◆◇◆
It was called a family meeting, but in the frigid atmosphere, no one could bring themselves to speak.
It was especially difficult for Rudy and me, children as we were, to intrude on the adults’ conversation as we pleased.
In the midst of that lingering silence, Mother was the first to break it.
"So what are you going to do?"
Unlike when she had slapped Father, she spoke in a remarkably composed voice.
Though a cold chill clung to it, Mother maintained an utterly level-headed demeanor.
"After assisting Madam with her delivery, I intend to leave the estate."
It was Lilia, not Father, who answered. She too was as calm as Mother.
An act that crossed the line between master and maid. Was such a thing common in this world?
Mother and Lilia continued their impassive exchange.
A maid who had slept with her master being cast out as a problem. It had been the same in my previous life.
Such things had happened often in the days of the shogunate as well.
It was a natural occurrence among wealthy merchants and handsome samurai: despite having a wife, they would take another woman into their home.
Back then, there was no clear law requiring a man to have only one wife, and keeping a concubine was not considered a problem.
Of course, one would become the target of plenty of ugly rumors.
"What do you intend to do about the child?"
"I plan to give birth within Fittoa, then raise the child in my hometown."
"Your hometown is in the southern region, isn’t it?"
"Yes."
"After giving birth, with your strength depleted, it will be difficult for you to endure such a long journey."
"...That may be so, but I have nowhere else to rely on."
The place name Fittoa passed between the two women.
This was where our family currently lived, a place in the northeastern part of the Asura Kingdom.
Lilia’s hometown was a small village in Uisil Domain, in the south of the Asura Kingdom, on the opposite side from here.
Once, while we played shatranj at night, I had heard her speak of her hometown a few times.
Whenever she spoke of it, nostalgia filled her eyes with sorrow.
But thinking about that could wait. The present situation came first.
From Fittoa to Uisil Domain was a journey that took nearly a month, changing shared carriages along the way.
And that was only if one called it a month. Taking various circumstances into account, it could easily take another fortnight at the very least.
The Asura Kingdom had good public safety and a pleasant climate. Traveling by shared carriage was not unbearably harsh.
But that only applied to ordinary travelers.
Lilia had no money. Since she remitted most of her wages to her family, there was no way she could afford to take shared carriages.
Which meant she would likely travel on foot rather than by carriage.
Even if my parents gave her travel money as severance pay, allowing her to ride in a shared carriage, that did not change the fact that it was dangerous.
A woman who had just given birth, setting off alone with a newborn in her arms.
Her strength would be gone from childbirth, and if someone seized her child, she would be unable to resist.
How would a crooked-minded man behave if such a woman stood before him?
The answer was obvious. He would immediately attack and rape her.
He could snatch the baby, hold it hostage, and threaten the mother into submission.
After taking all her money and clothes, he might sell them both as slaves, or use them to satisfy himself and then kill them.
No matter how safe this country was, that did not mean crime never occurred.
Especially not in a shared carriage, where all manner of people whose identities could not be verified rode together.
Of course, there was much else to consider.
Even if Lilia had the stamina to survive the journey, could a newborn child endure it?
There was no way an infant could withstand this brutal winter weather.
If the cold caused even a minor illness, death would be unavoidable if she lacked the money to see a doctor.
"Dear, I don’t think that’s—"
"You be quiet!"
Father, a red handprint still marked across his cheek, cautiously opened his mouth, but Mother’s sharp words made him wilt like a child.
No matter that he was the head of the household, after doing wrong, he was hardly in a position to speak with his head held high.
It was only natural. Father had committed adultery.
"..."
Mother, who held the power to decide everything, bit her nails with a conflicted expression.
Perhaps she was agonizing over it because the same thoughts I had were running through her mind.
With a single word, the lives of two people hung in the balance.
For someone weighing human lives, it was not something she could take lightly.
Above all, Mother and Lilia had been very close.
For six years, Lilia had worked alongside her in the household and sometimes served as Mother’s companion. She was a good person.
If Lilia had not been carrying Father’s child, Mother would surely have protected her without hesitation and insisted that she stay in this house with us.
This world had no concept of procedures such as abortion.
If one became pregnant, there were only two options: give birth and raise the child, or kill it.
Mother surely could not conceal her complicated feelings now.
Her love for Father, and her sense of having been betrayed by that love.
Her anger toward Lilia, who had been no different from a friend, and her memories of Lilia as that friend.
All sorts of feelings must have become tangled together within her.
Even so, perhaps one reason Mother could remain calm was Lilia’s current attitude.
Without offering a single excuse, she was trying to bear all responsibility herself.
The responsibility for betraying the household she had served until now.
In a way, she understood it was an unavoidable consequence... only natural.
But ending it like this did not sit right with me.
I made a vow in my heart. I would repay the kindness she had shown me.
Perhaps Lilia’s care for me was merely the work of an ordinary maid.
Even so, to me, she had been more than that.
Whenever I was drenched in sweat from sword practice, she always wiped my body with a wet towel.
Whenever I went outside and was soaked by rain, she prepared hot water in advance.
On cold nights, she prepared blankets. And whenever I was troubled by the embarrassing sounds coming from my parents’ room, she sent me to her room without complaint and let me sleep there.
Whenever I made a mess of my room for magic-circle research, she tidied it neatly.
And above all... above all... she was the benefactor who freed me from Mother’s restraints.
Mother had practically kept me confined in my room while raising me after learning that I was God’s Child. But Lilia tacitly allowed me to go out with Rudy behind Mother’s back, and she told Mother of my talent for magic, winning permission for me to go outside.
To do nothing but watch as such a benefactor was cast out, without repaying her kindness, would be contrary to a samurai’s code.
That night, I had hoped it would end with nothing more than tacit acceptance.
But in the end, things had come to this.
Perhaps I had expected this to happen.
That was why I was able to sit here and watch the situation so calmly.
But I could not keep watching forever.
Perhaps now was the time to repay the kindness I had received.
"Mother, Mother, we’re getting two siblings... so why is the mood so heavy?"
I climbed down from my chair, toddled over like a chick, and tugged on Mother’s skirt as I spoke.
To look as childlike as possible, I spoke with innocent, clear eyes, as though I knew nothing at all.
"Because the two of them did something they should not have done."
Mother tried to temper her anger as much as possible, answering with a sigh.
Even so, rage lingered in the edge of her voice.
The burden of possibly sending people to their deaths, and the feeling of betrayal toward the two of them.
For Mother, who had to resolve all of it, anger was only natural.
But whom could she direct this aimless arrow of anger toward?
I thought for a moment, but only one answer came to me.
"Something they should not have done? But... Lilia can’t disobey Father, the head of the household, can she?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"A while ago, when I was going to the toilet, I saw it. Through the crack of a slightly open door... Father was lifting Lilia’s skirt... and he said, ‘I have leverage over you, so don’t resist. Just relax your legs and be good,’ before pushing Lilia onto the bed. Rudy was heading to the toilet with me and saw it too, so I’m not lying. Right, Rudy?"
When I sent Rudy the most wide-eyed look I could manage, quick-witted Rudy concealed his alarm and played along.
"Y-Yes! I saw it while I was going to the toilet with Lumi. Father was holding Lilia’s weakness over her and forcing himself on her."
"What?! Rudy, Lumi, what are you—"
"You be quiet!"
Father, falsely accused, tried to protest his innocence, but Mother’s shrill voice sealed his mouth shut.
"Lilia, are the children telling the truth?"
"No, that did not..."
Lilia began to say so, then shifted her gaze back and forth.
What I had seen was exaggerated in my telling, but it was not entirely wrong.
That night, Father had acted out that sort of role-play. Since Rudy had witnessed the scene too, he was able to match his words to mine.
"I see. You can’t bring yourself to say it happened in your own words..."
Mother interpreted Lilia’s attitude however she pleased.
Father only blinked and opened his mouth. Apparently no words came out, for he merely moved it like a goldfish.
"Mother, Lilia did nothing wrong."
"Yes."
"All the fault lies with Father."
"...Yes."
"Father is the one who did wrong... so why should Lilia be the one put in hardship?"
"Yes."
Mother’s heart had softened considerably. Now I should drive the point home.
I tugged hard on Mother’s skirt and spoke with a voice that slurred as if I were about to burst into tears.
"...I enjoy being with Rudy. And I like spending time with Karen and Karin, too. But... if the little sibling who’ll be born has no one to be with... I think that would be very sad."
"...I see."
"...Either way, they’re my siblings. I don’t want to be separated from them. I don’t want Father and Mother to separate either. And... and... Lilia is family too, so I don’t want all our family to scatter... I don’t want us to scatter. Mother, so—"
"Haa... All right. Honestly, Lumi, I simply cannot win against you."
As I looked up at her with tears glistening in my eyes, Mother let out a long sigh and pulled me tightly into her arms.
As expected, mothers were weak when it came to children and affection. To accept such a flimsy persuasion.
What a broad-hearted person she was. I realized this was not something someone like me could handle carelessly.
"Lilia, stay in our house. You are already family! I will not allow you to leave as you please!"
Mother shouted at the top of her lungs so Lilia could not leave.
Father’s eyes widened, while Lilia covered her mouth and tears welled in her eyes.
With that, the matter was settled, in its own way.
◆◇◆
In the end, the incident concluded with Father taking all the blame.
Mother looked at Father with a stormy gaze as though he were a discarded cigarette butt on the roadside, then returned alone to the bedroom.
"Rudy, Rudy..."
"I understand. I’ll comfort Mother, so you handle things here, Lumi."
"...Thank you."
When I tugged at Rudy’s sleeve, he finally seemed to relax, smiling as he nodded.
It appeared Rudy had opposed casting Lilia out like this as well.
He had not seemed particularly close to Lilia... What a surprise.
Lilia sat in her chair with her head lowered, still crying.
Tears poured like a waterfall from her expressionless face.
Father seemed uncertain whether he should embrace her shoulders.
That was only natural.
Mother, who was surely in the bedroom pouring out her grief and fury, and Lilia, weeping before his eyes.
Wife or concubine. If he carelessly made that choice, all that had happened so far might collapse entirely.
This was where I had to step forward.
I carefully walked over to Lilia, gently patted her knee with my hand, and spoke to her.
"...Lilia, don’t cry. It’s... all right now. You don’t have to leave the house anymore, so please stop crying."
As I opened my eyes wide and looked at her like a kitten gazing up at its mother, Lilia suddenly spread both arms and pulled me into a tight embrace.
It came with pain that made me feel as though I could not breathe, as though my ribs would be crushed.
"Waaaaaaaahhh!!"
I could not simply pull free from the arms of the woman as she squeezed her eyes shut and sobbed, as though the dam restraining her emotions had burst.
As a samurai... before that, as a man, surely the right thing at times like this was to offer her a chest to lean on.
I patted Lilia’s back with my small hand.
"...It’s all right now. ...You don’t have to worry."
"Thank... you. ...Truly... truly..."
Though it was the first time I had seen Lilia show such intense emotion in all the time we had lived together in this house, I did not panic and calmly comforted her.
This was how I could repay the kindness she had shown me.
Even if it was wrong... I could only continue comforting the sobbing Lilia.
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