[August 29th] [Weather – Clear!]
I woke up much earlier than usual today. Maybe because Kenji's birthday is soon? Even though I celebrate it every time, my heart seems to beat faster around this time. It's because Kenji hugs me with a smile when he receives a gift! The warmth and scent of Kenji you can feel then is so addictive, how could I not be excited?
Still, I think I'm a bit calmer than last year. Wondering why, after thinking carefully, I concluded it's because I'm with Kenji even normally! At this point, aren't we already newlyweds? The first face I see when I open my eyes is Kenji's, and I sleep looking at Kenji's face right before closing my eyes, if that's not newlyweds, then what? On top of that, I even give him goodnight and good morning kisses, a secret from the others!
Today was the same. I secretly washed while Kenji slept peacefully, then kissed him looking clean. Then Kenji also smiled brightly and kissed me back. Sadly it wasn't a kiss using the tongue, but still, thanks to that, I could have a pleasant morning.
After attending school, I took classes with him. Since it was watching pre-recorded videos, there was no one to point out even if I fooled around. Even if not, there were no other students in the class, so it didn't really matter.
Thanks to that, I could talk with Kenji the whole class time. We whispered that we loved each other, and touched our phones while hugging. Blowing air into his ear and seeing him flinch was also really cute. To the point I want to keep doing it forever!
[August 30th] [Weather – Cloudy…….]
It was a day no different from usual. Waking up with Kenji, playing pranks on each other, then going to school. I sat him on my lap and fondled him the whole class time. But strangely, I wasn't excited. Why is that?
I don't know.
Today was a day for a Tea Party meeting, so after all classes ended, I could meet Nagi-chan and Seia-chan after a long time. Both looked the same as usual. Nagi-chan was expressionless, and Seia-chan looked like she had lost the will to live. The strange thing is, as I stared at them, I felt weird. Since when did the two become like that?
I don't know.
But honestly, isn't it obvious? It's because I have Kenji all to myself, of course. Sorry, but Kenji doesn't like you two, right? It can't be helped.
But why is there pity in their eyes looking at me? Playing the pitiful heroines who weren't chosen? Whatever it was, I didn't like it and raised my voice a little. Kenji was startled, so I quickly sat back down, but my mood didn't improve.
So I provoked them. Kenji will sleep in my arms today too, so you two sleep alone shivering.
Then their gazes grew even darker. Why is that? Before bed, I asked Kenji, but he said nothing.
The reason was unknown.
You know.
Doㅁt youㅣㅁ
[August 31st] [I'll kill her.]
I stopped by a department store with Kenji to celebrate his birthday. Right after, I met a strange woman. A dirty, smelly, ugly, hideous woman. But she smelled like Kenji.
Not a fake scent like from a doll stuffed with hair and nails, but the real scent.
Why?
Why did Kenji's scent come from that woman?
Why?
Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?
I had to know how it was possible. But that bitch didn't answer my question.
That wouldn't do. An arrogant bitch, I disliked her from the moment I first saw her, so I decided to just kill her. I don't know much about how to kill people, but I knew if you can't breathe, you die. So I strangled her. I planned to break her neck bone.
But I was interrupted halfway. A strange person wearing a black mask. Probably the woman's companion, so I took out the firearm slung on my back. But I didn't shoot. I couldn't shoot.
Why? Why? What was the reason?
My emotions were strange indeed. All sorts of thoughts scrambled my head, it felt like an iron skewer was stirring my brain. Just who was that person?
I don't know.
I had to know. But he used some strange technique and disappeared from my sight, taking that damn woman with him. It seemed like running away, but also like turning back to avoid something dirty. But one thing was certain, I shouldn't let that person get away.
So I chased, and missed.
I had to find him. I had to find him and ask. Just who are you to confuse me like this.
Why.
Your stride length is exactly the same as Kenji's.
When you make a fist, you curl it starting with the little finger, just like Kenji.
Why your physique is similar to Kenji's.
Why.
You emit a scent almost identical to Kenji's.
I had to know. I had to grab and ask. But he left, and all that remained was one abandoned woman.
If, if that person is really who I think it is.
This time too, have I been abandoned? Have I become a dirty, hideous woman he doesn't even want to associate with, and he abandoned me?
I hate it.
I hate that…….
I'd rather die than be abandoned.
So come back to me.
Please…….
Nagisa walked with an expressionless face. The Tea Party executive assisting her followed behind with a dark expression.
The further they walked, the heavier the air seemed to become. It was a hallway she usually felt was short, but today it felt incredibly long. Like walking directly into a predator's mouth, she should say. She let out a sigh she didn't know how many times she'd exhaled and matched her walking pace with Nagisa's.
This place.
Is the mansion where the Pater Faction leader resides. Fitting for a faction leader, many various luxuries hung in her mansion. There was a sense of being excessive as a symbol of authority, but it was at a level that could be overlooked. Since she was decorating with her own funds in the first place, criticizing it was also laughable.
But, that large amount of luxury goods was particularly jarring today. Even though she didn't frequent this place often, she had visited a few times, but feeling this displeased was a first. However, whether the cause was really those luxuries or because she came to see her broken friend's state was unknown.
Whatever it was, it probably wouldn't matter much anyway.
Nagisa clicked her tongue and stopped before a door of ordinary size at the end of the hallway.
"Thank you for guiding me."
She spat out in a flat voice. The executive bowed her head apologetically and took a step back.
"It was my duty. More importantly…… will you be alright?"
She didn't ask 'what'. Instead, letting out a small sigh, Nagisa answered.
"I have to. That's why I came."
"……I leave it to you. For us, it's beyond our abilities……"
The executive left the hallway with those final words. Nagisa watched her retreating back, then took a short breath and grabbed the doorknob. The cold sensation of metal transmitted through her fingertips. She hesitated for a moment, but then composed her expression and turned the knob.
The interior scenery that unfolded.
First, a scent wafted over. Mika's unique sweet fragrance, the thick scent of perfume, and a faint yet simultaneously distinct smell of blood dug into Nagisa's nasal cavity.
Next recognized was the room's general atmosphere.
It was dark. Clearly the lights were on, yet the room's atmosphere was as dark as could be.
The originally pink wallpaper had many torn spots here and there. As if scratched by fingernails. On the floor, hardened bloodstains were sporadically distributed, and broken pot pieces, soil, and puddles were messily mixed together.
"……"
At the sight more miserable than imagined, Nagisa drew in a breath and turned her head toward the bed Mika used. That's when she saw it. Beneath the bed, a black doll torn to shreds, damaged to the point its original shape was unrecognizable.
"……!"
Knowing what that meant to Mika, Nagisa couldn't hide her shock.
That was 'Kenji'. More precisely, the Kenji from Mika's delusion. If that was in such a damaged state…… just how broken must Mika be. Nagisa unknowingly contorted her face and shifted her gaze to the bed.
Mika was sitting there. Since her body was turned, her face couldn't be seen, but her torn pajamas, hair as if torn out, hand marks visible on her nape, and dried blood could be seen.
Nagisa bit her lip and slowly approached Mika.
"……Mika."
At Nagisa's voice, Mika slowly turned her head. Meeting that gaze, Nagisa took a sharp breath. She couldn't help it.
Those were the eyes of a madwoman. To the point that just facing them made her shudder, Mika's eyes were dyed with madness. For what reason? After returning alone from the department store three days ago, she stopped eating and drinking and holed up in her mansion, so she had expected something happened at the department store. But what could have happened to make her, who had been maintaining her sanity while fleeing from reality, this broken?
Nagisa couldn't begin to guess the reason.
And, Mika didn't wait until she guessed the reason.
"……Nagisa."
Even forgetting the nickname, Mika spat out. Nagisa's dazed spirit returned clearly. She slightly furrowed her brow and took one more step toward her broken friend.
"Mika. Are you alright?"
Nagisa's purpose in visiting Mika was to soothe her and return her to at least a somewhat normal state. But she hid that purpose for now and cautiously asked about her well-being. The 'are you okay?' that everyone uses. But Mika didn't answer. Instead, she grinned and rubbed the corner of her mouth with her hand.
Thanks to that, she could see.
Her crushed and torn fingers.
"……Wait, Mika, your hand—"
"Was it amusing?"
Mika cut off Nagisa's words. She contorted her blood-smeared mouth corner and laughed. At that insane sight, Nagisa's mouth closed. Regardless, Mika continued speaking with a smile.
"How ridiculous must I have looked in your eyes. Did I seem like a foolish woman? Or a crazy person who can't accept reality and ran away?"
"……"
"Ahaha. It's okay, Nagisa. I also know how stupid I was. I don't know why I only realized it now…… but honestly, it doesn't matter anymore."
Sometimes sweet delusions are better than cruel reality. Mika felt that keenly. Just days ago, she was living a life envied by none, then suddenly fell into hell.
Yes, this place was hell.
"You know, Nagisa."
Nagisa couldn't answer. But Mika didn't give her time to open her mouth.
"If it were you, what would you do if Kenji ran away even after encountering you?"
"……What?"
"Just as the question says. Can you answer me?"
Mika held a saintly, benevolent smile. If only it weren't a smile stained with blood and pus, she would have surely felt that way.
"……"
"Answer me, Nagisa."
"……I…… would endure it."
With difficulty, Nagisa opened her mouth. She was so overwhelmed by Mika that she forgot her purpose for coming to this room immediately.
"Probably…… I wouldn't want to live anymore. If Kenji recognized me but left me behind and ran away, surely that would be the case."
"I see."
Mika grinned and continued.
"Then the emotions I'm feeling must also be justified, right?"
"Huh? What do you—"
Before she could finish speaking. Mika suddenly stretched out both hands and started squeezing her own neck, kuk*. At that sight, Nagisa jumped in surprise and rushed toward Mika.
"What are you doing!? Let go!"
"Kekh, kehek, ah…… hehe, keuk."
"Mika!"
Nagisa grabbed Mika's hands with her arms and pulled with all her might. But Mika's grip showed no sign of loosening. Instead, she began squeezing her neck even more.
"Let this go! Let go right now!"
Nagisa shouted while shedding tears.
After several minutes of struggle, Mika released the strength in her grip. Her body fell forward onto the bed, and her lungs thrashed wildly to get air. Mika's eyes bulged as if blood vessels would burst as she gasped for breath. Nagisa looked down at her, sniffling. But her eyes were venomous beyond measure.
"What the hell are you doing."
"Keheuk, eugeugeuk, haaak……!"
"Answer me. Damn it, answer me!"
Nagisa grabbed Mika by the collar. Mika stared at Nagisa with amber eyes devoid of any light and barely opened her mouth.
"I… I think I met Kenji."
"What?"
"But, Kenji ran away even after seeing me. Without even looking back. As if he encountered something he didn't want to face."
Tears welled up in Mika's eyes.
"I, hate it. I hate it. Why are you running away? What did I do wrong? I…… I just want Kenji to look at me……"
The Mika who smiled consistently had disappeared. All that remained here now was a girl on the verge of breaking and collapsing—no, one who had already collapsed.
"Ah, no, don't go! I had so much to say! So much I wanted to ask, so much I was curious about……!"
"……"
"Th, that's right. It's not Kenji, right? That's why you're running away. Right?"
"……"
"But what if it is? What if it really is Kenji?"
Mika's gaze turned toward Nagisa. She soiled her face with blood, pus, and tears, and burst into sobs.
"If I just die, then will Kenji come back? Will he cry before my corpse? Will he remember me forever?"
"……"
"What do I do, Nagisa……?"
Mika cried like a child. Nagisa couldn't say anything and just looked down at her.
For both of them, today was the worst day.
It has been so until now.
And so it shall be henceforth.
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