[Harry Potter] The Prophet of Hogwarts Who Never Makes Prophecies*

"Describe Leonard Offenbach in a single word?" Hmm... It's hard to define him with just one word. Ah, I can make it longer? Then I'd say this: He was my closest friend, a dependable older brother, and sometimes even a strict father figure. He nagged me from time to time... but looking back now, every word he said was for my own good. Ah! Let me add one more thing. He was my... — Harry Potter "Leonard in one word? I can make it a bit longer, right?" Hmm... Leonard was my best friend and the savior of the Weasley family. Sometimes I thought he nagged a little too much... but I suppose all of that was simply part of what made Leonard who he was. Ah! One more thing. He was my... — Ron Weasley "Describe Ren in a single word? That's not difficult at all." My beloved husband, my lifelong partner. And... the lighthouse and compass of my life. Lastly, he was my... — Hermione Granger "What? You want to know what kind of bloke he was? A downright hilarious one." What's so funny about him? Well, the idiot actually told me he wanted to live a long, uneventful life! Puhahaha! Isn't that ridiculous? You think so too, don't you? See? That's exactly the kind of fellow he was! — The Sorting Hat Excerpt from The Biography of Leonard Offenbach.

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