Everyone has something precious. Its scope is so broad it could be a person, an animal, or merely an object. Perhaps there are people who cherish everything around them.
But priorities always exist. The Trolley Dilemma is a thought experiment that makes one unconsciously assign such priorities. If the person on the tracks has no connection to oneself, is there any reason to leave family tied on another track and save that person? No. One might feel guilt or a sense of sin, but in that situation, there's no reason at all to save a stranger over family.
It was a flaw in the experiment. People all saved those connected to them and did not save others, even if they were many. So the creator of the experiment added a new setting.
What if the two experimental groups placed on the tracks are both precious to the subject? Who would they save?
'The one with higher priority.'
Saori, who became the subject of the experiment, chose the Squad and turned her back on Kenji. To her, the Squad's priority was higher than Kenji's. It's natural. Can the value of people lived with like family for many years be the same as someone lived with for just a few months? Even if the feeling of affection for each individual is the same, the weight of four people and one person cannot be equal. So Kenji didn't resent Saori either.
Instead, he pitied her. The Trolley Dilemma isn't an experiment about choosing who to save. Rather, it's an experiment about choosing who to kill. As a thought experiment, it didn't require a great sense of ethics, but the moment that becomes reality, a person wouldn't be able to maintain their sanity.
It wasn't an ordeal a mere teenage girl should face. So Kenji decided to lessen the guilt that would weigh on her shoulders.
"When I first met you guys, I thought, what the hell are these beggars."
Under an awning that looked like it would blow away if the wind blew. Kenji and Saori were having a conversation with their shoulders tightly pressed together to avoid the rain. The sound of rain quietly filled the spaces between their voices, and the cries of cats added color to the reminiscence.
"Frankly, it was understandable. You were rummaging through a trash can. Looking for food."
"……We were hungry. The only thing we ate at the time was moldy bread. And that was from a week before."
"How did you eat that? I would have rather starved."
"It just…… became edible. I didn't know if a person could live eating such things until I ate it."
The environment in Arius is poor. There were no proper stores, and things like restaurants or grocery marts were unthinkable. Moreover, since they didn't even engage in slaughtering or farming, the only ways to get food were rotten food brought from outside and left to rot, or the supplies provided once a month. Those supplies weren't proper food either.
So they picked up and ate moldy bread. Simply to survive.
Still, well, it was edible. I don't know what I thought at the time, but thinking back now, it was. I don't even remember what proper taste is like. I only remember it was awful and that my stomach twisted after eating it.
"You probably know, but Hiyori is pickier than you'd think. She likes expensive things and doesn't eat cheap food well."
"That's true."
"That Hiyori ate that moldy bread very well. Believe it?"
"……."
"She must have had no choice. She was starving to the point her belly skin stuck to her back. Everyone was like that at the time. I was no exception."
Saori muttered that while looking up at the dark clouds pouring rain. Kenji paused briefly, then chuckled and uttered.
"So, how was the first chicken and pizza you tried? Did everyone like it?"
"It was heavenly. To the point we wondered if such delicious food existed. Everyone ate while smiling."
"That's a relief."
Kenji nodded and murmured. With that, the conversation cut off. An awkward silence lingered around the two.
Both know. That the content of the conversation just shared is merely a beautiful memory that cannot be realized from now on. That only one person can return from this place. Both knew. They tried to lighten the mood a bit by talking, but ultimately, it was marking time.
Saori fidgeted with the pistol handed to her by Kenji. Kenji let out a hazy white breath with a distant expression.
It was fortunate that it was at least raining. If they had just stood still without any sound, their heads would have been a mess. The quietly echoing rain sound was clear and simultaneously helped organize thoughts neatly.
"When I first went to Arius."
Kenji broke the silence. The softly resonating voice, this time, went between the rain sounds. Saori's gaze turned toward him.
"My goal was simple. I just wanted to screw over Beatrice."
"……The Madam? How?"
"That bitch isn't as strong as you think. Frankly, if I just set my mind to it, I could tear her apart on the spot."
It wasn't arrogance. Kenji actually had the power to do so, and if not for the contract, he would have torn Beatrice to death the moment he faced her.
"She's lucky, that bitch. If there weren't some means blocking me, that bitch would already be dead."
"……."
"But…… well, it's fine. Thanks to that, I met you."
Kenji looked back at Saori. Their gazes clashed in the air.
"Honestly, when I reunited with you. I intended to use you. Things like your rank that seemed higher than others at a glance, Beatrice's greed of not wanting to let you go, looked extremely attractive to me. I thought if I used it well, I could screw over Beatrice and achieve my goal too."
"……If that's the case, wouldn't treating us harshly have been better?"
"How could I do that."
Kenji held back a bitter smile and tapped Saori's head.
"What have you done wrong to me, to treat you harshly? That's trashy. I want to be a decent human being at the very least."
"……."
"Or, would acting like such trash have been better for you?"
"No."
An immediate answer. As if she regretted saying it, Saori continued with a slightly embarrassed expression.
"……That's not it."
"Right?"
Kenji giggled and stroked Saori's head. Even though the rain-soaked hat should have been uncomfortable, he paid no mind and soothed her with his large, rough hand.
"Anyway. After that, I hung out with you under the hollow title of instructor. As time went on like that, gradually…… the existence called 'you' grew inside me."
Mika. Seia. Nagisa. Precious ones. Invaluable bonds that couldn't be traded for anything, treasures that wouldn't change in the future. But lost them. Severed them myself. From some point, my chest seemed to become empty, and I often mimicked emotions. I laugh because those around me laugh, cry because they cry. The only emotion felt intensely was anger. The rest were faint and hollow.
In the midst of that, I met the Squad. The kids I initially regarded merely as tools began filling my empty chest and made me feel genuine emotions. That must have been when it started. When I started thinking I didn't want to lose these kids. When I resolved not to repeat the same mistake.
Kenji gently closed his eyes and held a soft smile.
"Even now, when I close my eyes, they appear vividly. Hiyori's peculiar laugh and face, Misaki's unique expression of grumbling yet granting requests, Azusa humming while cleaning her firearm, Atsuko watering flowers. Saori, your face smiling sincerely before the birthday cake."
"……."
"Each one is vivid. Nothing has faded, and they won't fade in the future either. Because I cherish them."
Kenji said that and looked back at Saori. The rims of her eyes were completely reddened. As if she would burst into tears if just touched, she was biting her lip. Kenji laughed softly, then reached out and wiped her eyes.
"You too. Atsuko too. Azusa too. Misaki too. Hiyori too. All are precious to me. They became so from some point, and I have no intention of letting go."
"……Kkeu-euk……."
"So you must do it. You must save those kids."
"But……."
"I won't die."
Kenji twisted the corner of his mouth and laughed. That laugh seemed both confident and forced to reassure others. Whichever it was, it didn't matter much to Kenji.
"I'm tougher than you think. I've already been shot many times and have many near-death experiences. So there's no way I'd die from a mere bullet you fire."
"……H-heu…… R-really?"
Saori's mask broke. Her stiff tone disappeared, and she uttered toward Kenji in a voice like a child pleading. Kenji grinned and nodded.
"Really. Don't you trust me?"
"……I trust you. I trust you……."
"Good. So don't hesitate. It's something that must be done."
Kenji guided Saori's trembling hand to his abdomen. Screech, her finger was placed on the trigger following Kenji's guidance.
"Someday, when a good opportunity arises. I'll come to meet you again. Wait. I'll definitely come find you."
"Kkeu-euk…… Heu-eu……."
"Take good care of those kids. They're kids who genuinely follow you. Don't hide this incident either, tell everyone. Building trust is hard, but breaking it takes a moment. You must hold the center well. Lies will be the beginning of that collapse. Only sincerity and truth can protect everyone. Remember. Understood?"
Saori nodded slowly while shedding tears drop by drop.
"Good. Last thing to say."
Kenji muttered with a bright smile.
"What is our doctrine?"
"Th-there is…… Heu-euk…… nothing futile in this world……."
"Right, like those words, this current affair isn't futile either. It's merely a cornerstone for the future."
"You'll really, really come back? I don't need to worry?"
"Of course. Don't worry and live well. That's good for me too."
Kenji wiped Saori's tears with his hand, then pressed his forehead against hers.
"I care a lot for you. Damn student. When we reunite later, become someone who can walk around proudly with your chest out. Got it?"
"Ung…… I-I will……."
"Good."
Kenji reached out with an empty hand and tightly gripped Saori's hand. In that state, he looked at her. Saori cried like a child, then bit her lip hard enough to draw blood and pulled the trigger. Kenji closed his eyes and prepared for the pain.
And so.
A gunshot filled the alley.
-Bang!
A burning, searing pain was felt. The bullet advanced and tore through organs, penetrating his back and embedding into the wall. Kenji felt blood refluxing up his throat but didn't spit it out. Instead, he swallowed it. But some blood he couldn't swallow in time leaked out, soon washed clean by the rain, but it didn't disappear quickly enough for Saori not to see. Some even splattered onto her face.
"Se, Sensei……! A-are you alriㅡ"
"I'm fine."
Kenji forced the pain down and answered with a smile. He grabbed Saori's hand, which was trying to move away from his abdomen, and pulled it back.
"Make sure."
"B-butㅡ"
"Beatrice is suspicious. She'll probably watch carefully whether you really dealt with me. So get as much of my blood on the gun as possible. Then she'll judge it herself."
At Kenji's words, Saori bit her lip. Kenji smiled bitterly and gently brushed her lip with his finger.
"Don't frown that pretty face, okay?"
"……."
"Make sure."
Kenji adjusted his breathing and closed his eyes. Saori hesitated briefly, but seeing his trembling lips, she erased her hesitation. He wasn't not feeling the pain. He was just enduring it, feeling the pain fully. So to minimize that terrible time, she shouldn't hesitate anymore.
She tightly closed her eyes.
And so, pulled the trigger again.
-Bang! Bang! Bang!
Three more gunshots erupted. This time, Kenji couldn't withstand the massive impact and slumped against the wall, sliding down. Following that movement, dark red bloodstains were engraved on the wall. The awning blocking the rain didn't wash away the bloodstains smeared on the wall. But the actual owner of that blood, Kenji, was laughing.
It hurts. It hurts like crazy. His lower body already felt numb, and the taste of death lingered in his mouth. It was just three bullets, but as expected, bullets fired by a student with mystery were different. If he didn't concentrate, he felt like he'd pass out right there.
Even so, Kenji laughed. To reassure Saori, he forcibly swallowed the pain.
"This should be enough. Keu-eup, haa. Now go. Say you left me dumped in a corner of Trinity."
"O-okay, so don't talk anymore! The blood……!"
"This much is fine, so don't worry."
Kenji chuckled while leaning against the wall and catching his breath. Then, suddenly remembering something, he spoke.
"O-oh right, it's almost Azusa's birthday, right? The other three also have birthdays in January."
He swallowed the rising blood and continued.
"T-tell them happy birthday. And sorry I can't be with them. Please. I'm asking you."
Saori nodded while shedding tears drop by drop.
There was no more time. Due to the time spent talking with Kenji, the portal back to Arius would close soon. There was no time to look after Kenji here. But Saori hesitated. Kenji spoke toward her.
"Saori."
Though he merely called her name, Saori nodded as if firming her resolve. She stroked Kenji's pale cheek once, then turned and began to leave the alley. After the sound of footsteps faded and eventually became inaudible, Kenji spat out a mouthful of blood.
"Uwek!"
A red lump came out along with blood.
'A piece of organ.'
He leaned his head against the wall and exhaled toward the air. Perfectly timed, the awning barely holding back the rain snapped and fell to the ground. Thanks to that, Kenji was directly hit by the pouring rain while bleeding.
"……Ah."
As he did so, a distorted smile bloomed at the corner of his mouth.
"I miss the kids."
Comments (0)
Please log in to leave a comment. Login or Register