Noon brought a brief break.
It was the gap while the researchers, including Dr. Ross, stepped away to prepare for the next schedule.
They would probably be gone for no more than ten minutes, but I wasn’t about to waste that opening.
The room where the children waited for the next experiment was at the end of the hall, in the opposite direction from where the researchers had gone.
I naturally picked up the record sheet and walked down the corridor.
Anyone watching would think I was just moving around.
Then I stopped casually in front of the door.
Through the glass window, I could see the two children inside.
Alfred was sitting in a chair with both hands folded on his knees, staring down at the floor, while Alexia sat beside him in the same posture as before, looking straight ahead.
But just before I went in, the moment my hand touched the doorknob, I heard a voice from inside.
It was Alfred’s. Small and careful.
I was about to knock, then stopped and simply listened.
"Alexia."
"Yeah."
"You weren’t scared this time either...?"
A brief silence followed.
"Hmm... not at all."
Alfred was quiet for a moment.
"...Really? Even the shots?"
"Yeah."
"And the electricity? It felt worse than last time today."
"Yeah."
I heard Alfred let out a quiet sigh.
"Lucky you."
Alexia said nothing.
A little silence passed.
Then Alexia spoke softly.
"Still, you held out well today too."
Alfred didn’t answer.
"You cried really hard last time. Today you didn’t cry at all."
Alfred was quiet for a moment.
Then he muttered in a small voice.
"...That’s because Father was beside me."
Alexia said nothing.
Another brief silence followed.
"If Father hadn’t been there, do you think you still wouldn’t have cried?"
Alfred seemed to think about it for a moment.
"...I don’t know."
"Then that’s enough."
I couldn’t quite make sense of the conversation, but I supposed it was enough for the two of them.
I quietly knocked and opened the door.
Both children looked at me at once.
Alfred’s eyes widened slightly.
"Father, how long have you been here?"
Before I could answer, Alexia spoke first.
"For three minutes. Since the hallway window."
Alfred’s eyes went round.
"...Then you heard everything we said? Even that I didn’t cry because Father was there?"
I gave a short, reluctant nod.
Alfred’s ears turned a little red.
Alexia saw that and lifted the corners of her mouth slightly, letting out a small snort without saying a word.
"That kid really does have a stubborn streak sometimes."
I spoke in a low voice and checked the door once more.
The corridor was still empty.
After making sure no one was nearby, I crouched down in front of the two children.
"Are you both all right?"
Alfred hesitated, then nodded.
Alexia also nodded without saying anything.
"There are still a few things left. And to be honest, this part is going to hurt quite a bit. So if it gets too hard, you can say so."
Alfred nodded.
Alexia met my eyes briefly, then looked away.
A short silence passed.
Alfred spoke first.
"...I’ll try hard to endure it."
It wasn’t some grand declaration.
Just a short, calm sentence.
But inside those words was a promise to trust me and make it through the day.
Alexia still said nothing.
She only shrugged and lightly flexed the hand resting on her knee.
She didn’t say much, but I thought that was how she showed resolve.
I gave each of the children a brief pat on the shoulder.
"Hold on a little longer. I’ll be beside you later."
Then footsteps sounded in the hallway.
I naturally stood and picked up the record sheet.
Dr. Ross opened the door and, seeing me, bowed his head.
Then he glanced around the room and paused for a moment.
"Sir, you were here?"
"Yes. I stopped by to check their condition briefly. The first half of the schedule is done, so I thought it would be best to confirm whether there were any changes in their condition."
Dr. Ross looked at me for a moment.
Was he suspicious, or just confirming it? I swallowed dryly, just in case.
"I see. No abnormalities?"
"None."
Dr. Ross gave a short nod and wrote something on the record sheet.
"The afternoon examination is ready, sir. Then we’ll move on to the next schedule."
"Very well."
It had been a brief meeting.
I sincerely hoped it had been at least a little encouraging for the children.....
The next procedure was X-ray.
It was a test that ended once they stood still in front of the machine.
When Alfred stood before the large device, his eyes widened briefly before settling again.
Alexia glanced at the equipment once, then simply stood there.
And that was all.
At least this gave them a little room to breathe.
But the next part was the problem.
Right after that came local anesthesia and an incision biopsy.
The moment Dr. Ross took out the scalpel and biopsy tools, my breathing unconsciously grew shallow.
Again, Alfred was first.
While the assistant disinfected Alfred’s skin, Alfred just sat there motionless.
His gaze stayed fixed on the drab wall of the operating room.
It looked like he was deliberately trying not to look at the awful instruments.
Before long, the local anesthetic injection was prepared.
Dr. Ross said briefly, "It may sting."
Alfred said nothing.
The moment the needle came near, Alfred squeezed his eyes shut.
His expression twisted badly, then gradually settled.
He had barely managed to endure the ordinary shot, and now he was gritting his teeth through an anesthetic injection that hurt even more.
As proof of that, there was a clear mark where he had bitten his lip hard.
And yet the child endured the pain.
Just to keep one promise he had made to me...
A brief silence fell while the anesthesia took effect.
That silence only made everything heavier.
Because we all knew what was coming next.
And before that ominous feeling could even fade, the scalpel was taken out.
The moment Alfred saw it, his gaze froze.
Then he shut his eyes tightly again.
His hands clamped hard around the edge of the operating table.
He was gripping so hard that even here, I could see the tendons in a five-year-old’s hands standing out.
I couldn’t stand it anymore and stepped forward.
This was too cruel.
Even with anesthesia, how could they not even provide a screen?
Or were these psychopaths such perverts that they got off on a child feeling fear?
Alfred reached out without opening his eyes.
He was probably reaching for my hand by instinct....
I could feel Dr. Ross and the others watching, but I didn’t care.
I let my fingers touch the hand that was thrashing around for something to hold.
Then the incision began.
Alfred’s hand clamped around my fingers.
He squeezed so hard I could feel the blood leaving my fingers.
Even with the anesthesia, it seemed the pressure of fear and phantom pain was still getting to him.
His hand kept tightening around my fingers.
But I didn’t pull away.
I said nothing, just stayed beside him.
And I felt sorry that this was all I could do.
I hadn’t realized how heavy it would feel to be unable to shield him.....
After some time, the biopsy was done.
In the forceps held by Dr. Ross was a piece of bright red flesh and tissue.
Once the suturing was finished, the strength slowly left Alfred’s hand.
Alfred slowly opened his eyes.
His eyes were wet.
But he still didn’t cry.
Small sniffles could be heard, but he was forcing the emotion back down.
Perhaps because he realized he was still holding my hand, his ears turned slightly red.
Someone among Dr. Ross’s group must have seen it, but no one said a word.
It didn’t matter what they said, at least not now.
"Is it done?"
His voice was a little hoarse.
"This part is done."
Alfred quietly nodded and withdrew his hand.
Then he looked at me for a moment.
He said nothing.
But that look was enough.
The fact that this child had reached for me first still lingered in my mind.
But it wasn’t over yet.
Dr. Ross wrote something on the record sheet and said briefly to the assistant, "Prepare the next step."
For them, it was just the next item on the list.
The pain Alfred had just gone through would not be written anywhere on that record sheet.
I let out a quiet, weary sigh.
This reality was just too cruel... I felt like I could simply close my eyes and shut it all out.
What came next was a spinal fluid collection.
And before the next stage, general anesthesia was scheduled.
While Dr. Ross began preparing the anesthesia, the atmosphere in the room changed.
As the general anesthesia was being prepared, Alfred lay curled on the cold operating table, staring at the wall.
The child’s eyes trembled, and his body shook slightly.
It was like watching a small animal shiver.
He had barely gotten over one major hurdle, and now another one was coming, so of course he would be terribly anxious.
I walked over to Alfred and spoke softly beside the operating table.
"Alfred."
"Yes."
"Are you scared?"
Alfred was quiet for a moment.
Then he nodded honestly.
"A little."
Just how much that word could hold today.....
"If you close your eyes, you won’t feel anything. And when you wake up, it’ll all be over."
"When I wake up, will Father and Alexia be there too?"
"Yes, I’ll be there. I promise."
Alfred looked at me for a moment after hearing that.
"It hurt too much earlier. The blood was just pouring out..."
"Yes. It must have hurt a lot."
"But it was okay because Father held my hand."
I was quiet for a moment.
"Next time, I’ll make it hurt less."
Alfred blinked.
"Really?"
"Yes. Really."
I would find a way, no matter what.
That was the promise I could make right now.
Alfred gave a small smile at those words.
It wasn’t a forced smile.
The assistant’s voice came, saying the anesthetic was ready.
I lowered myself and whispered softly into Alfred’s ear.
"Sleep well. Once you close your eyes, it’ll be over quickly. When you wake up, I’ll be here."
Alfred closed his eyes and murmured softly, "...Father."
"Yes."
"I did well today, right?"
I looked at the child for a moment.
"Yes. You did very well."
His eyelids slowly lowered.
As he slept, he was just a five-year-old child.
'What in the world did this child do to deserve any of this?'
The child’s consciousness drifted away, and a sharp needle was driven into his back.
I watched the scene to the end.
I wanted to look away.
But I couldn’t.
Because I had to be there to witness this child enduring it.
Even if he couldn’t feel anything right now.
While the needle slowly drew out the spinal fluid, I stood there, breathing steadily.
My hand had clenched into a fist on its own.
The spinal fluid collection was finished.
While the assistant removed the needle and finished disinfecting, Alfred simply slept.
His face was peaceful.
At least the fact that he was under general anesthesia and knew nothing was a small comfort, if one could call it that.
Still, next time would be different.
I would make sure of it.
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