What I encountered in my dream was an old man.
"Are you satisfied with the journey you’ve taken so far?"
Even with such a sudden question, I didn’t feel the slightest sense of incongruity in the dream.
'I wouldn’t say it’s been nothing but painful, but...'
"No."
If I had the chance, I would never choose this present.
Guilt? I don’t feel guilty enough to accept this much and still be okay with it.
Regret only exists when something is worth trying in the first place. If I can’t even reach it, there’s no way it could exist.
"Then do you want to abandon them now and go back?"
"Yes."
There was no hesitation, no doubt.
"I’ve already done all I can, no matter what anyone says. Even if I sacrifice more than this, there won’t be any reward for it."
"...Then why are you fighting now?"
"Because there’s no other choice."
"...I wouldn’t recommend it, but there is also the path of falling away..."
"If I do nothing and just die, I’ll feel cheated enough to die twice over..."
After a long silence, the old man spoke again.
"You were made for destruction, and yet you lived as an ordinary man, with an ordinary heart and an ordinary life. Even if the end is painful, will you regret the path you walked to get there?"
Regret is lamenting that you chose the wrong option without choosing another. But...
"You need choices before you can regret them..."
In truth, I couldn’t say there were no choices at all. It was just a matter of whether I died right now or gambled on something else...
The instinct to live is human nature. It’s a natural goal. If struggling not to die sent my life tumbling into the abyss, then that life was wrong from the start—one without hope or salvation.
"...Is my life wrong?"
'Come to think of it, with this much bullshit, maybe the world really is determined to kill me.'
The thought that the world was tormenting me flashed through my mind, but...
"Then will you give up?"
"I’ve come too far for that. I should at least see the end..."
"...You and the girl who saves the world with you are like parallel lines."
"She’s running toward tomorrow. I’m running because I can’t bear to let go of the past I’ve already lost..."
As if I were waking up, the old man’s figure grew hazy.
"...It seems time is up, so I’ll say one last thing. There is no sin in being born. So do not cling to the words of those who condemn you for it."
Blue flames flickered around the old man as he receded from my sight.
"""
The first time I met him, I felt relief. In the far, distant land of Antarctica, there was an ordinary Eastern girl.
There was someone in a similar position to me, and that made me feel relieved.
On top of that, he shared the burden of the sudden, immense duty of saving the world instead of leaving me to shoulder it alone.
He was a precious companion in so many ways. But day by day, he kept losing more and more of himself.
He became terminally ill, then had his thoughts controlled with the power he barely managed to obtain...
I couldn’t even begin to imagine how painful it must have been, but he was already pushing himself so hard that it was close to the expression of grinding down a broken body.
He was driving himself mercilessly to push the restoration of human order forward as quickly as possible.
But his face was completely different from how it had been at the beginning. He looked like someone who had no hope left and was only living because he couldn’t die...
He seemed to be trying to hide it somehow, but he was just too simple a person. Everything showed on his face, so I pretended not to notice out of courtesy.
I like him. As one human being to another, he’s easy to understand and straightforward, and when I’m with him, I can relax a little more.
It feels like having an older brother... Yes, exactly like an older brother. If Romani is a hopeless grown-up and the Director gives off older-sister vibes, then
he’s the kind of person who feels just like an older brother—neither too mature nor too childish.
When he fails, he gets depressed and throws a tantrum, but I know he’s someone who keeps trying.
He isn’t kind by nature. And yet he keeps trying to live kindly.
When I learned he didn’t have much time left, I felt angry before I felt sad.
Why is it that he has to carry the burden with me, while only he pays the price? Why is it that no matter how hard he tries, he never gets rewarded?
His wish wasn’t all that different from mine. He just wanted to go home...
He’s easy to understand, so I can sympathize with just how devastating that feeling must be more than anyone else could.
If I were told to do what he’s doing with no hope at all...
Honestly, I don’t know...
To endure it without going insane...
"Aaaah!!! I want to go home!!!!"
Albus was throwing a childish fit like a kid begging for a toy...
"Be quiet!!!"
...while the Director grabbed him by the hair and made him practice typing.
...He really does seem half-mad, but even so, just seeing him hold on makes him look amazing to me.
He’s an ordinary human being like me, with an ordinary life and an easy-to-read personality, and I can tell without him saying a word just how desperately he’s enduring it.
So I can only hope that the rest of his short life is filled with laughter.
Because he is...
"Where is that Master?"
Black Jeanne, with Oki and the rest of the doujin party members in tow, was looking for Albus.
"The Director dragged him off somewhere, saying she was going to make him produce four million lines of notes today."
"How is that idiot slower at typing than I am, and I only started using a computer less than half a year ago..."
"Can’t be helped..."
Because...
"That’s exactly why I want to stay partners with him."
He’s clumsy and bad at a lot of things, and he throws plenty of tantrums, too.
But the man who keeps running through despair like that idiot is, to me, a precious partner who is just as lacking in his own way, and I’m proud of that.
"M-chan seems to really like men..."
"Oki... there’s no denying there are things to like about that idiot, but the Master..."
Leaving behind Black Jeanne, who was blushing and muttering, "If not someone like me, then who...?" I turned to the girls in front of me...
"I like him."
"Right, you like him... what?"
""Huh?!""
Black Jeanne, Kiyohime, Oki, Báthory, Jeanne, Draco, and the others all gaped as if the sky had fallen.
"No... why are all of you reacting like that...?"
"What exactly is so great about that idiot?!"
Black Jeanne was the first to explode.
"Sure, he’s kind and considerate and responsible, but that’s not exactly the kind of thing that makes you fall for someone..."
"Doesn’t it? You too, Oruta..."
"Don’t call me Black Jeanne like that!! And stop saying weird things!!"
Black Jeanne left her seat to chase after Jeanne, who was running off into the distance.
"M-chan, since when..."
"Could it be that before we even met..."
Then came Oki and Jeongmyeol’s interrogation...
"An affair...? Is that what this is, Anchin?"
Kiyohime’s overwhelming pressure.
"Knight, I won’t say much if you’re talking about him as an individual... but don’t get too attached to him... Parting will be painful..."
"Thanks for the advice, Draco."
And Draco’s concern, along with many other conversations, came and went.
Before leaving, I asked everyone to keep this a secret from Albus, then headed toward my room...
"Hey there, Master."
"Black Saber?"
"You’re calling me that strangely too..."
"S-sorry, if that bothered you..."
"It’s fine. There are more than a few of me in Chaldea, so calling me that is efficient, in a way... In any case, are you truly fond of that man?"
Her question sounded more like an interrogation than concern.
"I like him. But even if it can’t be, that’s okay. Just traveling with him while carrying this feeling makes me happy... Parting will be sad, though..."
I can’t bring myself to confess this feeling to him. He doesn’t have much time left as it is, and if he learned how I feel, he’d suffer terribly.
"...Foolish. But I won’t call you weak. Love takes many forms, after all..."
Black Saber said no more and left.
"""
The woman, having just heard the girl’s answer, felt an unfamiliar pang of sympathy.
"Love really is a dreadful curse..."
The girl reflected in her eyes overlapped with the knight she had once admired in the past.
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