Silence was laid out like a backdrop. The sole echoing footsteps created a harmony, and water droplets falling from the ceiling created ripples in a puddle. Kenji stared at Saori's back as she walked ahead and thrust his hands into his pockets. At the sound of clothes rustling, Saori briefly looked back but soon looked forward again.
Her eyes, visible for a moment, were not normal. No, it wasn't just her eyes that were strange in the first place. Her steps were unsteady, and she sometimes let out gasping sounds or trembling breaths as if holding back tears.
Why she was showing such a reaction, the exact reason was unknown. He could only roughly guess. Either she had heard something from Beatrice and felt an unbearable sense of betrayal, or she didn't want the current situation. It must be one of the two.
Neither was a good direction for Saori. Much less thoughts befitting a child who hasn't even become an adult. It would be a lie to say it wasn't pitiful, but Kenji thought he had no right to hold such feelings.
What was the reason Saori ended up hurting someone? Wasn't it because of the grudge between Beatrice and himself? Saori was just a victim caught up in it. Like a puppet manipulated by strings, she merely stepped onto the stage on behalf of Beatrice. The events unfolding on that stage would stain her with an indelible mark.
He didn't wish for it. But was there another way? Kenji thought as he passed through the catacombs but couldn't come up with a proper plan. Ultimately, to break free from Gematria and act freely, he had to let Beatrice do something to him. Otherwise, it would just be marking time. He would have to remain bound to Arius forever, only watching Beatrice brainwash and manipulate the kids. Mika, Seia, and Nagisa would remain in a state where he could never even meet them again.
That couldn't happen. That future was a future where no one could be happy.
Even if I stayed in Arius, would the Squad blindly follow me? Could I keep Beatrice in check while being in a position where I could never touch her? Could those kids, including Mika, forget me and live happily? Could I say the Mika I encountered last time was in a normal state?
No. Not a single thing. Nothing improves by remaining in this state. Even if something did, it would never be a normal method. The only methods that came to mind now were things like carrying out a massacre in Arius, inflicting wounds on the students following Beatrice's orders. Methods that were radical, ruthless, and inhumane, yet remarkably effective.
'Won't do it.'
He shook his head to shake off the thoughts. He couldn't use such methods. Shouldn't he at least not be ashamed when reuniting with those kids? Freedom gained by killing innocent people—he didn't desire it and couldn't accept it. And realistically speaking, it was also true that the losses from carrying out a massacre would outweigh the gains.
The Arius students aren't fools. Rather, they're stronger than the students outside. Systematic training made each of them soldiers rather than students, and a strict hierarchy strengthened their cohesion. Hoping to remain unscathed while facing many such opponents was an arrogant thought. At the very least, an arm or several organs would be torn apart like paper.
Even if he gained freedom in that state, he'd just struggle and die. Even if he desperately fled, pursuers would follow, and the exits leading out of Arius would be blocked, isolating him. Even if he struggled somehow and killed everyone, if he didn't know the way out, he'd starve to death all the same.
A dilemma. So this was the only way. Kenji let out a deep sigh and looked at the back of Saori's head. She hadn't said a single word since first leaving the residence until now. She sometimes made sounds, but the ends of the notes trembled. Like someone holding back tears.
Kenji didn't bother saying anything to her. Questions like where are we going now, what are you going to say there, would only be poison in the current state. They wouldn't yield a proper answer anyway and would only increase Saori's guilt. So maintaining silence was best for now.
Still, he intended to say what needed to be said. For Saori's guilt, for the Squad.
He had to.
They passed through the catacombs and came out to Trinity. Outside, rain was pattering down. Winter rain made the surrounding air even more freezing, but it was slightly warmer than the chill of Arius by a narrow margin. Still, it was cold, so Kenji fastened his coat to the end and followed Saori.
Because the days had grown short, the world was already submerged in darkness. The dreamlike starry sky was hidden by dark clouds and couldn't be seen, but the evenly echoing sound of rain gently soothed the mind and body. It felt like worries slightly disappeared.
"……."
The silence continued even after coming up to Trinity. The two entered a certain alleyway, avoiding others' eyes. Footsteps, splashing water sounds, and rain sounds mixed within the heavy stillness. Kenji listened to those various sounds and examined the alley.
It wasn't an ordinary alley. A shabby alleyway on the city outskirts, not even used as a shortcut by ordinary people. The drainage pipes were rusted and looked like they'd crumble if touched, and centipedes and spiders climbed up buildings as if avoiding the rain. Spiderwebs seemed to have already been swept away by the rain. Stray cats huddled together under an awning, watching this side warily. Kenji also stared blankly at them, then smiled bitterly and turned his head.
Before they knew it, the two had entered deep into the alley. People outside couldn't see inside at all, and it was a perfect location where they'd only notice if a loud sound occurred. It was only after entering such a place that Saori stopped her steps. Kenji, who had been following her, also stopped on a puddle.
"……."
"……."
The heavy silence felt like it was pressing down on their shoulders. Kenji took his hands out of his pockets and looked at Saori's back. Several minutes passed like that, and soon Saori turned around.
She held a pistol in her hand. She slowly moved her fingers and released the firearm's safety. The sound of metal friction cut through the rain. Until that moment, Kenji didn't open his mouth. Instead, he held back a bitter smile. He had prepared and expected it, but when the fact he secretly hoped wasn't true became reality, a bitter feeling arose.
"……Aren't you going to say anything?"
Saori opened her mouth first.
Her face couldn't be seen. Her lower face was covered by a mask, and her eyes were hidden by her hat. But Kenji looked straight at her and answered.
"What should I say?"
"……'Why are you doing this all of a sudden,' or something. There are many things you could say."
"So you want me to say something like that."
Saori affirmed with silence. Kenji held a warm smile and nodded.
"Alright, why are you doing this all of a sudden?"
"……The Madam threatened me with the lives of Atsuko, Misaki, Hiyori, and Azusa. If I want to save the four of them, kill Sensei. If killing is too hard, make him near-death and drive him out of Arius."
Since it was something he had guessed, Kenji merely nodded. There was no extreme emotional turbulence. Only his killing intent toward Beatrice deepened.
But Saori's voice trembled as if uneasy.
-Click
With a chilling sound, the gun muzzle was aimed at Kenji. Along with that, Saori raised her head, allowing her eyes to be seen. Kenji met Saori's gaze beyond the pistol where raindrops pattered and smiled faintly.
"Why are you crying."
"……You can resent me."
"I won't."
Kenji took one step forward. Saori didn't step back and faced him straight on. Streams of water flowed from her eyes. At the streams too warm to be winter rain, Kenji held back a bitter smile. He didn't want to see her crying, but it seemed impossible. He approached Saori little by little, very little by little. He stopped at a distance where only the other person was visible in his field of view.
Saori is reflected in Kenji's dark eyes.
Kenji is reflected in Saori's bluish-gray eyes.
"……I'm sorry. Really…… really sorry."
Kenji said nothing and peered into Saori's eyes. Thanks to that, he could confirm. He let out a small, deep sigh, then pulled Saori's hand holding the gun and placed it against his own abdomen. A look of panic spread across Saori's face, and Kenji muttered in a low voice.
"Shoot."
"……!"
"Don't hesitate, Saori. It's to save those kids. If sacrificing just me can make it work, I'm willing to do it."
"……But."
"Saori."
Kenji smiled softly, then carefully pulled Saori's finger toward the trigger. Saori was startled and dropped the gun from her hand.
Thud*, the firearm fell to the ground. Ripples formed in the puddle. Saori saw that and looked sharply up at Kenji. But she didn't open her mouth. No, she couldn't. Because his expression was too serious.
"See."
"……."
"You haven't even properly made up your mind yet."
Kenji let out a small sigh and stepped back a few paces. Saori still couldn't say anything and stood there. She didn't even seem to think about picking up the dropped gun.
In her place, Kenji picked up the firearm and said.
"Shall we talk for a bit?"
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