”
Uncle Shinichi couldn’t lift his head for a long time after that.
Dad didn’t say anything more. He just stood there blankly for a while before speaking again.
“May I... ask one thing?”
“Yes. Anything.”
“What kind of person was my father to you...?”
Uncle Shinichi straightened up, closed his eyes, and thought seriously before answering.
“No matter how ferocious the Ghoul... he was a merciful man who tried to capture them alive whenever possible, giving them a chance to atone for their sins.”
“Is that... so?”
Every time I heard Dad’s trembling voice, my chest hurt for no reason. I don't know why, but I didn't want to hear him sound like that.
After a few more words, Uncle Shinichi handed over a paper envelope along with his business card before departing.
『Will』
What did it say? I felt so sad that I was too young to read the kanji.
After Uncle Shinichi left, Dad tore open the envelope and unfolded the paper on the spot. Since the guest was gone, was it okay for me to come out now? I called to Dad softly.
“Dad...?”
“....”
There was no answer.
He simply tossed the paper aside and collapsed into a corner of the room. I hurried out from the blankets and rushed to his side.
“Dad? What’s wrong?”
“....”
I couldn’t see his face because he was covering it with both hands, but I think I could feel what he was feeling.
“Hic.... Huuic....!”
I was shocked. It was the first time I had ever seen Dad cry.
He was desperately trying to stifle the sound, but he couldn't hide the grief in his voice or the tears leaking through his fingers.
Whenever I cried, Dad always comforted me.
Now, it was my turn to comfort him. But what could a small child like me possibly do?
“....”
After a moment of thought, I approached Dad and wrapped my arms around his head in a tight hug.
Dad’s sobbing stopped for a moment, startled.
“Please don’t cry.”
“....”
Tremble...!
Dad’s pitifully shaking hands wrapped around my back as I clung to him.
“Uuugh...!! Aaaahhhhh!!!”
Then, he let out all the grief he had been suppressing and wailed. Was I really unable to stop his sadness? I began to hate my own helplessness, and tears started to well up in my own eyes.
So, I cried with him. Dad held me for a long time, weeping uncontrollably.
I carefully hid the paper Dad had read.
Someday, when I am an adult who can read difficult words, I will read what is written on that paper.
And when I find out exactly what makes Dad so sad, that is when I will truly be able to comfort him.
「To Takaki Koma,
You might already know this, but Ghoul Investigators write their wills in advance before undertaking dangerous operations. If you are reading this, it means I’ve likely died due to some foolish mistake.
In the end, I never even got to meet you, let alone hear your voice. I am sorry for leaving you with such a stubborn father.
I still encounter many Ghouls. I still believe they must be dealt with ruthlessly, but after what happened between us, I began to see things I had been blind to for a long time.
Do you know what my colleagues call me lately? My nickname, the 'Butcher,' has somehow changed to 'Buddha.'
It’s probably not a good sign. Half-baked kindness can be fatal for a Ghoul Investigator. Still... I don’t consider it a misfortune. People change. Perhaps Ghouls are the same? I find myself thinking that occasionally.
...Writing this much is becoming quite embarrassing. I will do my absolute best to survive today as well, so that this letter never reaches you.
P.S. That promise to call me when your daughter grows up and gets married... is that still valid?
Your father, Takaki Harima」
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