Plop.
Drip-drip-drip.
Plip.
Drip-drip-drip-drip-drip...
Ssshhhhhhhh...
“........”
I’d been struck hard on the head.
That was all.
My head was still under [Hardened Body], so it wasn’t a serious blow.
But.
Because of that, I stopped.
I managed to stop my hand before I drove it in and did something I could never take back.
Ssshhhhhhhh...
Rain—maybe a shower, maybe not—came pouring down.
In the midst of those merciless rain lines, I collapsed.
Thud.
“...Wh-what... did I... do?”
My hands were trembling like a newborn fawn’s.
I couldn’t even clench my fists.
My kneeling legs had gone limp, and I couldn’t get back up.
The world kept looking like it was shaking.
I couldn’t even tell what I was focusing on anymore.
“...Ugh, hnnk.”
A burning sensation started rising from my stomach, then surged back up my esophagus and burst out.
“Grrruuuuuugh...”
I vomited up everything inside me.
And then vomited again.
It was so disgusting.
I had been swallowed by instinct and betrayed my own resolve.
“Kh... hhh... uu... u...”
...I didn’t know anymore.
What was running down my cheek, dragged by gravity—rainwater or something else?
Or maybe both.
I couldn’t put any strength into my body.
My head was spinning.
I was in pain.
In the end, even my upper-body muscles gave out, and I barely stopped myself from pitching forward by bracing on my arms.
I couldn’t get up.
I couldn’t even lift my head.
I had no right to.
“...I swore I wouldn’t kill humans... so what the hell is this mess...?”
If.
If Snake Pattern hadn’t struck my head with that martial arts blow.
If I hadn’t stopped.
I would have.
I would have committed my second murder in my life.
Would it have become easier after that?
Once.
Then twice.
After twice, three times.
I would have grown numb to it.
It was obvious as day.
“........”
Yeah.
Honestly.
If I felt wronged, then sure, I had reason to feel wronged. I wouldn’t deny that.
I already knew.
They had wanted to kill me from the very beginning.
I’d already felt killing intent more times than I could count.
I’d also learned that killing intent could be passive or aggressive.
Their—especially the gatling human’s—aggressive killing intent had been thick.
But I still tried to endure it.
In the end, it was them who kept scratching and scratching until they wore down my patience.
They were the ones who struck first, too.
And yet.
“........”
I stared blankly at the humans lying collapsed on the ground.
It was luck that I hadn’t killed them.
The gatling human, who’d been swung like a baseball bat and collided with the kendama, was still breathing.
The skintight one hadn’t taken a major hit in the first place.
As for Snake Pattern... his internal organs had ruptured, but he was alive.
It was really just luck.
In other words.
If I hadn’t been lucky, I would have killed them.
Just like I did when killing monsters, without a second thought.
“........”
But even so.
I was already a monster.
The monsters’ screams only now came back to me clearly.
They had been faintly obscured, as if fog had settled in my head.
Maybe I had hidden them on purpose.
I realized quickly that I had long since become the beast I’d never wanted to be.
I killed and killed.
All of them, without distinction—belligerent monsters who charged at me, and possibly harmless monsters who were trying to flee.
I tore flesh.
I broke bones.
I burst organs.
I ripped into meat.
I chewed.
I swallowed...
That wasn’t all, was it?
I enjoyed it.
I enjoyed their pain, their screams.
I enjoyed the expressions on their faces as they sank into despair.
That was...
So much like the monsters I’d killed until now.
Once again, dizziness washed over my head.
A thought I should never have had surfaced.
I’d already done that with monsters.
“Wouldn’t it just be the same if the target changed to humans? Then there’s no reason to feel guilty, right?”
...Hoo.
I knew for certain my mental state was a complete mess.
So.
I clenched my fist hard.
Thwack—BOOOOM!!!
“...Agh.”
I slammed it straight into my cheek.
Immediately, I felt the bones break and the muscles burst with vivid clarity.
My vision twisted.
What surged up was a fierce pain.
The pain of having my face caved in really did hurt.
But.
For weak me, it was far too merciful a pain.
What do you mean, it’s just humans now?
What do you mean, there’s no need to feel guilty?
I clenched the other front paw into a fist and drove it into my abdomen.
KWAAAANG!!
“Hup, gh... ugh...”
Maybe because I’d already vomited everything in my stomach.
What came spilling out of my mouth, with no stomach acid left at all, was bright red blood.
I hate pain.
But.
My stupid head couldn’t think of any way to fix this pathetic mind of mine besides this.
This time.
My shoulder.
KWAAAANG!!
From the start.
I had possessed an attitude I should never have had.
I thought I’d overcome arrogance, but...
Were the things I’d done over the past few days not arrogance after all?
KWAANG!!
Every time I saw monsters, I charged at them.
And in such a short time, I had killed hundreds of them.
I fought, and I won.
Because my opponents were all low-rank.
I’d only been slaughtering weak opponents.
If even one [high-rank] had been mixed in among them...
CRACK!!!
Would I really have been able to notice and avoid it, me—so consumed by arrogance and with nothing in sight?
Would I have had the luxury of sitting here and blaming myself like this?
At the very least, I would have suffered a fatal wound. If it was bad enough, I might even have died.
An [high-rank] monster was that kind of existence.
If that were truly the case, then if not arrogance, what else could it be but the harm caused by arrogance?
KRAKAKAKAKAK!
“...Ugh, sob...”
A pain so intense it turned my mind white arrived all at once.
Cold rainwater seeped into my wounds, doubling the pain and sting.
But.
More than any of that.
I just felt small and weak.
“........”
It was a different kind of helplessness from when I met Vaccine Man.
I can’t even beat my own instincts.
What meaning is there in getting stronger fast like this?
What’s strong about something that’s hard on the outside but soft on the inside?
I was still trembling, just like I had when I met Vaccine Man.
“...Maybe that’s why?”
I began to think it might not have been arrogance at all.
Maybe.
I.
Maybe I was just a brat who wanted to prove something to myself.
That I wasn’t powerless or weak like I’d been back then anymore.
That I was strong now.
...I’d already learned from the monsters I’d seen that a mindset like that was good for nothing.
“...........”
My wounds were regenerating quickly.
I laid the collapsed humans down inside a broken rock hollow and walked through the cold rain.
Come to think of it, this was probably the first time my body had ever been washed by water.
How cruel.
Feeling the blood, organs, and chunks of flesh dried onto my body being rinsed away, I just kept walking.
At the very least, I didn’t want to stay on this mountain any longer.
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