"This is insane... Fine, I get it."
"Gryffindor!"
"Okay, thanks! Okay, Gryffindor!"
I set the hat down and turned toward the Gryffindor table.
But then...
Something felt off. Why was it so quiet?
Why were the Gryffindors just sitting there?
"Ahem. Mr. Oppenbach. It is not wise to start using profanity already. You should mind your word choice a little more carefully. Mr. Oppenbach, please remain behind after the feast."
???
What? Did I just yell loud enough to shake the whole hall...?
No, seriously, what was this over one stubborn hat...?
Then Hermione must have heard everything I said...?
Sure enough, when I looked over at the Gryffindor table, Hermione’s face was bright red.
I turned back and apologized to the professor who had spoken to me.
"Yes, sir. I’m very sorry, Professor."
In front of me stood an elderly professor with snow-white hair and half-moon glasses.
Oh no... it’s Dumbledore. Dumbledore, is it? I’m done for...
"Gryffindor, let us give our new student a round of applause."
Slow applause rippled through the frozen hall, then gradually grew louder.
By the time I joined the Gryffindor table, the cheers were thunderous.
"Well, well. What do we have here? A first-year shouting like that at the Sorting Ceremony? Definitely a Gryffindor. / Right, right, that’s one even we haven’t tried yet. Shame the Sorting Ceremony only comes once, or we’d never get the chance."
Ah, Fred and George.
"Hello, I’m Leonard Oppenbach."
"I’m Fred Weasley. / I’m George Weasley. As you can see, / we’re twins."
These Weasley twins seemed to think I was one of their kind, but I wasn’t...
"Harry Potter!"
The noisy hall fell silent again.
Everyone must have been amazed that the famous Harry Potter was joining our school. It was probably like a superstar showing up at a training camp.
The hat dragged things out for a bit, then finally shouted, "Gryffindor!"
Look at that. It sent Harry to Gryffindor without a fuss, so why had it put me through that?
As Harry was sorted into Gryffindor, the table erupted in applause and cheers.
"Ronald Weasley! / Gryffindor!"
Ron joined the Gryffindor table too. The Weasley twins slapped him on the back hard to celebrate.
The Sorting Ceremony ended with Blaise Zabini being placed in Slytherin.
Dumbledore rose from his seat and said, "Welcome to Hogwarts, everyone. Before we begin the feast, I have a few words. Fools, crybabies, and trash. Thank you."
Mm. That’s Dumbledore all right. Never fails to live down to expectations.
Harry asked Percy, "Um... is that man insane?"
"Insane? Harry, Dumbledore is the greatest wizard in the world. Of course he’s insane. Now eat up."
Just as Percy said, the table was soon covered with food. Ron was the fastest of all, grabbing two chicken legs and tearing into them with both hands.
I picked up a chicken leg like the other students and brought it to my mouth.
Mm, the taste was definitely decent.
But what on earth was this menu?
Beef, pork, chicken, lamb, bacon, sausage, steak, boiled potatoes, roast potatoes, fries, mashed potatoes.
It was all meat or potatoes. Where were the vegetables? The pasta? The rice?
You uncivilized British lot! This is the kind of dinner that makes me miss kimchi...
On one side, Nearly Headless Nick was playing pranks on the first-years.
Once everyone was reasonably full, the students began opening up with their own stories.
Seamus Finnigan said he hadn’t known until recently that his mother was a witch.
Right, that kind of thing happens a lot in mixed families. Not many Muggles can easily accept magic.
As I kept eating, I scanned the staff table.
Mm. All familiar faces.
When I looked at Professor Snape, he seemed to notice my gaze too. He looked back at me, then let out another snort.
Beside him sat a pale professor wearing a turban. That was probably Quirrell.
After everyone finished eating, Dumbledore stood again and said, "Now that the feast is over, I have a few announcements to add.
First-years should remember that the Forbidden Forest is forbidden. And a few upper-year students should remember that as well.
Also, Mr. Filch, the caretaker, has asked me to remind you that no magic is to be used in the corridors during breaks.
And the Quidditch team selection trials will be held in the second week. Any student who wishes to join the Quidditch team and bring glory to their house should inquire with Madam Hooch or their house head of house.
Finally, I must inform you that the corridor on the right side of the fourth floor is off-limits this year. If you do not wish to meet a very horrible and painful death, do not go there under any circumstances.
Now then, let us all sing the school song and go to bed!"
Dumbledore waved his wand, and the lyrics appeared in the air. The students began singing with all the harmony of a stampede, and I only pretended to join in.
When the song ended, the prefects of each house began leading their students out of the hall.
"Ah, Mr. Oppenbach, please remain behind."
...Sigh. The old man really does have a poor memory.
I walked toward the staff table with the heart of a lamb being led to slaughter.
Only Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore were left there.
"Mr. Oppenbach. Could you tell this old man what conversation you had with the Sorting Hat?"
"Um... is that important? Is there some kind of problem?"
"No problem at all. I’m simply curious, since I’ve never seen the hat struggle so much to make a decision."
"How long was I wearing it?"
"Ten minutes. A record for all time."
I had worn the hat for ten whole minutes? No, wait, the all-time record was only ten minutes?
"Well... should I tell you the detailed version, or the short version?"
"I can roughly guess the content. So tell me the detailed version.
There are only two reasons the Sorting Hat takes a long time. One is when there are too many suitable houses to choose from. The other is when it thinks you won’t do well in any house no matter where it sends you. In my opinion, you’re the former."
"Yes, that’s right. As you said, the hat told me I’d fit all four houses. To put it more fully, it said Slytherin desires it, Ravenclaw covets it, Hufflepuff loves it, and Gryffindor licks its lips over it."
"Oh? That’s an amusing way of putting it. And then?"
"It wasn’t a funny expression. The hat actually said that. It said the consciousnesses of the four founders left inside it were all clamoring to send me to their own houses."
"I see. It was that serious? I’m looking forward to your school life, then. And after that?"
"The hat said I’d do well in any house, but that I suited Slytherin best, so it tried to put me there. But I wanted Gryffindor."
"I see. But when there are multiple choices, the hat usually sends a student where they want to go."
"The thing is, it kept trying to force me into Slytherin. I think I asked it to send me to Gryffindor a hundred times, but it wouldn’t listen to a word I said, so I got angry and shouted. That’s what happened. I’m sorry again. Um... will I lose points for this?"
"Ah, don’t worry, Mr. Oppenbach. Strictly speaking, that happened before you were sorted into a house. So there’s no house to deduct points from, is there?"
Honestly, I didn’t care about the House Cup at all. If anything, Dumbledore would probably just hand out points later in some camp-training meta way.
Still, I didn’t want Hermione to see me getting points taken away on my very first day.
"But I suppose the reason you wanted Gryffindor was that girl you mentioned earlier?"
"Sigh... yes, that’s right. I’m afraid of what she’ll think of me..."
"Ho ho, don’t worry. Looking at your face, you remind me of my younger days. You’re quite handsome, so I’m sure that girl won’t think badly of you."
What the hell, is this old fool Dumbledore?
It was fine to insult Hermione as a looks-obsessed airhead. That was true, after all.
But I couldn’t stand anyone insulting Hermione as a looks-obsessed airhead!
Come to think of it, this old man was surprisingly full of himself too. Well... he really was handsome.
"It’s late, so you should get to bed, Mr. Oppenbach. Minerva, please take this child to the Gryffindor common room."
"Yes, Headmaster. Mr. Oppenbach, follow me."
Professor McGonagall called me over.
I bowed to Dumbledore and followed after Professor McGonagall.
"The paths of Hogwarts are very complicated.
The staircases connecting each floor move from time to time, sometimes blocking a traveler’s way and other times helping them reach their destination at just the right moment. Some staircases only move at certain times, so you must pay close attention.
I’ll escort you tonight, but starting tomorrow, you’ll have to find your own way."
"Yes, Professor."
Following Professor McGonagall’s lead, we soon arrived at the Gryffindor common room.
The entrance was blocked by a portrait of the Fat Lady, and when Professor McGonagall gave the password, the lady opened the door.
"As you just heard, you need a password to enter the Gryffindor common room. The password changes periodically, so be sure to learn the new one each time. Today’s password is Caput Draconis."
"Yes, thank you, Professor. Have a good night yourself."
"Very well, Mr. Oppenbach. Sleep well."
I went into the common room and checked the layout inside.
At about eleven o’clock to the left was the staircase leading to the boys’ dormitory, and at about one o’clock on the opposite side was the staircase leading to the girls’ dormitory.
Then I’d be taking the left one.
Still, I’d expected to get scolded by Professor McGonagall, so this was a relief. No matter how I looked at it, I really had been in trouble...
Well, whatever. As long as I didn’t get scolded, it was fine.
When I went to the room I’d been assigned, Ron, Harry, Neville, Seamus Finnigan, and Dean Thomas were still awake and waiting.
"Why are you all still up waiting?"
"Because we were worried you’d get in trouble with the professors."
Ron, you good little bastard. So you had finally learned something.
"So what did they say? Did you get scolded?"
"No, they just called me down because they were curious what the hat said to make it take so long."
"Oh, that’s what we were wondering too. So what did the hat say? I just picked it up and it went, ‘Oh, another Weasley, nothing to see here, Gryffindor!’ and sent me straight to Gryffindor."
"Um... to put it simply, it said Slytherin desires it, Ravenclaw covets it, Hufflepuff loves it, and Gryffindor licks its lips over it?"
"That’s such a weird and funny way to say it. But somehow, I feel like that fits you. I think you’ll be the best in our year."
What nonsense. Top of the class is obviously Hermione.
I asked Harry, "Harry, you took quite a while too. What did the hat say to you?"
"Um... I just..."
"Hmm, should I guess? It probably said you’d do well in any house, but that Slytherin suited you best?"
"?! Did you do that again?"
"No. I just took a shot because it seemed likely. Judging by your reaction, I was right."
Teasing Harry, who knew nothing, was surprisingly fun.
"Don’t worry, Harry. Going to Slytherin doesn’t mean you’ll automatically become a criminal.
I don’t know what Ron’s been telling you, but the virtues of Slytherin are ambition, cunning, and honor, not murder, rape, and arson.
You lot, listen too. You think I’m not talking about you, but you need to hear this as well.
Do you think Gryffindor has no wisdom? That Hufflepuff is just hardworking and nothing else? That Ravenclaw is full of nothing but bookish prigs?
No. Slytherin has courage too, Ravenclaw has courage too, and Hufflepuff has courage too.
Likewise, our Gryffindor isn’t made up of idiots with nothing but courage. If courage is all you have, that’s just recklessness.
The reason you all shudder at Slytherin now is that, over a thousand years, the virtues your founders valued have been twisted.
Slytherin came to despise Gryffindors who go around showing off courage everywhere, and Ravenclaw came to sneer at Hufflepuffs who can’t find creativity even if they scrubbed their eyes raw.
Gryffindor emphasized courage for a reason, but over time that reason was forgotten, and all that remained was the fact that he emphasized courage.
So first-years came to think that since they were in Gryffindor, they had to be brave, or that they were brave, and they showed off that trait without restraint.
After that, new Gryffindor students saw their seniors acting that way and thought it was a virtue, and that’s how it’s continued for a thousand years.
Harry, if you went to Slytherin, you wouldn’t be the Harry I know."
"No, I’d still be Harry Potter no matter what house I was in."
"Exactly. A person’s nature can’t be one hundred percent courage. If you’re 26 courage, 25 wisdom, 25 diligence, and 24 ambition, then you’re Gryffindor.
There’s no way someone who ends up in Gryffindor has no wisdom, no diligence, and no ambition at all.
I hope you all realize that and spend the rest of your school life with a more open mind."
"Oh... you really do say impressive things. Nice to meet you, I’m Seamus Finnigan."
"Hello, I’m Dean Thomas."
"Nice to meet you too. I’m Leonard Oppenbach. Let’s all do our best for the next seven years.
Anyway, it’s late. Time for everyone to sleep. If you oversleep, you might be late for class tomorrow morning. Surely you don’t want to be late for our Head of House’s class, do you?"
"Oh, right, Leonard, your things are by your bedside."
"Oh, really? Thanks."
"No need to thank us. We didn’t do anything. The house-elves moved everything."
"Ah, right. Hogwarts has house-elves too. Anyway, good night, everyone. Sweet dreams."
I finished speaking and got into bed.
It was too late at night to train now. If I tried, I might actually end up late for Professor McGonagall’s class.
So tonight, I had no choice but to sleep.
If it weren’t for that damn senile old man, I could probably have squeezed in about ten minutes somehow...
And how am I supposed to face Hermione tomorrow...
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