"Lord Tsugikuni, what do you think human emotions are?"
There was once a swordsman.
From birth, he had been unable to comprehend human emotion.
He was a specter behind a mask, forced to smile simply to blend in with others.
Because he could not understand people, he was strong.
But because he could not understand them, he was lonely.
He existed on that blank threshold where, failing to grasp humanity, it becomes far easier to turn into a monster.
Yet.
She chose to save people.
Even if she did not understand, she longed to learn.
Even if she could not empathize, she vowed to protect.
Thus, she climbed the pillar and unleashed the first strike of thunder.
The specter, once incapable of empathy, yearned to become human, learned what it meant to be human, and strove to save others.
The lone signpost that guided that ruthless sword specter was a single truth.
"Humans do good deeds."
It was that signpost that led the specter to choose a life as a human.
Because there was an elder who offered that guidance, she was able to live as a human.
Indeed, the reason the specter wished to live as a human lay largely in the circumstances that shaped her.
Gyutaro was no different.
He had neither a signpost nor an elder to guide him.
He was never given an environment in which his goodness could blossom.
He became a Demon simply because, in that living hell, it was the only way to survive.
He hadn’t become a Demon by birth, but by circumstance.
Gyutaro, people—humans—change.
Depending on the circumstances they are placed in, if they do their best, they might become Demons or they might become people—that is the nature of humanity.
A merciless sword specter can transcend her environment and become a guardian deity who protects humans.
And a person bent on protection, after surviving her environment, can become a greedy Demon that harvests life.
However, even if you wished to become a Demon, you wanted at least your younger sister to remain human.
That is why you are not truly a Demon.
"That is the most human form of greed."
After all, your greed was directed toward your sister’s sake.
You harbored an excessive ambition for the benefit of another.
Therefore, you are the most human of all.
However.
"But what happens if the world you built lacks you yourself?"
The problem is that within that very greed, Gyutaro, you are absent.
You piled up all that greed, and it became Ume.
But in the world built by that greed, the one who constructed it—Gyutaro himself—is missing.
"Even if you keep piling on that greed and harvesting the happiness of others, what good is it if you remain unfulfilled?"
It is nothing more than pouring water into a bottomless jar.
If you fall into the delusion that it will someday be filled and continue greedily capturing lives, you will only end up shunned by everyone.
And that...
"Is that what Ume really wants? For the world her brother built to be missing her brother himself?"
You wouldn’t want Ume to live a life shunned by all, after all.
Gyutaro.
"Do you know why an elder brother is born before his younger sister?"
......
"It is to protect the siblings who come after."
You have fulfilled that duty more than enough.
And you will continue to do so going forward.
However.
"That is why you must not even think of disappearing."
Gyutaro, feeling the weight of his collar released, lowered his head for a moment, then...
"I seeee..."
He continued in his characteristic, drawn-out drawl.
"What do I doooo..."
He demanded answers, as if he knew nothing at all.
"I take what belongs to others. It’s the only thing I learned while living as a human..."
If you don’t know...
"If you don’t know, then learn."
Learn anew from the very beginning.
Build it up again.
As Gyutaro living a second life, you must build yourself once more.
@@@
To learn, he says.
Can I even learn?
Without taking what belongs to others?
Can I suppress this boiling emotion as Gyutaro?
"Don’t stoooop. When I see others happy, my insides twist and turn!"
"They twist and turn?"
He nodded as if that were the case.
I want to take it all.
For we were so wretchedly unhappy.
I want to wage war on the happiness of others to build my own.
Even if my organs twist, my flesh torn until it bleeds, this feeling won’t vanish.
Then with what heart should I learn?
Must I pretend to be virtuous?
And if I fail at that, what then?
He studied me for a moment as if in thought, then, as though recalling something, nodded and continued.
"Then how about thinking of it differently, Gyutaro?"
Think differently?
"This world is a balance scale. Happiness is an extremely relative thing."
Relative?
"Smile. If someone brims with hope, another must fall into despair. So never despair—remain piled high with boundless hope. Do it for the sake of plunging everyone but us into despair."
That is quite...
"Isn’t that villainous...?"
"I don’t think that’s something you, who vows to harvest everything as Gyutaro, should be saying."
Meanwhile, Nari struggled to hold back a smile.
Smile?
That man?
What he just said wasn’t sound advice at all!
I’m already disturbed to death over here.
Watching him try to smile, I found myself gnashing my teeth without knowing why.
"Gyutaro."
Whether he sensed my feelings or not.
"Try it in any way you can. Keep prodding until you find your own path."
He turned his gaze back toward the moon and continued.
"Do not fear choosing the wrong answer. Humans are creatures that commit wrong answers."
"Do not fear choosing the wrong answer?"
What does that even mean...
"Humans always choose wrong answers. They think they've found the right one, but the answers people pick are always wrong. Later, they discover a choice closer to the truth than the one they made in the past, and they regret that they could have chosen a more correct answer."
Humans pick wrong answers that are closer to the truth.
"But even while remembering their mistakes, humans choose wrong answers again. Answers that are closer to the truth than those chosen in the past, yet still wrong. They repeat this, building a tower, and move toward the right answer. That is how humans grow."
And so they build the tower and press onward.
I don’t know if the life I’ve led so far is a wrong answer close to the truth or one that is fundamentally flawed.
He neither affirmed nor denied it.
No matter what answer had been given at the time.
He simply said that, too, must be a wrong answer.
And what I must do is find, within that wrong answer, another wrong answer that is slightly closer to the truth.
Yes. This man is giving me homework.
"Even if you choose a wrong answer again, do not fear. Chew over that mistake, or take a detour on another path. Face the question and propose yet another wrong answer. Then, when you reach a certain point, look back at the path you’ve traveled. It will be most delightful."
He let out a small chuckle, his gaze never leaving the moon.
The answer he gave may itself be a wrong answer.
But to find, within that answer, a wrong answer closer to the truth...
To walk the path of the "closer wrong answer" in a life marked by failure.
I thought that might not be so bad after all.
So I wanted to know.
"Nari... when did you come to understand the role of an elder brother?"
Within that question, I wondered which wrong answer he would choose.
"Hmm. It’s so long ago that I hardly remember."
"Is that soooo?"
"Still, my sibling was far more capable than I, yet there was something lacking."
He smiled at me as he spoke.
"In times like these, the firstborn must lead by example so the sibling does not go astray. It was only when I realized that which I came to know my role as the firstborn."
I looked at him, my eyes widening.
So that my simple-minded little sister would not stray.
So that my simple-minded little sister could live well.
Even if there is no perfect example for a firstborn, whether right or wrong.
Even if it is the wrong example, one must continue to lead by it.
"That, indeed."
How remarkable....
"That was, I believe, the hardest thing about being the firstborn."
I too turned my gaze to the moon and gave a wry smile.
Whether it was the wrong or the right answer, I did not know.
He and I had walked entirely different paths.
Yet to think we both arrived at the same answer as firstborns.
It was most wondrous.
Comments (0)
Please log in to leave a comment. Login or Register