Guardian was kneeling before the Director. The homunculus body that 'The Fierce Cool-Dog' had created for her was quite impressive. Da Vinci mentioned that it could even grow, making it essentially identical to a human body.
Da Vinci... A gender-swapped lunatic who turned into the subject of their own painting.
It really seems like there are a lot of weirdos among artists.
"I-I mean, if I hadn't said there was no hope in that situation, that Lev guy wouldn't have just stood there, right? Isn't that right? Master, say something!"
"I mean... you're not wrong, but... wouldn't this all have been avoided if you had just kept your mouth shut from the start?"
I was kneeling too. Why? Because I had been relentlessly mocking Cu Chulainn every time I saw him. I had asked for him to be summoned as a Lancer, not a Caster, but Chaldea didn't care and just went ahead with the summoning anyway. And out came a Caster... How could I not tease him for that? So, I teased him as much as I possibly could.
Hehehe... This is so much fun.
"Oh... Great Fierce Cool-Dog... Ah... Aaaah... Aaah!"
I kept teasing him so much that the nickname just stuck to my tongue. I tried to wrap things up and make a run for it, but it looked like I was going to fail... There was no way out.
"I... I'm sorry... Big brother... I was wrong... Please let me off just this once..."
Cu Chulainn let out a long sigh.
"Kid, you've been saying that and then teasing me for five days straight. If you weren't the last hope for the Human Order, I would've half-killed you a long time ago."
"Ooh, how merciful of you, big brother!"
"Knock it off, you brat!"
He whacked me on the head with his staff. It hurt like hell.
Honestly, I wished this situation could just go on forever.
Restoring Singularities is incredibly hard and painful. If I could just play around like this, I felt like I'd be happy for the rest of my life. But I knew I couldn't do this forever.
There was no other way. The Doctor said that everything except Chaldea has already vanished. This place will likely vanish soon too. I have to resolve things before then. Until the next Singularity appears, I intended to enjoy myself as much as possible.
Okita is probably eating ice cream right about now, isn't she?
Yesterday, I was eating one, and she asked what it was, so I gave her my spare. She liked sweet things way more than I expected. I gave her vanilla.
She looked so happy while eating it. I'll have to give her another one if I find more later.
"There's no point in keeping you kneeling like this. Go rest, kid. That's what you need to do right now. When the next Singularity appears, you'll have to put your life on the line again. I'm leaving."
"Ehehe, I'm going straight to my room to play!"
"Hey! Don't leave me behind!"
"You need a bit more of a beating."
Leaving Guardian behind to get thrashed by the tactical baton, I dove onto the bed in my room.
In my dreams, I met Merlin.
I was convinced that Merlin was the reason I had ended up 'eating' the Holy Grail.
"Hi, Merlin."
"Oh, Master's here! How was it? You won easily because I helped, right?"
Merlin greeted me with genuine cheer. Being stuck in that tower alone must have scrambled his brain.
Still, it was thanks to Merlin that I was able to restore the Singularity.
"Yeah, you're right. I restored it thanks to you. If it wasn't for you, I would've lost everything and it would've been game over."
"Calling it a 'game' when you're putting your life on the line... don't you think that's a bit misplaced?"
"What's the difference between a game and reality? If you die, it's over."
At my words, Merlin fell silent.
"Actually, there's something I want to ask. They say I ate the Holy Grail. That happened because of your help, didn't it?"
"That's right. I have no intention of hiding it. I used Hero Creation to help you. But even I didn't know exactly how it would turn out. It's like a rugby ball—unpredictable. For you, it seems to have manifested as the ability to absorb magical energy from external sources. Isn't that a pretty good deal for a Master? It'll reduce the chances of you being at a disadvantage in battle due to a lack of mana."
"But eating the Holy Grail of all things has made things difficult. Normally, you're supposed to restore things by destroying it. Chaldea actually needs that mana, so next time, I'll try my best not to eat it."
"Hmm... You probably don't need to worry about that. Aside from the remaining major Singularities, there will be smaller ones popping up, and they'll have Holy Grails too. If you collect those, you'll have more than enough, so there's no need to worry at all."
"Yeah, now that I hear you say it, that makes sense. I'm going now."
"Huh?? You're leaving already?"
"I've done everything I wanted to do. Asking my questions and saying thanks. I'll come back again."
And so, I pulled myself out of the dream.
"The Great Teacher gave me both the medicine and the poison."
Waking up, I began to wander around Chaldea.
"It's a mess, broken everywhere."
Outside, there was nothing but a blizzard. It was a far cry from when I first saw Chaldea. The interior was in terrible shape. It looked like it was on the verge of collapse.
If they had reflected this in the game—making it so you could gather materials to fix and expand parts of the facility—that would have been great content. I'm sure they could've squeezed even more money out of people that way, like letting them decorate their favorite Servant's room... If I had made the game, I think I would've done a great job.
As I kept walking, I reached the cafeteria. Even calling it a cafeteria, there wasn't much I could eat. My palate had basically turned English. Fucking hell... I really want some pungent, savory Cheonggukjang.
"Uaaah, my taste buds have changed so much that Gukbap doesn't even taste good anymore!"
The only ones eating Gukbap properly were Guardian and Cu Chulainn. No, wait. Cu Chulainn doesn't put in the spicy Dadaegi, so you can't really say he's eating it properly. I suppose the biggest advantage of FGO is that there are no Korean heroes. If they all got gender-swapped, I'd feel like giving them a finger-pistol to the eye.
But looking at Guardian, he really seems like a Korean Heroic Spirit. Is he from the future?
For now, I ate some french fries, a protein bar, and some milk. Since Chaldea was so badly damaged, the cafeteria was in poor condition as well.
"Kid, is that really enough? You should be eating heartily at your age."
"With the inside of Chaldea blown to hell like this, you expect me to eat whatever I want?"
"No one's going to say anything about what you eat, kid."
Well, that's true. But there are many mouths to feed besides mine, and in this situation where we have to make do with scarce supplies, it feels wrong to hog everything for myself. Besides, even the Director, the top authority of Chaldea, is eating this crappy food. How could I do that?
I should make procuring food a priority once a Singularity appears. The current situation is just too bad.
I know the next Singularity is Orleans. I really want Jeanne d'Arc Alter. She's a 5-star Avenger, so having her would be amazing...
—Static... Announcement from the Control Room. Candidate 48... Candidate 48, please report to the Control Room immediately. Static—
It feels just like the military... I'd better head to the Control Room first.
"Is it the next Singularity?"
"No, probably not."
"Huh?"
"They said they're summoning a Servant."
--------------
"Man, these announcements give me PTSD. Is this the army? Huh?"
"Do modern militaries really make announcements like that?"
"Yeah, pretty much. It's exactly the same, right down to the static."
Okita and Guardian had arrived first. Since Chaldea currently had no catalysts, we had no choice but to perform a general summoning.
"Can't we just mumble something and call them? Why is the incantation so long?"
"Exactly. I formed my contract just by saying I wanted to see my mom and dad."
"What? Master, you really said that?"
"Yeah, it was insane. Anyone who heard that kind of desperate scream wouldn't be able to resist coming!"
Guardian was making exaggerated gestures on purpose. You're dead meat, you bastard.
"Guardian, sit."
"I don't want to!"
Guardian snorted.
"By the power of a Command Spell, I order you..."
I used a Command Spell to give the order. Guardian tried to resist but ended up face-planting. Okita saw him falling and stepped aside. Wait, can she really move that smoothly without a single unnecessary motion?
"Pfft... Mommy... Hahaha..."
Da Vinci must have seen the footage, because she was struggling to hold back laughter. I guess it was pretty funny. Sigh... I should've acted a bit less when I said those things.
"So, are the preparations for the summoning finished?"
"Ugh... Argh..."
Guardian groaned in pain.
"You bastard, you're no match for me~"
"Damascus, you really need to watch your choice of words. You said it yourself, didn't you? You promised to follow my lead once we left Fuyuki. You have to keep your word. I don't associate with vulgar people, so fix your way of speaking immediately."
"I also think Master's choice of words is a bit problematic."
"Exactly. You should use kind words~"
The Director, Okita, and Guardian all chimed in. It seemed I had no choice but to fix it. Wait a minute.
"You shouldn't be the one saying that!"
Guardian, that crazy bastard.
Cu Chulainn arrived as well, and we were about to begin.
------------------
"Uh... um... The scales... uh... I don't know."
"Damascus, say it properly! This is an order!"
"This is violence!!"
A Gandr shot flew right past my face.
"Speak. Properly."
"I'm sorry. I'll do it right."
Looking at the Director's expression, I felt like I'd die if I messed around any more. But I really couldn't remember it.
"Could you maybe write it down on a piece of paper? I'm really confused."
"Just beg for your life like you did when you pulled me. No, wait, let me show you a demonstration."
Guardian suddenly knelt down and slammed his head hard against the floor.
"Please!! Please, I beg you!!! It's too hard!! Someone, anyone, please help me!! It's too much, I want to live! I don't care if you make me a footstool, just pleeeease!!"
Director Olga Marie blasted a Gandr into the back of Guardian's head. I knew that would happen, you idiot.
"Uh... Should we just go ahead with the summoning, Director?"
The Doctor spoke up. He must have been uncomfortable; this kind of chaos isn't exactly common.
"Hmm. Kid, I'm of the same mind as Guardian. His actions were excessive, but this isn't a Holy Grail War; it's a summoning to save the Human Order. We don't need empty formalities. I think just speaking honestly and fighting alongside a hero who responds is one way to go about it."
Cu Chulainn's words might have been right, but he was out too. I knew he was doing this just to mess with me. I saw the corner of his mouth twitch up for a second.
"By the power of a Command Spell, I order you... Caster, freeze!"
"Wh-What?!"
Cu Chulainn couldn't move an inch.
I plucked off one of Cu Chulainn's earrings and used it as a catalyst.
"Brother, come as a Lancer. I need your help."
Caster Cu struggled to move.
"Humiliation for those who try to screw me over."
I muttered quietly. Then, the summoning circle glowed with light, and Lancer Cu Chulainn emerged.
Da Vinci was desperately holding back laughter, while the Doctor was trembling in fear, asking Magimari how to handle this situation.
"Servant, Lancer. True Name: Cu Chulainn. Oh, kid, you called for me alrea—"
Lancer and Caster's eyes met.
Silence filled the room for about thirty seconds.
Okita sighed, the Director held her head in her hands, Da Vinci burst into laughter, and the Doctor hid behind his chair.
Then, Lancer clutched his stomach and roared with laughter. I did the same. And then Da Vinci joined in.
"""Hahahahahahahahahahaha!"""
Veins began to pop on Caster Cu Chulainn's face.
"I'm in your care, big brother!! Hahahahahaha!"
It was a rare sight—the younger Cu Chulainn mocking his slightly older self.
"Huff... huff... Ahahaha! Ack?!"
I was laughing so hard I had to catch my breath, only to start laughing again, until Caster Cu finally whacked me.
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